Nic

This dumb bitch has healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed healing. Grateful for her. But she’s a real dumb bitch ❤️

Hoe bag nights are fantastic. Also the best and safest people to test drive my new name with.

Me: the whipped cream is refusing to mix into my coffee.
Kate: sounds like a first world problem
Me: you know what? It is. I’m just over here in Panem getting pissed about whipped cream!

Had the opportunity to genuinely grieve my dog last night. In a group of people that just sat and made space. Not a single person touched me but I felt like I had a two hour hug through it all and damnit if I don’t think we all need more of that.

My in-laws are in from out of state. I have a four year old. Why do these two things matter? I finally get to fucking nap.

Just FaceTimed my friend and we compared weekend battle wounds. She showed me her lip. I flashed her an entirely wrapped up torso.

Chosen family is an incredible thing if you pick the right ones. I just happened to land one of the best people ever after denting her car during a wind storm. And she’s helped me through hell and back more times than I can count ever since.

Discussed the importance of a grief playlist today. Discussed how mine addresses all five stages of grief and spans all genres. Client was really into it until I told them the title of the playlist: “kummerspeck”

One of my best and longest friends came to visit for the weekend. When she left she impulsively yelled “love you!” And I responded in kind. Didn’t even think about it. It was just natural. Seventeen years, man.

Really grateful for her ❤️

Anyone else just hit late thirties and suddenly they snap, crackle, pop from head to toe on their way to take their morning piss, or is that just me?

Friendship is showing unhinged text conversations, a series of ridiculous photos, and a 45 second clip of singing “my girl” to a dog and your friend just calmly scrolls through her phone until she overhears you saying quietly to yourself “I’m not normal” and then she laughs hysterically.

Me thirty minutes ago: kids are great but one’s enough.

Me after holding a newborn: 🥹

Saturday morning coffee with my kid. ❤️

Me: I let the dogs out for you. They were doing the happy tippy tappies.

Mark: the happy…. Tippy Tappies?

Me: yah know, sometimes some wholesome content comes out of this mouth. Usually sandwiched between two “fucks.”

I had one of the worst migraines in a long time yesterday. After finding out I was in pain, my kid went to the freezer and grabbed an ice pack for me. It was super cute until he slapped me in the face with it.

Talking surgery with my doctor and I asked if I needed to warn anyone ahead of time that I have the red-headed gene.

Her response was “ah. Yes, we never really know how you come out of anesthesia. Sometimes redheads are highly emotional. Other times yall wanna punch people.”

Cool.

“I’d willingly get ninety volts of electricity straight to the nipples…. But spanking is apparently where I draw the line.”

One of the baristas saw me raiding. After they realized what pokemon I was using, they very loudly said “OMG YOU HAVE A MOLTRES?! You have EVERYTHING!!!”

😂

#pokemongo #pogo

I have taken
the Tylenol
that was in
the medicine cabinet

and which
they think probably
is the reason
you like trains

forgive me
but that’s bullshit
you got autism
from your dad

Today I've agreed with Ted Cruz and Michael Eisner. Dark times.

I’m going hiking on Sunday. And all I have to offer is a playlist titled “this shit is more sapphic than a date at Lilith Fair.”

Kate: between Mark’s inappropriate jokes in my ear and you sitting beside me laughing hysterically at something else, I just can’t.

Me: your boyfriend and I are just two children completely unaware of our orbit and then there’s you in the middle.

Kate: pretty much.

Tonight was a good, good night.

@androwulf.bsky.social

a college friend is revisiting Columbus after fifteen years away. The photos I’ve gotten with the caption “was this here when we went to school?” Are exponentially funnier because now we can’t determine if we don’t remember cause we were always drunk or because we’re entering middle age.

I think that since the overwhelming majority of mass shooters are cisgender men, we should take their guns first.

Called a porch goose a patio duck today.

That’s it. That’s the post.

Eternally grateful for this big guy who still spends his golden years making sure I’m okay.

#ptsd #emotionalsupportanimal #adopt #rescue

Kate: I love the jacket. Is it women’s or men’s?

Me: men’s. My arms are too big to fit into women’s clothes

Kate: Mark, she’s bragging about her muscles again.

Mark: (at me) you lift?

I pat my kid’s butt at his request to help him fall asleep. This is a newer request, but he treats it as a non-negotiable.

Tonight, I called from a friend’s house to say goodnight. His response?

“Mom, when you coming home? When you gonna smack my butt?”

Y’ALL. 💀

The level at which my partner was very unprepared to hear a song by Slipknot show up on a playlist…. 😂