peachy but she won't stfu 🔞

this has nothing to do with the current bsky guidelines thing btw, tbh that talk is just as triggering for me. i've just been doing a lot of thinking recently about the place sexuality should have in my life.

& if i do purge this acct, PLEASE DO NOT repost or privately save any of my nsfw posts. ty

i've also realized my relationship with porn in general has been hugely soured and recently it's been basically impossible for me to not to think about the many ways it's affected me negatively whenever i see it. a lot of the age verification discussion has been triggering for me for similar reasons

i'm scheduled to start therapy again in early oct so i might wait until i've discussed things with a professional before taking any action bc i'm not sure what would be more beneficial for my own healing. i know what i've got now is not healthy, i just don't want to accidentally make it worse

been debating what i want to do with this acct since i last posted and kinda going back & forth on purging everything to turn into a generic personal bc frankly i'm still processing some huge resurfacing of trust issues regarding my sexuality and idk if it'd be establishing boundaries or withdrawing

#peachystfu i guess, i just wanted to explain why i probably won't be on this account very much recently even though i'm trying to be back on main. trust me, i'd love to be here and post nsfw stuff freely again but i just. can't. the drive is entirely gone. i wish it wasn't but what can i do? 🤷‍♂️

all i can feel rn when i come here is grief that i lost something i worked so hard for and deep jealousy that other people can enjoy their sexualities without any sort of fear or hesitancy or distrust. i wish things were so easy for me. the only thing i can do is wait and hope time is kind to me

i've been robbed of a natural joy of life because the only shitheads who have ever taken interest in me decided to treat me like a cheap porno mag that isn't meant to have its own feelings. i know healing isn't linear but this recent setback feels huge and fixing it is gonna be a huge, long task

i thought i was ace-spec for a while in high school but it turns out i was just dealing w/ sex repulsion. after i graduated i didn't feel ANY sexual urges for eight months straight bc i realized my body image issues were making me objectify myself real bad. i don't want that to be a recurring issue

my libido has been completely, entirely extinguished by resurfacing of bad experiences after years of hard work reclaiming it for myself and now i just associate sex with fear and discomfort again and i have no idea what i'm gonna do about it. it makes me so fucking mad and sad to even think about

unfortunately i did see some people making fun of those lists too, and remember having to block a few people over them. some people just refuse to accept that it's a valid form of personal curation 🤷‍♂️ dunno why

oh oops i see that you already did— totally understandable. i hope you're able to catch a breather from all this

if you feel like it's bringing you more trouble than it's worth, it might make sense for you to step back from it. i would say maybe give yourself a little time to let your emotions stop running high, maybe a day or so, then think about whether or not you can handle it, and go from there

tl;dr sorry you have to deal with shitters about this. please don't blame yourself. you have every right to set your own boundaries and anyone who gets pissed about it can go eat a sock. remember to take care of yourself first and foremost

some people revel in their ability to upset other people. my guess is that it's smthg that makes THEM feel safe, but making yourself feel safe by making others feel unsafe is cruel.

setting your own personal boundaries is decidedly NOT that, though, and equating the two is a very bad faith take.

i'm also annoyed that there are folks who are completely misreading your intentions, bc i think you were explicit about how it's just setting boundaries, so i think it's malicious misunderstanding on their part. and the best thing you can do about that is not even give them the time of day

this is exactly how i manage the list i made for my own curation— very sporadic managing. you should definitely limit your exposure to triggering content, and if you have to expose yourself to it please take time afterwards to remove yourself from it and let your body and brain know that you're safe

+ some more detail shots. this was stupidly fun to pose, esp the tentacles and the expression. i loveeee the boobie play.

and look, they're holding hands! how sweet.

cw terato, cw tentacles

i am not immune to sigmascape v3.0 tentacle simulation

#ffxivnsfw

the miniskirt is very important bc it makes him feel pretty 😌

#peachafterdark

cw drug use, intoxicated sex

but i just think that katsu arahata high as balls in a miniskirt taking it up the ass. that's all

I actually do like the idea of size differences that might be a little bit ridiculous bc. a roadblock both parties have to navigate is "what can we do and not do together?" in a sexual setting.

in a bigender way. not in a transphobic way. just to be clear

🚶

#peachafterdark girl who needs to be called a good boy

happy thick bush thursday

i don't really ever "finish" doodles past sketchy lineart & flats because i don't enjoy meticulously doing clean lineart, and my grasp on shape/form is too poor to do shading. i just kinda make the thing tangible and go "good enough". and that's fine, bc this is just for me

very rough & out of practice lizar (+ his small doggie bf)

hey in better news this got me to break out my art tablet and actually draw something for the first time in. maybe a year? if not longer? small victories i guess

there are plenty of cool and normal people in the fandom (hello my mutuals) but the fact that there's Always Something every week and that avoiding upsetting shit feels so difficult makes me wonder what it'd be like to not worry abt any of that. to just have my silly guys that are mine n that's it.

at the point where i'm making backup semi-copy ocs so that i can still enjoy my silly little family that makes me happy even if i decide one day that i don't want anything to do with the greater xiv fandom anymore 💃 bc hoo boy am i tempted sometimes