Eugene 🎪 🔒

I will love and care for my friends until I meet my end, that will ring true forever. I will never abandon my friends, I will never hurt them. Love the people in your life, don't take them for granted. If they take you for granted, they never deserved a spot with the ones who don't.

my life before. I have never felt naive or foolish for believing in my fictional life, to experience the hurt that burden comes with. I never could properly express my gratitude for it all, and I suppose now is the best time to.

I love my friends, those who gave me kindness when I needed it. I only wish to return that same hand back to you, when I thought I was hopeless and helpless. People cared for me, allowed me to grieve in my own ways, never judged me for my inability to move past-

And while it may seem dramatic considering everything, or to any passerby, I don't care. I know those who truly need it will read, who I care about, who I love. You are not alone in your grief, anger, betrayal. I hope that is deeply apparent. There is always a home with us.

This life has taught me to love once more, even in the face of heavy loss. How I thought I could never hold another hand without pain, longing. I had always assumed I could never hold a friend to the same weight as my previous- but I did. I learned to love again.

However, I have brilliant new people around me, and while some may turn out to be as cruel as some I left. I find healing is done hand in hand with those I have learned to deeply love. Time takes it's toll on me, I cry at the thought of my previous life- even if fake.

I wish nothing more for all of you to heal, to move past, to thrive. I was shown a kind hand when I came into this world. I lost everyone at the time, and in a way I will never have those same people. ---

I can't, as much as I wish I could. I know Yornch will always have your hands when you need it, I know he cares so deeply for all of you. I witness the hurt he has, as much as he tries to pass off his pain, I see it. He wants to help, more then he reasonably could.

I only still hurt for the people around me- my sun, my ocean, my star, my friends. Those who hurt, I love you. I care so deeply for all of you, I wish I could take your pain away. I have dealt with hurt, I have dealt with loss, and I wish nothing more to bear that pain for you.

I may never see my previous life end happily, end satisfyingly, lovingly. You have taken that from me and Yornch. I blame no one else besides you.

I am beyond frustrated still, I know we're trying to move past, trying to cope. However, there are only so many times I can see Yornch cry and attempt his best to fix what's left and uplift the people you left behind.

Watching Yornch deal with all the stress of everything and trying so hard to keep it together for others sakes is awful to witness. I'm coping the best I can with my poetry, I'm trying to stick to what makes me feel at least some relief. But I barely get that satisfaction when I post.

I don't even have anything else poetic to say, fuck you

I watch the cracks along his skin get worse day by day. Consumed in solar flares, trying to fix what you left. Unwilling to let things be left to ruin- unwilling to allow the same cracks that consume him ruin the foundation of the ground carrying others. That's the difference between the two of you.

I am observant, I bear witness to those you do not give another passing glance. For I cannot as easily pass off those i care about, unlike you. Truly, I am ashamed to have trusted you. I am ashamed to have let people I love be hurt by you; watching their hurt makes me angrier than you know.

..And while you carry on, blissfully unaware or keenly attentive. I hope you feel a deep guilt, ruminating at your core. To watch my sun burn with anger, guilt, helplessness- is such a punishment for someone you claimed close, no?

How dare you sour the thought of my close friend? Now , when I look upon him, I feel bitter. His goggles, those claws, his banged up tail- that is my friend. No matter who puppeteered him, he was real to me. Leave the memory I have of him alone, please. He was my friend.

..and as the blood pours from my stomach, I ponder my thoughts. Even as you are pushed away, I doubt you'd care at all. In your eyes, maybe we aren't worth the sorrow. I return my attention to my hands, dark blood pools. There is no time to worry about you. The damage is done. I must self-remedy.

I have been hurt many times in my life, and I never do see it coming. My father, my teachers, friends. How do people learn to be so cruel, in a pursuit of their own view of fulfillment? How dare our suffering be a necessity for your happiness?

If we had meant nothing to you, I would feign a lot more respect if that truth was spat into my face. Hurt me, I am no fool. Hurt my friends, you are cruel. Hurt my lovers, you remain unchanged. How foolish I was to allow myself to feel comforted by you, never again. I will not remain foolish.

I had thought you clever, that you had true remorse. But a wall is nothing more then a wall. It will stay still, unmoving. Not a care for those behind or in front of it. I should've expected no less- and yet, I still lay surprised at the clear inability to learn from past mistakes.

Drip-fed poison, in each of our glasses. An equal amount, just a drop. We do not notice, it's tasteless. However, you place more into one cup. Just enough. Once one begins to vomit, we come to feel it too. Do you find satisfaction in this pursuit?

Happy birthday!

Peer into the mirror, take a hard look at the nothing that stares back. Absence of self, a cruel reality I must share. Shatter the mirror, but now a dozen shards remain empty. Isn't it cruel, isn't it painful, but isn't it invigorating?

I sincerely apologize for last nights crashout

I truly do not understand your continuous obsession with me, I know you like to see me suffer, but really, this is even a low even for you. fuck off and leave me alone. you have no power over me here

that sneering condescending voice of yours grates my ears every time you inject your thoughts into mine. your stupid shit eating grin is a clear picture in my mind every time those thoughts connect. revel in your biggest failure, won't you?

You never existed you only exist in the pseudo memories I have of you. you exist in foundry tokens. so WHY are you here? Why are you so fucking stubborn? You lost, just leave me alone. there is nothing left for you. who I am I even talking to you don't fucking exist. but I hear you. rot.

get out of my head i dont care about you i never did you absolute foul disgusting man you are an absolute waste of substance. why does your voice linger, why are you here? you're not supposed to be here. you aren't REAL

I hate moza I hate him I hate him get out of my thoughts I HATE you.