Nate Postlethwait

Under no circumstances, or at any time, should you ever say “But they’re your family” to a person who does not have contact with their family.

Sending peace to every person who is trying to break the cycle that tried to break them.

When someone realizes they can’t manipulate you, they make up stories about you to others and then manipulates whoever believes that story.

Never tell a person they need to get over circumstances they didn’t ask for. You have no idea the ways they’ve paid for that.

Share less with people who aren’t rooting for you. As simple as that sounds, you know who wants you to succeed. Do not explain yourself, or ask for approval/guidance from those who aren’t invested in you finding peace and growth as well as a good life for yourself.

If they support the people who’ve traumatized you, they don’t need to know anything about your life. Let them guess.

Relationships are not something you’re supposed to have to recover from.

Telling a traumatized person “You need to let it go” dismisses the reality of their nervous system and body. No one wants to relive traumatic experiences on an ongoing basis. People are triggered by past trauma because they’re traumatized, not because they’re unwilling to let go.

Not all hurt people, hurt people. Some of them remember how much it cost them and couldn’t imagine putting someone else through that.

I wish people saw how often someone is overexplaining because they grew up constantly being criticized when they were trying to be understood.

I have never experienced abuse that made me stronger. It made me fearful, confused, dysregulated, afraid, detached, addicted, shameful, and apologetic to people who were hurting me. Surviving it did not make me strong. It made me tired.

A person in their darkest hours doesn't need a pep talk. They need to know someone else sees and understands the darkness.

It speaks volumes about the lack of integrity in a person telling you to get over circumstances they put you through.

When your first heartbreak is from your parents, it's hard to believe you're meant to be treated well.

Toxic families rename the accomplishments of the scapegoat into something demeaning. Self-respect is called arrogance. Boundaries are called cold-hearted. Just a reminder if you’re the scapegoat: It’s ok to feel good about accomplishing more than what your family planned on.

Stop judging people based on the relationship they have with their family. People often have to walk away from their family because that's the only hope for healing and a healthy life. Respect their loss and courage. Trust that they've paid a significant price.

The irony when someone tries to
punish you with their silence and their silence brings you peace.

Society will heal when survivors are given the kind of support their abusers get.

"You are playing the victim" is often said to actual victims by actual perpetrators. Do you know what it means when a perpetrator is claiming to be hurt by the truth their victims share? The perpetrator is playing the victim. Hypocrisy thrives in abusive people.

If you are a trauma survivor, it's likely need the reminder: You owe people much less than you think you do.

Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they face years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of that trauma and said “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.

There are people who will deny your story because it requires them to be honest about their role in the ways you’ve been hurt. These are not your people.

Seriously, you were a kid. It wasn’t your fault.

Please don’t accept advice from people who were active in your trauma but absent in your healing.

The reason trauma survivors are so independent is because they grew up in homes where needing help was met with criticism. They’ve adapted to not needing others, because of what it costs to want help & to get hurt for asking. Independence isn’t a choice but an act of survival.

Less “You’re so strong” and more “That looks heavy. Let me help you carry it.”

Sometimes it's too late to repair a relationship. When people choose to heal, engaging certain people is never going to be in their best interest. Healing doesn't mean you feel better in the presence of those who hurt you. Sometimes healing is knowing not to go back.

How about less “But didn’t you see the red flags?” And more “I see how hard you were trying to be loved.”

Please stop encouraging reconciliation when the person who did the harm isn’t even sorry.

An honest child will pay a significant price in a family or home where truths are hidden.