Ārums / they/them

Got vaccinated against influenza.

Gave partner spreadsheet I've been slowly building of med costs, as a treat

They set up sheet to calculate and I've been paying about $140/month for supplements, only one of which wasn't recommendation from dr

Plus the dietary supplements I don't have costs for

Backup plan of Lyft: if they 'forget' shared calendar entry doctor appointment next week about for my persistent intermittent fevers.

I'm mad. No income & they never paid me back last year for bulk of groceries on my cards while they were off their gourd w blood infection, stroke, heart surgery

Granted, I hadn't been up for driving anywhere on weekend: woke up Saturday, rolled over wrong and fucked something in left shoulder blade / rib cage.

And days when I have been delirious, wasn't up for driving.

But default assumption, taking car & NOT answering phone despite telling me to phone

I get up, go pee, they're down in kitchen.

Get out of the bathroom, they've once again fucked off with the car, despite last night saying "yes, as soon as they open"

I am so fucking exhausted. "oh you never leave the house" - because walking anywhere is weeklong crash and wheelchair is in trunk

Roommate yesterday, 10 minutes before therapy inquires if I've been vaccinated yet.

I tell them busy, available after 15:30

They don't reply to my other messages, show up after 9pm

"Oh I didn't think it was priority for you, as you hadn't done it yet"

I haven't had access to car for 2 weeks.

Cats and dogs hating vacuum cleaners? Me & leaf blowers.

That's free garden insulation and beneficial insect habitat being stripped away.

I'm less fight-y this year about it, out of exhaustion, and powdery mildew showing up this year on maple suckers.

Grabbed over ear hearing protection, calmer

Abruptly awake, heard what I thought was a vibrator turned itself on and gotten into a weird pattern mode.

No, it was leaf blowers in distance 🤦

And they're running riding lawn mowers over non-existent grass growth.

Left ear is cranky or I'd put earplugs in.

(because I have to climb stairs for shower / my injection.

Stairs is usually 5 minutes of recovering.

Injection I usually try to stay still for 10 minutes after.

Shower is usually at least 15 minutes of recovering.

There will be no get up and go juice.)

Third sled of clay hauled across greenspace to the dirt and plant dump.

Part of me knows I should pause, go shower, do injection.

But probability of me putting clothes back on to dig more today is low if I pause longer than 15 minutes

And it's going to rain and be gross chilly again soon

Wormwood stems lying on fallen autumn color maple leaves, on green grass. The stems have tiny flower heads full of seeds at the end of stems. They were left standing on the plants, until I cut them this morning

A cookie tin, lined with cardstock containing wormwood seed heads. The wormwood flower heads, seeds (the little flecks on paper), and some leaf debris have been stripped off the stems. I may pick out leaf debris later, I may forget. It's dry to touch, and sitting open to air inside, so it doesn't all blow away in a gust of wind Lower leaves were stripped onto the ground

Got myself out into sunshine.

Was going to dig up some of the wormwood to start a hole for the second elderberry, but remembered the wormwood is only thing that has thrived- that corner gets dried out in heat from large maple tree.

Stripped the leaves and seed heads, stems ready for retting.

Glimmer

Stressed / depressed, realized I don't have it in me to give out treats in the rain.

Part of me is "but seeing excitement and costumes"

The rest of me "roommate didn't acquire treats, and it's too damp to spin"

(Sitting outside lessens nervous system stress of unpredictable interval for me)

yeah, mine also contextually makes sense.

I hope you can find bits of sunshine here and there, to help get through.

I lost track of time digging in the garden while the sun was out, which felt like a gift. I hadn't lost myself in something in a good way for a while.

Ah, I should have clicked through to see it is through ActBlue - yeah no, I cannot contribute.

Can non-Americans contribute to the legal costs? I know as a Canadian, I legally cannot donate to your election campaign.

Seeing you putting yourself out there in defense of community has been a ray of hope.

(I don't have much that I could donate, so don't want to mess things up with my $20ish)

(maple had been cut down by condo corp last fall.

This spring, the stump sent up branches really fast.

I wanted to weave them into an arch. I can't remember if I was working on this before or after I got sick in spring.

I haven't done grafting before, so safe experiment.

Others didn't succeed)

Twine around two maple twigs, with bark joining them together. Green maple leaves visible as part leaves. A fence behind

Came outside to make myself absorb some sunshine.

Started digging bigger hole for elderberry.

Had to take break.

Decided to prune some maple powdery mildew on leaves.

Realized one of the grafts attempted in spring succeeded!

(Probably need to try to untie twine so that it doesn't impede later)

Seasonal affective disorder depression has hit sooner than expected this year.

It took Friday through Monday to get bedding changed to spare set. Got it washed yesterday and put away today.

Going to go make myself sit outside in sunshine for a bit, it's cooler after unseasonable warmth last while

Post something random, in hopes of a better November. Or to avoid an awful November. Whichever.

Do you have (or can you acquire) an extension cord, lamp, incandescent bulb (or terrarium bulb)?

It doesn't have the fan of an actual space heater but might help offset some heat loss if not dealing with tropicals

Or, an old laptop running something processor heavy 😂

Forgot point: anyone is one bad accident or virus from needing long-term healthcare coverage.

Everyone needs and deserves healthcare.

The fallout of multiple COVID-19 infections on population is a mess, and impact on youth in particular is going to take years to figure out.

I have narcolepsy with cataplexy that developed after influenza that led to pneumonia when I was in high school.

The undiagnosed autism and ADHD and depression was uh, 2002 until about 2018 of trying to find a med combination to be nearing functionality.

Plus migraines and hyper mobile.

🫂 slight flashbacks to last year, but, yeah I guess it's weird that taking them in to get their heart rhythm reset via zapping has just become a normal thing in my brain that happens a few times a year

I ate squished chocolate cake in bag and more getting home. Put leftovers away, meds kicking in

I hope tomorrow you wake up, and have something tasty or nourishing.

That your beverage of choice is ideal temperature.

That you can celebrate moments of joy in self.

Or see a cool leaf.
Or cuddle a cat.

I am safely home, got night meds in me.

They're still waiting for a bed.

I kind of wanted to stay to watch zappies, as it usually ends up being teaching moment for as many staff as possible who haven't seen one before.

I think I overheard 7 hour wait for urgent care

And just heard someone Hulk yell, which, uh, yeah, I'm out. Actually leaving, was making sure roommate had keys and phone still

Yup, roommate just kicked my wheelchair pedals twice in a minute, I need to leave

There have been no more codes.

But two police officers escorting guy they were getting cigarettes for.

And a lot more people clicking videos, having volume blare, then turning their sound off.

My butt is numb. I think I leave roommate to hear their own name

Security and police asking if anyone has a cigarette to try to keep agitated patient calm.

I'm not going outside to eat my baggie of chocolate cake I guess.

Roommate switched from Japanese to Carcassonne to Snood - there is no way they are hearing anyone at this point 🙃

You are very lovely and deserve many hugs