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I live life with my Crocs in sports mode.😑

they'll chip in for the⚱️if I'm on the clock when it happens, right?🤔

looks like a croc in distress to me.👀

I'm not saying I'd swim out to help . . . but I feel like I'd still manage to get eaten🤦🏿, I'm definitely falling for the trap.😒

the fact that I actually looked it up is what upsets me🙄😖

🤔😑.

I feel like they did all the heavy lifting. it was our job to sit there and look cute.

when an octopus feels stress, they want to go into hiding.

me.
I'm the octopus.🐙

a man in a red shirt is laying in a bed with his eyes closed . ALT: a man in a red shirt is laying in a bed with his eyes closed .

some mistakes you make twice before you get it right . . . letting a fluoxetine capsule not clear your throat before it opens up ain't one of them👍🏿😉

🫴🏿lifestyle changing event.

years of TikTok in my🩸has made me wyld in these inanet streets.👀
I don't know how to act.
got checked bullying a stranger, I was tryna be cutsie,
my kid(30) put me on timeout. I was that OVERLY helpful Mom🤦🏿while she in the hospital fighting for her life (figuratively)

I can't go cold turkey

I was young and didn't have any idea what it meant to "know your worth". those weren't big phrases in the late 90's.
his ring,
my ring,
engagement ring.
$350
💎💍
. . . 6mo pregnant, and accepting🤗

$350
I forgot to lead with that part.

let me share a secret, don't tell anyone but-
a lifetime ago, my fiance tossed me my wedding set combo and let me know he got it discount at the jewelry warehouse.

what I'm hoping is, that ridiculousness helps you smile a little bit. I'm sorry your ex is a🤔 liar.

my bad, you are right... I was a jerk for that. I truly apologize.

as inappropriate as this meme comes across...
what I mean is:

"I'm listening."

the other part of those rings is gone right?

a cookie monster is standing in front of a blue curtain ALT: a cookie monster is standing in front of a blue curtain

me heard there was cookie in room?

😏I meaaaan. . . 🫴🏿

politicians jockeying stance on TikTok for gain, bipartisan voting to trash it, just to have the political right dangle it at 11th hour to quiet us savages is the abusive relationship America be needing therapy for🤔

a cartoon of a man holding a cup with the words what written on it ALT: a cartoon of a man holding a cup with the words what written on it

I'mma be 50 this year, I don't like this resurgence of Snapchat in the pre middle-aged youts👀

it was hard enough back then, please don't make me have to learn it now😳

YouTube got me going back to my basics!🤗

Who's the boss?!👀

lines I would definitely use as "this guy" (cover your drinks 👀)

Not me talking in my sleep again: yelling at my kids cuz they making too much damn noise. . .

only to wake up and remember they been grown and out the house for a decade🙄😳
#emptynestproblems
#musclememory
#theyrenevergonnaknow

nothing sends my day more upsidedown,
than realizing my underwears are on inside out😑🤬

I was concerned about his heart,
so I gave him unsalted.
he was protecting his heart,
so he left.🧑🏿‍🎨🎭

a man in a red suit and tie is sitting in front of a blue wall . ALT: a man in a red suit and tie is sitting in front of a blue wall .

life is bleak . . .

and then you flip that handheld bidet sprayer in the right direction😲

a planter with flowers in it sits on a porch ALT: a planter with flowers in it sits on a porch

UPS straight up ding dong ditchin my stuff!!😤

damn UPS got me like I'm still waiting on Dad to come back with the milk.