sarughh

Definitely thought moth balls and matzah balls were the same thing for an embarrassing/undisclosed amount of time

Be the person your Bitmoji thinks you are

New standards have been SET, my Uber driver just opened my door for me

I have never met a funny man

Chase texted me about suspected fraud when I bought eggs at Safeway tonight 😔

These were a gateway drug to cigarettes back in the day

Damn boy is your name Bronchitis I’ve Had For Four Months because you just took my breath away

Wtf is a pumpernickel

Put this on El*n’s Max homepage not mine dawg

Being a girl is applying mascara while a man puts air in your tires with More Than a Woman by Bee Gees playing in the background

I’d rather the government bring back Panera charged lemonade than TikTok

Constantly spending $30

Missing my Wild Wild West (1999) branded Big Kids Meal sunglasses from Burger King right about now 😕 Hug your loved ones tonight for me please.

Pringles have to be shaped that way because they wouldn’t taste good as normal chip shapes

Is there a way to block Team Snapchat

Working in retail is so fun because all of my coworkers think I’m in college and the same age as them

I will never be lonely because my tinnitus reminds me she’s there every time I have some free space in my brain 🫶🏻

After much discussion, I have come to the only conclusion that the reason for my youthfulness is drinking Four Loko at my ripe age (33).

No it is actually so cool and really awesome that a Hulu subscription is $1,000 a month, I would even pay more if they let me :(

HI. My car got broken into this week :D how are yall??

Ok true

While I have a lot of concerning life events going on, the one most weighing heavily on my mind is the consideration to start drinking pop again. Pros and cons list to come

My drunken snack of choice? Bread and butter. The way Jesus and the gang intended.

My high school Theology teacher (who is also a nun) is still the realest

That being said, why are the emojis in the emoji keyboard huge, idk where anything is now

Wait… iOS 18 allows you to play music AND record videos simultaneously. This is the only update I have ever wanted.

And what do you know about this sorta vibe??

Ok