Phantom Phobos

how do you live being a professional victim?
I don't get how people can keep going when they obsess over everything that's bad ever.
shit has to be exhausting

i’m so tired of feeling like a burden to those i surround myself with.

nobody makes me feel that way.
it’s never me vs them
it’s me vs myself

and this fight is so hard to win

i’ve been so uncomfortable in my own skin lately. i wish i was a caterpillar bc at least i could form into something new.
everything has been piling on lately.
work, home, life, finances, seasons shifting.

one of these days i’ll catch my break.
until then i hold steady.

All I really want is for my hard work to lead to something good.

Remember:

The world is a better place because you’re in it.

welcome back seasonal depression

A river never releases all its water at once. Some truths are meant to flow quietly, kept close to the heart.

We’re adults. We share what’s meant to be shared and respect the boundaries of what isn’t.

I’ve learned over 33 years that not everything needs to be said. Even with the closest friends, some truths are meant to stay private. A small handful know the full story of who I am, and I trust them with it completely.

a weight lifted

but those are my battles to fight. i’ve spoken to you about them before.
especially recently.

seeing someone who has overcome whatever odds to prove something to themselves is someone i hold in high regard.
someone who challenges themselves to grow and be better.
that’s not to say i am i flawed, many things i can work on to be better and i know where and when im wrong.

and what makes them who they are is the challenge they’ve endured and overcome.
seeing my closest and most intimate companions pull themselves up and flourish from hardship and have nothing directly handed to them gives so much common ground.

i’ve found over the years i’ve been able to hold more mutual respect for those who have struggled as i have. the characteristics of growth that i seek from my closest companions. i am not happy to have seen them struggle, but who they are is what makes them special,

this is both a cry for help and a push for me to try and heal. i’m tired of the nightmares. i’m tired of the sleepless nights.
i don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t give up but i have so much thats pulling me in that direction.