Jeffw

(obviously not you Gab. You are too decent for that type of posts)

Fuck them.
As long as it isn't offens— no wait.
I was right the first time, fuck them.

Oh no. You have them over there too?! That made me very sad. Vile things. Bat them. Bat them good.

[in Sir David Attenborough's voice]

Tortoises… Nature's microwaveable meal for one. It even comes in its own bowl.

🎶Trump, huh, yeah🎶
🎶What is he good for?🎶
🎶Absolutely nothing🎶
🎶Say it again, y'all🎶
🎶Trump, huh (good God)🎶
🎶What is it good for?🎶
🎶Absolutely nothing, listen to me, oh🎶

[in Sir David Attenborough's voice]

Tortoises… Nature's microwaveable meal for one. It even comes in its own bowl.

An English Heritage Blue Plaque reading: Erwin Schrödinger, creator of Wave Mechanics lived and didn’t live here 1940 - 1956 Don’t tell anyone, but it’s a fake. I would know, I made it.

Well played, blue plaque. Well played.

Epic Fury
̶M̶a̶x̶i̶m̶u̶m̶ ̶I̶r̶e̶ ̶
̶L̶e̶g̶e̶n̶d̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶A̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶
̶B̶i̶g̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶P̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶

“When you hit rock bottom, give a good kick because the only way is up,” they say…
[hits rock bottom]
[kicks down]
[both feet become instantly firmly stuck in the sludge]
"oh bother"

I feel such a fool, I got the country wrong 🙄

Yeah, I bet the Nobel prize committee are really fucking kicking themselves…

I know right?!

Epic Fury
̶M̶a̶x̶i̶m̶u̶m̶ ̶I̶r̶e̶ ̶
̶L̶e̶g̶e̶n̶d̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶A̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶
̶B̶i̶g̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶P̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶

True.
See K? Now you didn't go far south enough.

Oops, I did it again…

You went too far down, there are some Welsh people up north.

No offence to K, but you're stretching the meaning of Welshman a bit here, Gary.

… okay, maybe a bit of offence to K, I don't really mind

Every time I see stories about Mamdani, it looks like Matt Murdock became mayor instead of the Kingpin, and that's just really great.

Damnit. I'm already paranoid/suspicious enough about it as it is… 🙄😑

Shrinking though? That was pretty damn good (in a different genre)

Anyway, this made me giggle on my own at lunch time when I thought of it.

Of course, in France, Michelle Visage is known as Michael Face.

[Starbucks]
Barista: Name, for the cup?
Guy I just jumped in front of in the queue: John Wick
Me [waiting for my coffee a bit further]: oh no

[hr] and you understand the job

[me] yes i was a ninja for 20 years

[hr] uh huh to be a delivery driver they can only see the sorry we missed you notice

[the chair is empty except a sorry we missed you notice]

[hr] oh this guys fricken hired

Did You know?

Milkshake Duck made it to the British dictionary. Fact.

… it sounds cheesy to me.

Them: Excuse me, do you speak English?
Me: No, I do not, I'm afraid
Them: But you answered in English?!
Me: Everything I am saying now, I learnt phonetically by heart in the event of such a conversation
Them: Really? Because it is incredibly coherent
Me: Blueberry muffin galore!
Them: ah, here it is

A lovely cool tone photograph, in hues of grey and blue, of a quiet creek where the perfectly still water mirrors the sky. The inspirational quote reads “Go Fuck Yourself”

I used to be an inspirational quote account.
It didn't work out.

I know that in Snooker, the referee is generally most agreeable.