Jeffw

“When you hit rock bottom, give a good kick because the only way is up,” they say…
[hits rock bottom]
[kicks down]
[both feet become instantly firmly stuck in the sludge]
"oh bother"

I feel such a fool, I got the country wrong 🙄

Yeah, I bet the Nobel prize committee are really fucking kicking themselves…

Epic Fury
̶M̶a̶x̶i̶m̶u̶m̶ ̶I̶r̶e̶ ̶
̶L̶e̶g̶e̶n̶d̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶A̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶
̶B̶i̶g̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶P̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶

I know right?!

Epic Fury
̶M̶a̶x̶i̶m̶u̶m̶ ̶I̶r̶e̶ ̶
̶L̶e̶g̶e̶n̶d̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶A̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶
̶B̶i̶g̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶P̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶

True.
See K? Now you didn't go far south enough.

Oops, I did it again…

You went too far down, there are some Welsh people up north.

No offence to K, but you're stretching the meaning of Welshman a bit here, Gary.

… okay, maybe a bit of offence to K, I don't really mind

Every time I see stories about Mamdani, it looks like Matt Murdock became mayor instead of the Kingpin, and that's just really great.

Damnit. I'm already paranoid/suspicious enough about it as it is… 🙄😑

Of course, in France, Michelle Visage is known as Michael Face.

Shrinking though? That was pretty damn good (in a different genre)

Anyway, this made me giggle on my own at lunch time when I thought of it.

Of course, in France, Michelle Visage is known as Michael Face.

[Starbucks]
Barista: Name, for the cup?
Guy I just jumped in front of in the queue: John Wick
Me [waiting for my coffee a bit further]: oh no

[hr] and you understand the job

[me] yes i was a ninja for 20 years

[hr] uh huh to be a delivery driver they can only see the sorry we missed you notice

[the chair is empty except a sorry we missed you notice]

[hr] oh this guys fricken hired

Did You know?

Milkshake Duck made it to the British dictionary. Fact.

… it sounds cheesy to me.

An English Heritage Blue Plaque reading: Erwin Schrödinger, creator of Wave Mechanics lived and didn’t live here 1940 - 1956 Don’t tell anyone, but it’s a fake. I would know, I made it.

Well played, blue plaque. Well played.

Them: Excuse me, do you speak English?
Me: No, I do not, I'm afraid
Them: But you answered in English?!
Me: Everything I am saying now, I learnt phonetically by heart in the event of such a conversation
Them: Really? Because it is incredibly coherent
Me: Blueberry muffin galore!
Them: ah, here it is

A lovely cool tone photograph, in hues of grey and blue, of a quiet creek where the perfectly still water mirrors the sky. The inspirational quote reads “Go Fuck Yourself”

I used to be an inspirational quote account.
It didn't work out.

I know that in Snooker, the referee is generally most agreeable.

psychiatrist: you seem distracted
me: i have "tom's diner" in my head
psychiatrist: that's a catchy song!
me: yeah it is
psychiatrist: how long has it been stuck in your head?
me: since 1987, that's why i'm here

A lovely cool tone photograph, in hues of grey and blue, of a quiet creek where the perfectly still water mirrors the sky. The inspirational quote reads “Go Fuck Yourself”

I used to be an inspirational quote account.
It didn't work out.

Sorry my sport team was better than your sport team

(NOT a hockey post)

Are you even English if you don't shout "For the Crown and Country!" when you orgasm?!
Or any other pub for that matter?

To make matters worse, it was the side of an antique cocktail cabinet very precious to my wife.
I'm having a great day 😑