When he brags about being a big game hunter but he's never even killed himself.

Sometimes I save gift ideas for a future where they will actually be appreciated

I am the type of delusional that thinks I can learn multiple languages if I just watch enough videos.

Idk why October likes to beef with me when I love her so much

The worst part about authoritarian dictatorship is i just need to say a lot of nonsense so I don't freak out on a random Thursday.

Bro you ever been so excited while drinking a can of carbonated water that you got your septum piercing stuck on the soda tab?

Me neither.

the first school shooting Republicans will care about

After wearing large toe-box shoes for three months, I can see my feet reverting to their natural shape, and my feet don't hurt every single day anymore.

They knew what they were doing. Stop coddling them.

What was he wearing that made her lure him into the woods?

peach crumble in the oven let's go

Scammers bout to get FTC'd. Told him it was funny he was using OSINT given it can be highly inaccurate, he told me I better have two forms of ID when he rolls up, pretending he works for the state of Texas. Hilarious tell, given castle law.

You've already made a better joke than he has his entire career in this skeet.

I had a dream I was dating Hassan Piker and we just cuddled with a dog and hung out.

The only time i will celebrate living in a deep-red territory--these folks aren't ready for supply shortage. They aren't preparing.

He's just a lil babyyyyy

Fibromayalga is my top enemy.

I feel like I've aged five years since January.

Somebody tell the wealthy they can't eat gold

Voters suppression is voter suppression. The IDs required are only available in 5(?) states.

He was never your friend.

My whole area is flooding, with more rain coming. We've got valleys taking the brunt of the water, thank goodness.

Sometimes you need to remind yourself who the fuck you are.

Wow Donald Trump looks like shit.

I need his full name and I can.

Holy shit he looks like ass.

I hate having super vivid nightmares. But hey, if anybody finds a dead girl, check her teeth for skin residue and her back for carpet fibers. Should point you to a hotel room with the bathroom on the left-hand side of the room.

People dropping 1k on sport memorabilia like we aren't in a recession

Young people work paycheck to paycheck. You're wrong.