Ted

for my good friend.

david byrne is the only man alive who could wear a suit that was clearly never meant for him - let us remember his sacrifice and never follow his example.

wear your own suit, with normal sized shoulderpads

the one in your heart, which fucks.

awesome sauce like a boss!!1!

Photo of a stone gnome on a wooden shelf. It is lying on its side, while smiling seductively.

This fuckass gnome tried to seduce me so I cast Petrify on it
He makes for a good mantelpiece though

imagine you just want to help a friend out but instead you end up encountering the binced meef

I genuinely believe that no matter how far apart they were, if you shoved a wooden stake through Ant, or Dec's hearts - both would collapse in writhing agony.

They're like geordie-homonculuses, who crawled out of the primordial ooze beneath the first Greggs.

France 24. Israel is committing ‘ethnic cleansing’ amid mass forced displacements in Gaza, HRW report says. Israel has committed war crimes and crimes against humanity in Gaza, including pursuing a deliberate policy of forcibly displacing people and denying them the right to return home, according to a Human Rights Watch report released Thursday. The report also labelled the likely permanent dispossession of Gazans in areas cleared by Israel to serve as buffer zones and security corridors as “ethnic cleansing”.

The Guardian. UN special committee likens Israeli policy in Gaza to genocide. Report also refers to Israel ‘using starvation as a weapon of war’ and running ‘apartheid system’ in West Bank.

What will it take for Keir Starmer to stop UK arms sales to Israel?

Nervously drinking my glass of milk on stage whilst he espouses dangerous alt-right beliefs - I fear he has a tiny pair of callipers for measuring audience member's skulls.

I (M25) tried cheating in my local ventriloquist regionals by keeping a thumb-sized man (M71) in my shirt pocket - but it turns out he's really racist??

AITA?

i regret to announce i got dishonourably discharged from the not giving a fuck army for giving a fuck

NO NO NO NO

Thinking big thoughts about the 43 escaped South Carolina monkeys today...

... one of your brothers has fallen... but you must keep going... show them all.

Do you think David and Goliath ever explored each other's bodies? The original size-diff couple, shame the way it ended.

always listening, I'm afraid

It might be time for my near-yearly Detectorists rewatch...

the boys yearn for the sod n' beeping rods.

Every day I resist the conscious urge to become a metal detectorist - I've found myself deep in thought looking at fields, little patches of soil, and green clearings.

Beneath the soil, history waits to be seen, it hums a little tune beneath the dirt and waits - never knowing sky.

fuggs

#art

today's haiku:-

"I swear, no more mince"
I cautiously reach inside
... his soggy-pocket

today's haiku:-

you, bearded and stout
me, and my pocket berries
feed, tender from me.

NEW: I ran 80,000 simulations of the election. My wife left me for a guy who doesn’t do that.

meatball.... americana.

STAY IN LINE at subway, it's not too late to vote 📣📣📣

featmeat...

uh balllong

meatlong football

it is not too late to submit mail-in ballots - simply tape a picture of who you want to vote for above a footlong meatball marinara... and 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖐 on that fucking thang hahaaaa 😍🤤

spent all day firebombing a number of walmarts in swing states #KamalaHarris2024

I feel like this one is potentially the next "Whiplash" - a twisted tutor who thrives for perfection, but clearly posesses sadistic tendencies.

Ratatouille but the rat sometimes makes you jerk off - however he is still a remarkable chef.

today's haiku:-

the many-hatlaw
duel him, and find out why
all the dead... die bald

my ass was geeking ln for real

today's haiku:-

o' dying star
upon my furrowed brow
old, and yet young

whoever decided to garlic up bread for the first time might be one of my top 5 favourite people