davbid

my life was better before knowing happened

Every day the moon drifts slightly further away from earth and honestly, I don't blame it.

life is when you take two steps forward and then someone spartan kicks you into a ditch

*repeatedly yells "representative" into the abyss

A simple neck kiss can speed up the ATM transaction of the person ahead of you.

Me: that’s the dumbest joke I’ve ever read

*reposts*

THE INVENTOR OF SADNESS: what if I told you that you could have something that was weightless, yet so very heavy

as a stoner, I love episode recaps

Those who don’t learn from history are destined to microwave French fries

Waking up in a puddle of drool every morning is the best moisturizer

be the umlaut you wish to see in your wörds

Hitting my vape before I give you mouth to mouth so that when you come back to life it looks like a pretty sick demon is leaving your body

ME: am I just a piece of meat to you

CANNIBAL:

Throwin floppy discs like ninja stars and just fuckin people up with pain and nostalgia

a man in a bishop 's hat says then rrrove twue rrove ALT: a man in a bishop 's hat says then rrrove twue rrove

😍😍😍
twue cwime

Let’s snuggle and watch true crime. 🩷

[half listening]

omg that's crazy, your honor

I’m convinced if I went missing the milk carton would just say “never mind”

"He can't do that" they say, about a thing he is about to do

his face is perfect for like a discord emote

her breasts rested on her chest as she lay on her back, like two poached eggs that lost their form in the pot

Preparing for a big day

(sits on edge of bed and stares into a non-existent distance because there's a wall just a few feet in front of me)

why is it, “slide into dms” like a baseball player stealing 2nd base, instead of, “sashay into dms,” which is more refined?

If your tummy hurts police legally can’t arrest you.

It’s more definitive with “a someone” rather than just any someone.
It’s perfect as it is. ❤️

All I want is for a someone to love me the way I am… even though I'm really, really crazy

Turns out it wasn’t just a phase, mom.

Laynce thinks it's good thing to be the main character on bluesky. Don't be like Laynce.