Lonliest Gai'shain (he/him)

Terry, the croissant plushie, looks adorable as he is surrounded by various medicines. And several bananas.

Dr. Terry is here to make you feel better!

S'okay...I really don't deserve healing anyway. Ouch... (Narrator: The gai'shain has now also impaled one hand on the tusk as well, which severely hampers his ability to crawl towards where he thinks the Roofmistress is waiting for tea. How is he SO flexible?)

The Roofmistress...needs...tea...must...reach... Roofmistress...(Narrator: The gai'shain struggles off Jack's back and slowly begins to crawl towards where he thinks the Roofmistress is. Which, of course, is in the complete opposite direction.)

Terry, the plushie croissant, sits on a wooden shelf, holding a piece of paper in his adorable feet that says "Hi, Bree!".

Would you settle for a cute Terry?

I NEED those pictures. NEEEEEED....

NO ONE has ever referred to me as cute. You are clearly thinking of another gai'shain. Perhaps my older brother, Blaine Guy? People like him a lot. I wish I knew what that felt like...

ALSO: Hi, Bree!

A stuffed dodo bird in a glass cage. It is a short, squat, dumpy flightless bird with a large beak and large, yellow feet.

The resemblance is uncanny...

Uh...you probably need enough for two wounds now.

(Narrator: the tusk remains impaled upon the gai'shain's knee but is now also stuck firmly into the small of his back as well, showing an amazing limberness that I was not aware he possessed.)

My challenge is to tell everyone what your spirit animal is and why. Actual photos of your spirit animal are encouraged if not required.

Mine, of course, is a dodo bird for quite obvious reasons that need no elaboration.

It just tastes like failure and pain to me.

That doesn't surprise me as they ARE notoriously hard to photograph at the opera. They would say they weren't watching they were experiencing, but they are a bit snooty about their Wagner.

Of course, they just had to take a taxi to the opera, which they didn't appreciate.

Just don't ask about the cabbages...

Almost certainly my fault. Clouds hate me but with good reason.

I have been here the whole time, I had just run myself over with a goat cart filled with goats and cabbages (AGAIN!) and was afraid to call for help because the last time that happened only small children came and only to paint "loser" all over my body. To be fair, it was what I deserved.

(Narrator: The gai'shain immediately impales himself in the kneecap with it. By the screams, I think we can definitely say it did NOT help with the pain. This Narrator thinks that Mel should have known better with this one...)

YOU see him, too?!!

Oh, I should introduce him to my hallucination. He is a guy named Kevin who REALLY likes trolloc nipples. I bet they will get along nicely.

(Narrator: The gai'shain looks horrified when he hears this, knowing he has drunk all the oosquai he had on him, which was a LOT, to help deal with the pain. On the plus side, it kept him from passing out from the pain. On the other hand, it's what caused him to pass out from alcohol poisining.)

I thought I saw a squid float by earlier with @jackbwuzhere.bsky.social following it with a giant syringe but I am pretty sure they were a hallucination and I didn't call out because it's rude to talk to your hallucinations, or so I've been told MANY times.

No. I have been laying here in pain for quite some time but doing so silently because it is the least I deserve. #SOmuchtoh

Someone peed on the hens?!! Wow, I missed SO MUCH.

(Narrator: Oh, and if anyone cares, the gai'shain has confused beetles with two-step snakes and is about to be in big trouble. AGAIN. Someone should probably save him, or send a Wise One to heal him. AGAIN. This is why we Narrators deserve the big bucks. It's exhausting to keep tabs on that one.)

(Narrator: Really, {}? You know full well that [] is not a Union member. Not even eligible due to his foreign citizenship. We must not spill Union secrets. Omniscience is one thing, but Union secrets are something totally different.)

All this math is very scary. And what did 7 do?!! I must know.

(Narrator: On a personal note, I have enjoyed my time away and will need a significant raise if my services will be needed on a more regular basis again. Please speak to the Omniscient Narrator Union Local Chapter 342 for current rates.)

You heard Mierin. We need beetle cookies right away! (Narrator: The gai'shain puts on his tailor-made beetle-mushing shoes and runs in the direction he thought he saw the beetles going which, of course, is as wrong as possible.)

Like most of the world, I assume, I'm working on techniques from the hot new book, "An Idiot's Guide to NOT Stabbing Yourself In The Foot With A Knife, Spear, Fork, Chopstick, Chair Leg, Basting Brush Or Your Neighbor Ted's Knee".

Are you all finding it as helpful as I do?

Are gai'shain allowed at JordanCon? #AskingForAFriend

(Narrator: Apparently, in the recent absence of a reliable narrator, the Hinderstream has forgotten the importance of Croissant Appreciation Festival, tradition stretching back generations, to the days when only Older Tongue was spoken, a language only kept alive in dance performed by meerkats.)

Terry, the adorable plushie croissant, sits on a black surface, holding a rose in his adorable little feet.

"Did someone say "croissant"?!

Just popped in to remind you all that love is > than either. Love you all." -Terry