Elizabeth Kleinfeld

Holding Space Instead of Answers How to support someone in pain

The urge to fix someone's pain is natural. But for the person suffering, being fixed can feel like being dismissed.
What they often need instead: someone willing to sit still and bear witness. #caregiving #listen

Holding Space Instead of Answers
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...

The Art of Going Solo Learning that my own company is enough

I used to think I needed someone else to validate my experiences. Then I started dining alone, traveling with my cane, choosing my own adventures. Turns out the person I was waiting for was me. ##grief#griefhttps://elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-art-of-going-solo

Radically Accepting a Narcissist Freeing myself from the endless cycle of hope and disappointment

If you're struggling with someone who makes you question your reality, this one's for you. New blog post about radical acceptance and how I learned to protect my peace without losing myself in the process. #narcissist
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radically-...

Missing my husband, four years after his death Love doesn't end when someone dies—and neither should talking about it

Think that four years after someone dies, you should be “over” them? That's not my experience, and I'm not going to pretend it should be. #Grief at four years out looks different but isn't easier. For anyone tired of timeline pressure around loss.

elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/missing-my...

Disabled People Need Time Off, Too On internalized ableism and the myth of the “lucky” disabled person

I just took 10 days off and had to confront my own internalized #ableism. Society tells us disabled people are "lazy" and living easy lives on government money. Reality? Managing #disability is exhausting, invisible work.
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...

Creating Closure When the Universe Won't Give It to You Another lesson in radical acceptance

I got broken up with while I was in brain surgery rehab. It stings, but I'm learning that #radicalacceptance and #AndreaGibson's #radicaltenderness mean softening toward rather than away from someone who's caused you pain. We create #Closure.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/creating-c...

Grieving My Beautiful Before Loving The life that Was, Accepting the life that Is

"I keep thinking I'm returning to my old life but I'm not. I have a new life now post-brain surgery." Sometimes grief hits when you least expect it—and that's okay. We're in the land of "ands": my current life is wonderful AND I miss my old life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/grieving-m...

Radical acceptance is an ongoing practice not something you do just once and move on from

Coming home from rehab has been a masterclass in #radicalacceptance. Not just accepting my new reality, but accepting that my new reality impacts the reality of others. #BrainInjuryRecovery #IntentionalLiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radical-ac...

My brain surgery is tomorrow and I am scared How I'm holding space for my fear

My brain surgery is tomorrow and I am scared.
As Buddhist teacher Josh Korda says, "what we resist persists." So instead of pushing away the fear, I'm holding space for it.

substack.com/home/post/p-...

Understanding the high price of stubbornness it turns out that my stubborn need for independence makes me a pain in the ass

At 55, I never expected to need supervision for dog walks and showers. I promised I wouldn't put my daughter through what my father put me through. I swore I'd age gracefully—but I meant in TWENTY YEARS, not now!

elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/understand...

MAY: Navigating Caregiving When You Need Care Yourself Clinging to shoulds only leads to suffering

The math sucks: My brain bleed doubled my sister's #dementia #caregiving load. I'm stuck with guilt, attached to an idealized version of me who never fails. Sometimes stepping back isn't failure but necessity, even when someone else pays the price.

elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/may-naviga...

How to Be at Peace with Whatever Happens It doesn't mean there's no grief

My inoperable brain mass helps me understand that being at peace doesn’t = being tranquil & calm all the time. I was not tranquil at midnight in the ICU. But that mass—and the grief & fear—are part of my life now. Accepting that is peace. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-to-be-...

The Myth of Separate Caregiving Between work's clock and my father's folded time

While I track deadlines in orderly time, my father w/ dementia lives where breakfast was "a week ago." Professional culture pretends caregiving happens in a parallel universe that doesn't affect our work. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-myth-o...

The essay that got me named a Best Emerging Writer of 2024 is live! Heads-up family/friends: it contains an explicit sex scene describing intimate aspects of my relationship with Tom after his stroke. I'm proud of the work, but I understand if this is TMI for you.

mastersreview.com/driftwood-by...

Gardening in the Shadow of Memory Damn it, I miss my husband

This week’s post explores the impossibility of perfectly preserving someone's legacy & the bittersweet process of making a shared space mine.
If you've lost someone & found yourself navigating the spaces they left behind, this one might resonate. 💛
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/gardening-...

APRIL: Being Here with Fleeting Joy and Persistent Worry Holding the contradictions of caregiving

I recount a day that involved watching my father shine with joy and later frantically searching for him in the dark.
For anyone #caregiving or with a loved one with #dementia, I share strategies to find connection with worry in the background.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/april-bein...

Scruffy Hospitality: The Dust Bunnies Can Stay connecting while caregiving doesn't have to be pretty

I blogged about deciding people matter more than a messy house. I texted family despite the dust bunnies & directed them to the yard. Nobody cared about the mess. Connection doesn't require perfection, just courage to let people see your real life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/scruffy-ho...

How Dementia Defies Our Expectations and How Caregivers Can Cope

The notes I find around my father’s house give me a glimpse into his dementia-fogged brain: starting with clear purpose ("oil service") before wandering into disconnected lists of cheeses and the mysterious single word "bowls."
#Dementia #caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-dement...

The Unfinished List We all die with things undone

"I had so many plans," my 87-year-old father said. As he faces the move to assisted living, I'm witnessing the quiet grief of acknowledging what will remain undone.
We all carry unfinished lists. Which items on your overflowing list actually matter?
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-unfini...

MARCH: In Praise of the Fake Bathroom Break Hello, friend.

Saturday. My father asks for the 4th time why I don't rent a vehicle—forgetting again my low vision. Minutes later, I'm in his bathroom, finding sanctuary. The fake bathroom break is an ancient survival strategy. #neurodiversity #grief #disability
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/march-in-p...

As I was saying in my last post: to understand how terrible things happen, look to the conditions that created and allowed for them to happen. When terrible things persist, look to the conditions that perpetuate them. If we don't understand the conditions, we will not be able to respond effectively.

Being Present in the Midst of Chaos How a simple ritual brings me peace

When the dumpster fire of our current administration or the demands of #caregiving wipe me out, I whisper to myself: "I give myself permission to be completely present."
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/being-pres...

Repost & like, if you stand with President Zelensky!

"History will remember this day— when an American President and Vice President abandoned all we stand for."

Caregiving with Love and Dignity for Myself and Them

My latest post explores the physical & emotional reality of caring for both my father & daughter while managing my own limitations. My late husband's joke about wanting "a kiss and a fresh diaper" turned out to be profound wisdom about caregiving.

elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/caregiving...

The Chaos of Caregiving and what really matters

As I help my daughter recover from surgery, each blanket adjustment reminds me of caring for my husband before he died. I remind myself that the chaos of #caregiving isn't failure. It's proof of choosing what matters. #grief

elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-chaos-...

FEBRUARY: Being Here for Pleasure without Guilt February 12, 2025

When we're grieving, pleasure can feel like a betrayal of our loss. How dare we laugh or enjoy a beautiful sunset or a delicious meal when there's an empty chair at our table? But pleasure isn't an affront to #grief - it's often how we survive it.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/february-b...

Love Letters in Everything Why not let love be the subtext of everything I do?

I’ve been thinking about all the tiny #love letters we write every day. My latest post explores how reframing everyday actions as "love letters" has changed how I see #caregiving, family relationships, and even mundane interactions. open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...

Walloped by Grief and Appreciating New Beginnings the gut wrench of death & the gifts of grief

I hope wherever you are in your #grief journey, you can hold these two truths: that what you've lost is irreplaceable, and that the path your grief carved out has led to unexpected treasures. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/walloped-b...

Governor Pritzker- Illinois - has signed an order prohibiting all J6 rioters from state employment.

🏆 Governor Pritzker- Illinois - has signed an order prohibiting all J6 rioters from state employment.