Government issued girlfriend

Lovebomb this, lovebomb that. Listen up ladies, lovebombing sounds fun until you realise it doesn't involve actual bombing of government infrastructure 😤

I moved 5 couches, a mattress, bed frame and two coffee tables in and out of my apartment without a sweat. I have muscles on muscles. I am fucking Luisa Madrigal (she is my girlfriend).

Average rizz attempt in my DMs.

Stop holding in that fart princess, you’re not with him anymore.

Ooh notice me notice me notice me get followers get followers get followers 😵‍💫😵‍💫

What if we kissed in the lesbian IKEA demo room 👉👈

Australians, it’s simple. KFC is just pathetic, virgin fatty slop for people who don't know any better. It's a cowardly imitation of proper fried chicken.

Red Rooster is the Chad superior choice. It's peak; strong, dignified, and it doesn't need to hide its taste behind greasy batter.

Found my boyfriend whispering in Spanish late last night. He swore it was just an "international phone call." The final straw was finding his Google history: "How do I get her to notice me?" No, not me. How to get ChatGPT to “notice” him. My love rival is an AI, and I've officially lost my mind.

My boyfriend keeps meowing at me. I thought I was the one who was supposed to be meowing at high profile men with sultry bedroom eyes in exchange for state secrets.

“I don’t care who the IRS sends, I am not paying my taxes!” and other lies you tell yourself when you get your first government issued girlfriend in the post (she will make you file your taxes).

The new guy at work is so peggable 🫦

Hey boy, are your pants on sale? Because I’d like them 100% off 😘

*seductively lays on the table*
😘 heyyy bab-
*table seductively snaps in half*

I thought this gig would be all romantic candlelit dinners and fulfilling my civic duty, but it turns out even a government issued girlfriend has to figure out who's going to fold the clean laundry and schedule the annual dentist checkup. Where's the official handbook for this nonsense?

DON’T FORGET‼️ to GET DAD 👴🏾👴🏻the OFFICIAL CALL OF DUTY 🔫🫡 PERFUME 💖💖 AND TACTICAL BODY SCRUB 🧼 THIS FATHER’S DAY!!1

NOTHING BEATS A JET2 HOLIDAY ✈️🤩 AND RIGHT NOW 💥💥💥💥 I’M POUNDING YOUR MOM 🤯🤯
AND MAKING A FAMILY OF FOUR 🥳🥳😎😎

This gf stands against injustice. I just did an “EXCUSE ME HE ORDERED A MEDIUM VANILLA COKE” at Maccies.

Found you! It’s quite close to where I live 💖

Oooh 😵‍💫😵‍💫 become a femboy become a femboy become a femboy 😵‍💫😵‍💫 lemme peg lemme peg

“I can fix her” bro no, counter offer, I can make us much, much worse.

🥱

Antidepressant fell down the sink instead of falling into my stomach. Guess I’m going crazy today 🫠

Please do not fall for the “March for Australia” rhetoric this coming August 31st. It is thinly veiled racism and a far right dog whistle from the usual suspects. I think we are far better and smarter than that! #australia

(x.com/ao_garasi12)

Coalition vows to revoke Australia's recognition of a Palestinian state Opposition Leader Sussan Ley has pledged to reverse recognition of a Palestinian state a day after the government's much-anticipated announcement, as Prime Minister Anthony Albanese accused the Israel...

Wow, the Libs really want to lose the next election.

Third interaction of the morning
Me: “here’s your pain meds honey, hope that toe feels better soon”
Creep: “thanks babe, every time my toe stops hurting I’ll be thinking of you 😘”
Me: *nervous laughter* umm.. thanks?

🤨🤨🤨
WAY TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT
MEN
WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS
DO NOT DO THIS
🤨🤨🤨

Me: wakes up
Brain: you fool. you absolute buffoon. you fell for one of the classic blunders

Government issued girlfriend (@govissuedgf) • Threads, Say more 1 Follower • 0 Threads • Comfy posts and updates from your girlfriend. See the latest conversations with @govissuedgf.

I am now on Threads. Please follow me there too! 💖

It’s been restful, and very much needed. Thanks for your support 💖