Jeffw

Me: I've a particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
[spills soup down my front]
Dry cleaner: I see

there is no god when Diane Keaton dies before Woody Allen does

Can't like the original post now, so I'll like this one instead

I mean, SO Anderson and just perfect. The cinematography is off the scale. Loved it 10/10

Ah yes. 4:30am…

naked and afraid

but it's just me going pee in the middle of the night

Long over due watch of Asteroid City.
Did I understand any of it? Of course not.
Did I love it? Hell yeah!
It somehow restored my faith in cinema and art and why, as a young drama student, I was all about Tati, Wenders, Jarmusch, Jeunet and yes, later, Anderson.
Something I thought I had lost.

You're being finicky now…
😁

[at dinner party]
Host: You really want to try this little Bordeaux Supérieur. As its name suggests, it IS—
Me: from Bordeaux?
My wife: *downing her second glass* See? It's because of that kind of shit people normally don't invite you to parties

Well, do what you do best 👍🏻

Yes. That’s what they are. I found one from a nice person who asked me if I was okay… almost two years ago

I FINALLY solved my DM access problem. I eagerly opened them for the first time since they were implemented on this app and found… 5 DMs 😑
Three of which were to test the DMs. So who's mister popular?!

No idea where I was going with this. Saturday, eh?

Of course, I've also seen people not doing so well… we have quite a few on the way 💔

Social media is made of people and life happens to people.

It's amazing the amount of you lot that I've known for YEARS that have became successful and/or famous (especially authors) since. You are really a great bunch and I feel blessed to have seen all happening.

Me? LoL. Me, no, not so much. 🤷‍♂️

So cool

You know the Nobel Prize committee? Well, 10/10, no notes. Made my day.

stop thinking right now

Friend who organised the fancy dress party: I didn’t think that’s what you meant by “dressed like Winnie the Pooh”
Me: What? Why?! That’s exactly what he wears! Just a short red T-shirt.
Friend: you can’t come in.

billboard: hey look at me
me: can’t I’m driving
billboard: come on look
me: eyes on the road
billboard: pls it’s important
me: fine what is it
billboard: drive safely lol

God, this is too much niceness, and I really mean this in the best possible way ❤️

I hate nonsense and stereotypes, which is SO Sagittarius

Everyone hugs at the airport but apparently you have to know the person before you do it

Sue Storm [on the phone]: Where are you Richard?
Mr Fantastic: I'm still at the lab. But go and open the front door, there's a surprise for you
Sue Storm: It better not be your knob
Mr Fantastic: *quickly* don't open the door!

Mr Fantastic [over the phone]: … so if I try to stretch the length, it's long, sure, but ridiculously thin, and if I try to stretch the girth, it becomes uselessly shor—
Invisible Woman: *suddenly appearing next to him* You better be talking to a doctor, Richard!

Good save there 😁

Ramen AND beautiful people sounds like a great lunch break

That, and fake quotes!
"Fake quotes are the refuge of the dimwitted" as Groucho Marx used to say

I hate nonsense and stereotypes, which is SO Sagittarius

nice!