Bellamie Beastly

As a burlesque Swiftie I find that it is usually my goal to exceed my personal record of insufferability whenever Taylor Swift announces something, but the twist this time with “The Life of a Showgirl” is that everyone else clearly has the same goal too

Sometimes I think I’m well-adjusted and then I see tiktoks/reels of that one dance trend going around to “Fancy Footwork” by Chromeo and that WH4T NOW?? meme from Homestuck in like 2015 activates something utterly demonic within me like a KGB sleeper agent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Made too many jokes about Midwest emo, The Vatican’s Next Top Pope, and The Bear (largely because I made too many jokes about Matty Matheson, I have still never seen a single episode) this past week and now the Catholic Church has selected a pope from Chicago something something butterfly effect

Why are like five different people I know from four different social circles all in Japan right now (two of these people are my parents)

Will whoever left their phone in the nursing station at the post-surgical stepdown unit playing Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer” followed by Kesha’s “Your Love Is My Drug” kindly drop the playlist link please

Being a man and inviting only women to an orgy you decided to schedule for International Women’s Day is a weird way to celebrate but okay

i did not meet my younger self for coffee. i arrived 15 minutes late but it didn’t matter because she texted me 15 minutes after that saying she binge-drank so much last night that she was too hungover to move. i ordered an oat flat white anyway

Feels like starting the worst eczema flare-up of my adult life upon the Lunar New Year of the Snake and in the middle of my Saturn return is some overly symbolic damage of cosmic proportions but okay, land among the stars I guess

RIP Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson y’all would have loved the Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake beef

(and I’m too Canadian to dwell on what you’d think about the state of the stolen land you put a name and government onto)

me, 98% of the time: i’m a ride-or-die torontonian. don’t call me a transplant RACCOONS VS EVERYBODY MY BLOOD IS ⅓ PHỞ LINH BROTH ⅓ NA BELLWOODS JELLY KING & ⅓ LAKE ONTARIO SEWAGE
me, when Not Like Us comes on: …i’m not rly from here i moved from BC in 2012 i’m just a west coast expat…ₐ ₘᵢₙₒᵣᵣᵣᵣᵣᵣᵣᵣ

Is this “go birds” business to do with that “superb owl” I’ve heard so much about?

Kendrick Lamar deserves to win the very first Nobel Hate Prize

Okay YES I’m checking out Sabrina Carpenter checking out Shakira mid-performance at the Grammys, but can we take a moment to recognize the heartwrenching parallel between these two outrageously hot blonde singers with adorable faces whose ex-partners absolutely fumbled the whole damn bag by cheating

Bluesky gets this first. Storm Éowyn might have slammed Ireland and Scotland this weekend, but my Éowyn act packed a similar punch on the other side of the Atlantic at Slain Productions’ THE FELLOWSTRIP OF THE RING last night.
#nerdlesque #neoburlesque #lotrburlesque

“Courage, Merry. Courage for our friends.”
Your favourite horse girl is READY for Slain Productions’ THE FELLOWSTRIP OF THE RING tonight. Forth Eorlingasses!

“In tandem with (or sometimes instead of) confrontation, ridicule has always been an essential strategy in depriving dangerous men of their power.”

I popculturally live under a rock and haven’t read Sandman, so the Vulture article was my first exposure to the Calliope narrative. The way NG aims to position his own perspective through his writing as heroically progressive, like he’s the one calling out the bad guys? This shit writes itself.

Deep breath. Okay. So NOW are we ready to talk about the dangers of charmingly nerdy sex-positive softboys with zero understanding of how to respect people outside themselves but know how to manipulate their own images so they look like they’re worlds beyond toxic masculinity? I’ll brew us a pot.

Honestly unbearably iconic of me to create an association between Charli XCX and the word “brat(ty)” while creating a Pinterest for my first burlesque act more than five years ago. She’s been brat from the beginning (and idk if I mean her or me).

“Most of running a small business is just waiting for a perfectly-timed fire and plotting out how to do an arson.”

Happy final morning of 2024 y’all did I mention that yesterday the Meta gods tried to delete this photo from FUCKING OCTOBER 2019 because they can’t tell the difference between nipples and tassels so I guess we’ll be spending a lot more time here in 2025

Y’all, who wins the Himbo of the Year Award for 2024: Jonathan Bailey as Fiyero in Wicked Part I, or Travis Kelce as Taylor Swift’s bf in the Kansas City Chiefs?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan’s rendition of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” is a cover and therefore not included in the constraints of Whamageddon. Enjoy to your heart’s content knowing it will not send you to Whamhalla this holigay season. (also, they’re preeeettyyyyy)

Disrespectfully: IF YOU’RE NOT IN TORONTO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE ERAS TOURONTO QUEUE

With all due respect, I need some well-meaning Swifties begging for ticket buyers in the Ticketmaster queues to get them an extra Eras Tour ticket to understand that even us Swifties with access CAN’T EVEN GET OUR OWN TICKETS RIP THIS IS THE 7TH(?) TIME I HAVE TRIED ONE MUST IMAGINE SWIFTYPHUS HAPPY

I still do not have an Eras Tour ticket for Toronto this coming week and Taylor Swift still has not performed Girl At Home as a surprise song. I’m not saying there’s a correlation, BUT—

Oh, we’re all here again now? Hi nerds come be hot and rude with me
[📷: Hayley Hruska (1), backstage at Danger Horse’s Hardcore Heartthrobs in Oct 2024]

RENT-FREE!!!!! 💸💸💸🏠🏠🏠🧠🧠🧠💀🙃

The brainrot is too real I misread that second line as “ask me if I’m Von Dutch”

If you start playing Alexisonfire’s newly released “Born & Raised (Live at St. Catharines, ON, 2022)” live album and listen closely with good headphones, in the background you can hear me contracting COVID from the moshpit in real-time.