'dro🐰

Square of paper with a face drawn on it and the words I HATE EVERYTHING (space) BUT YOU. Fountain pen on paper.

I made a romantic note for my wife.

I assume this also applies to the wedding reception shot glasses?

The etiquette is that you have to stop using the engagement party favor beer koozie once the couple gets divorced

Love listening to a whimsical "magic bookstore in the woods" playlist while I increase value for shareholders

Whenever you feel alone remember that there are a lot of people in your life that can barely tolerate you but they do anyway

I see you over there looking at your Apple Watch like a Power Ranger.

I get glitched in the matrix all the time but I don't ask for manager shit cause I'm no Kareanu

Small watercolor painting depicting a gloomy seascape at night. A small sailboat lies on the water in the light of the full moon. The sea is calm. But in the deep, dark black-green water beneath the boat, a black kraken tentacle with white suction cups writhes.

#hARToween25
Day 6: Dark Water

I'm right where I'm supposed to be
(not knowing the rest of the Reba theme song)

“Swifties are like a cult they always try and force us to listen to her”
Actually bestie I would love for you not to listen to her music cause I WANT CONCERT TICKETS AND SHIT NOT TO SELL OUT WITH IN SECONDS im actually begging you to let me gatekeep her 😩

[old folks home] then everybody started arguing about whether you could be racist towards an AI or not. There wasn’t any AI! They were statistical language models, they weren’t awake! But you had to wade through fifty posts about this hogwash to find any jokes

[nurse] maybe we should up the haldol

Listen, I’m old and lazy. You can go to Mastadon if you want, but I’ll stay here to get ignored.

Hate to burst your bubble, but…I’m kidding I love it. Fuck your bubble

I've reached the age where adventures cease rollicking

I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere.

A rooster with Michael Stipes head squares off with a pigeon. Text overlay reads that's me in the corner, that's me in a cock fight losing to a pigeon

I'm on a misheard lyrics kick today

the tumble setting on a dryer can be used to make cement but only once

sometimes you will just be walking a dog in your pajamas

🥺

Super cali fragiolistic plantar fasciitis

Oh yeah well I'm gonna go build my own echo chamber with my own echo chamber with my own echo chamber with my own echo chamber

All my loves wear suits of flesh to qualify for the human discount.

Picture of Stephen Miller with caption: "Stephen Miller got into politics because his arms were too weak to strangle prostitutes."

calling 911 to report that the body I'm in is definitely not mine

[letter to vitamin company]

So your ad said that this supplement "helps with memory loss" but I'm still remembering stuff

[An armed authoritarian mob is setting fire to my home while I am inside]

I should write a strongly worded letter about this

Bluesky feed is like

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we're doomed
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we're doomed
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we're doomed
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cute kitty!
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we're doomed
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we're doomed
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[adult content]
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we're doomed
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I just want her there delivering beatdowns

Reeeeeeally hoping they find a way to get Sophie under contract next season

and you may find yourself taking a pill and eating outback cheese fries and listening to quiet romantic music in the dark