'dro🐰

GOD: Noah, I said build an "ark." What the heck is this?

NOAH: An arc reactor.

GOD: But...

NOAH: I AM IRON MAN

wouldn't be my neighborhood if, on a pleasant day, at least one neighbor did not make a gigantic ruckus chopping and grinding trees

if they catch you making spooky noises, they'll call you eeriesponsible

get new glasses, they break, put on a pair of slightly older glasses, those break, put on a pair of even older glasses. this is called benjamin buttoning your eyes

mike tyson's full name is mike thank you son

*batman voice* do you have any cough drops

Super cool that I'm seeing ads in my corporate Outlook email

*loads gun*

People do what you pay them to do.
You pay corporate executives to make stock prices go up, not to make better products.
You pay politicians to get re-elected, not to govern well.
You pay reporters to get a bigger audience, not to tell the truth.
And so forth.
Be aware of what you pay people to do

Probably should go to bed. Probably shouldn’t have had that coffee. Gary checked his watch. Probably should charge his watch.

YouTube video by Warner Records Vault Ride - Vapour Trail (Video)

youtu.be/pVhNi5cU8mo?...

two brown tabbies named mango and mochi laying on my bed. mango is grooming mochi and giving her a little play bite

oh my god get a room you two

woman in a machine seemingly trying to transfer herself to a robot body

interviewer: what's your five year plan

me: uhhhhh

when life feels too predictable i like to play a lil game called What Happens If I Dont Take My Meds

It is 9:30am on a Wednesday so I, naturally, am making ravioli

Going to Hitler's house party, but crossing my arms the whole time so people know I'm NOT enjoying it

A person wears a jacket that has the texture and appearance of a fluffy waffle

Her: I’m starving, let’s go to Waffle House

Me: Sure, just let me throw on my-

i was helping a friend fix up her car and we were really disappointed when something went wrong after we were hoping we did everything right. but then i hit her with that "we'll all be dust someday", motioning to the car and to us. and that helped a lot. friends help friends abandon all desire

No thanks. If I wanted to hear an old man lie to me about how great of a job he’s doing, I’d go to church

That scene in Talladega Nights where Ricky Bobby is on camera and doesn’t know what to do with his hands, except that’s my entire personality when someone compliments me

has anybody else felt stressed during the past ten years

continues to be bullshit that my body is betraying me now, after i've spent all these decades ignoring it

Milk, it does a body dirty

It Only Tuesday

It Only Tuesday https://theonion.com/it-only-tuesday-1819569397/

I don't drink alcohol for enjoyment, I drink it as a tool of survival

I don't drink coffee for enjoyment, I drink it as a tool of survival

Jay and Silent Bob vs Predator

I am very glad that this post was accompanied by a photo

they should invent a falling asleep on the couch that happens in bed

Close up of a gray tabby cat's face, he looks like he is contemplating the sorrows of this world.

Look at this face