avrilsboy

my favorite thing about reddit is deleting and remaking my account once i have a profile history consisting of ten comments and two posts. because i hate that website.

ik i should care less about the number of selfies i sometimes post of myself in a day on my own personal blog but i do care. i shouldn't though. bc have u seen me.

posted 2 many pictures of myself on my tumblr yesterday but i need to put this cunty asshole teen boy look somewhere so here

basically i've been privately referring to myself as a dyke wrt my gender for the past month or so and it's felt comfortable and right. which i mean. yeah i'll still be referred to/refer to myself as a woman in an overall social sense. but at least internally i know i'm a dyke. <3

and it's like. i don't use nb for myself, but i've come to terms with the fact that calling myself a woman just sits so off-kilter in me. i do still call myself that in general social situations but being referred to as a woman feels like it's being directed to someone else in the room. idk.

still mad that my ex got genuinely pissed off at me for considering that i could be nonbinary because i was being "overinfluenced" by my best friend who he loathed and fully believed was stealing me away from him. what a fucking jackass lmfao.

will say. my ex did kind of clock me as a lesbian before i could come to terms with it myself. but i think this was for the wrong reasons as i think i wouldn't like having sex w him anymore even if i was straight. on account of him constantly objectifying and fetishizing me.

it's actually night and day the way i feel looking at men vs butch lesbians. like actually fucking crazy that i didn't know for so long that attraction actually felt like something.

not marked as spam anymore..... i am free

:) :D

i know eventually things will feel normal and easy again but right now i feel like i'm trudging thru mud in the deep end.

anyways i have been struggling so fucking bad this month. this tiny report i was given to edit yesterday is weighing on my mind body and soul. i know it'll only take an hour. and yet i struggled with just picking a pair of earrings to wear before choosing the ones i always do lately. :(

i'm so annoyed that my account was marked as spam. can i please just complain about my personal life in peace.

my 3 month old puppy might be stupid sometimes but i'm so fucking glad he's not one of those dogs that eats their own shit

i rly need to make an appointment to be screened for ocd or whatever because i have spent this entire month oscillating between "i am going to be carted off to jail any second" and "nothing i do matters because i'm going to end up in jail and ruin my life anyway" and i am. tired. :(

i am unfortunately a sweaty person and the feeling of long wet hair under my arms constantly sux :( and idk if i need to like. condition my leg hair or smth but it feels like tickly static when my legs brush against anything lmfao

realizing i have to take the middle route with shaving because i feel weird shaving down to the skin but i also don't like the feeling of it being too long....... have to trim this shit ig

love creating a new account anywhere and going hm.... which avril photo in my downloads folder will be the face of my presence here.....

incredibly disarming seeing how similar this app looks to twt