Pepperidge Farm Remembers What You Did Last Summer
17.11.2025 23:44 — 👍 220 🔁 66 💬 11 📌 5Pepperidge Farm Remembers What You Did Last Summer
17.11.2025 23:44 — 👍 220 🔁 66 💬 11 📌 5I want to get hospitalized for exhaustion like a celebrity.
17.11.2025 13:19 — 👍 335 🔁 87 💬 14 📌 1“I’m down for whatever,” I say, falling asleep.
31.10.2025 00:16 — 👍 275 🔁 93 💬 1 📌 0I don’t have any answers, but I do have a few good questions.
29.10.2025 22:45 — 👍 145 🔁 87 💬 4 📌 0It’s gonna take a lot more than that to change my mind. Maybe do a magic trick or something
16.11.2025 13:41 — 👍 78 🔁 36 💬 4 📌 0Some things we simply cannot know on this plane: is there a god? What is our purpose? Where did all my iTunes music go? The lyrics to Rocket Man etc…
16.11.2025 13:42 — 👍 107 🔁 27 💬 8 📌 0Doggy style so I can sign my divorce papers
11.11.2025 14:50 — 👍 63 🔁 18 💬 4 📌 0After a certain age men in light colored jeans look ridiculous
11.11.2025 14:49 — 👍 23 🔁 8 💬 2 📌 0Turned over a new leaf and found an angry scorpion
09.11.2025 17:26 — 👍 76 🔁 30 💬 0 📌 0When I’m buying Twinkies and Yodels it feels like I’m 16 again buying a dirty magazine
14.11.2025 21:05 — 👍 21 🔁 7 💬 2 📌 0Me, as a therapist: Please, you think that's bad? I've been searching for my lost shaker of salt all this time.
15.11.2025 22:45 — 👍 56 🔁 21 💬 4 📌 0Looking for someone who shares my love of stuffing.
31.10.2025 02:51 — 👍 88 🔁 43 💬 8 📌 0
her: have you been moisturizing?
me: oh no...that's just pizza grease.
Might sell Avon door to door as a side hustle
15.11.2025 05:37 — 👍 96 🔁 43 💬 5 📌 1My Uncle Jeb is so stupid. He fell out of a tree while raking leaves.
10.11.2025 02:37 — 👍 22 🔁 11 💬 2 📌 0Do we have independent confirmation that Chumbawamba really drank a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink, and a cider drink? That’s a lot for most people.
12.11.2025 17:59 — 👍 23 🔁 7 💬 7 📌 0
Me: I have a very livid memory
Her: Don’t you mean vivid?
Me: No…
MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable.
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
I remember one time my wife got mad at me for accidentally stepping on a spider so I said 'calm down PETA Parker' lol, and you guys, that did not help. At all.
13.11.2025 18:15 — 👍 443 🔁 90 💬 10 📌 0Sometimes I'll sit and contemplate the meaning of life and other times I'll wonder if the plural of manatee is 'manatees' or 'menatee'
14.11.2025 12:24 — 👍 176 🔁 48 💬 11 📌 0A roll-on anti-aging serum, call it Deolderant
14.11.2025 20:29 — 👍 248 🔁 63 💬 4 📌 0I'm not one to brag, but I totally got out of bed today without coaxing.
07.11.2025 12:32 — 👍 196 🔁 58 💬 12 📌 0This is my crippling anxiety post. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
08.11.2025 13:11 — 👍 221 🔁 82 💬 8 📌 0One of the skills I put on my resume was the ability to keenly observe other people working.
10.11.2025 13:15 — 👍 147 🔁 63 💬 7 📌 1If you run past your neighbors scratching your crotch and screaming they tend to not ask questions.
12.11.2025 13:17 — 👍 130 🔁 66 💬 9 📌 0I have a junk food problem. I don't have any . . .
11.11.2025 13:22 — 👍 170 🔁 78 💬 6 📌 0My type: someone supportive and warm who I can curl up and relax with. Wait, that's my bed.
13.11.2025 13:19 — 👍 241 🔁 95 💬 7 📌 0My life would be so much easier if I had a few minions.
14.11.2025 12:58 — 👍 204 🔁 73 💬 13 📌 1It turns out that anybody can be a greeter at Walmart. You don't even have to work there.
15.11.2025 13:17 — 👍 410 🔁 123 💬 19 📌 0genesis was just god’s first mcrib marketing test
12.11.2025 14:18 — 👍 84 🔁 28 💬 2 📌 0