Isabel Zaw-Tun

[the inventor of ADHD meds making their pitch] ok imagine: methamphetamine!! that you take so you can answer emails

meme of Bilbo Baggins wanting to keep the ring

When the kitchen in your shared workplace has a really good spoon

Famous image of Caroline Bassette and John Kennedy yelling at each other at a park in NYC

30 years ago today

when I was 15 I met my friend’s mom and I said “wow you look like that lady… the one who got into a screaming fight at the park” because that had been my primary childhood exposure to Caroline Bassette Kennedy. Kelsey’s mom did not realize it was a nice compliment

HER: *puts cherry in mouth and seductively pulls out stem perfectly tied into a knot*

ME: *puts hand in box of Bugles and seductively pulls out bugles perfectly balanced on each finger*

really starting to understand why that old woman left it all behind to go live in a shoe

[on my deathbed] I should have… I should have posted more. I had- [coughs] I had so many takes

This is the wholesome family content I come to this website for

Porn guy: anybody order a pizza? Extra large pepperoni sausage? *tears off shirt to reveal the biggest reddest areolas you’ve ever seen*

the barber does not own your hair. you are well within your rights to take all the clippings with you when you leave

Guess I'm just built different (vestigial tail)

I don’t know which team won the superbowl and frankly I don’t care to know. I will never find out

That’s private

do you think frankenstein’s monster ever took an arm off so he could sleep more comfortably on his side

This one works for sports as well! I think

on the one hand I feel plagued with terrible writer’s block but on the other hand I think anyone for whom jokes are currently flowing like wine should be treated VERY suspiciously

Omg I currently work in museums and this is so accurate it hurts

nobody say Synergy. Synergy is SO 2006

I was offline and missed this but seeing it today made my heart explode, thank you 💕

What’s your favourite Grown-Up Board Meeting word, mine is “modality”

pastel steel and aluminum fridges? With ice cube trays that have that built-in lifter??? You completely whiffed it, you whiffed it

astounding to me how "make America great again" was referring to fascism and NOT classic refrigerators with lazy susan trays in them. Really missed the point with that slogan.

I think if you cry in the salon you should get a free haircut!!!

Picture of UK television presenter Jonathan Ross

Terrible day for this man

Hamlet, hear: whilst sleeping in my orchard, thy uncle stole with juice of cursèd hebona and in the porches of my ears did pour the leprous distilment. But! Within mine ears were mine Loop Earplugs. Thus, I dith not die! Hamlet, my son, useth code KINGOFDENMARK at checkout to secure a 10% discount,

Welcome to the party!

Finally, we have created an AI that uses AI for you! Thinking is a fool's game! Instead of spending valuable masturbating time thinking of a prompt, just collapse your atrophied balloon animal body onto this big button & groan sluggishly into the mic. Hm? No, if you groan despairingly, it won't work

Now I'm not saying I'm an expert on economy money stuff or anything, but the housing market got suspiciously terrible right after we stopped putting sick ass wrap-around porches on everything

My new year’s resolution is to not be cloven in twain