Not me being a d-list celebrity for couch surfing 😭

Edit: "Bend me over" - Come on Johnny! From Finland! He actually isn't Russian guys sorry. I don't distinguish Europeans well and I'm not apologizing

I also use she/they

Hi everyone! My name is Mila, my pronouns are champia / dora. That means golddigger in Spanish and this is how I identify

And that is man 4 rent... for any service. Like, my head wasn't in the gutter guys

But thats not the only pressing matter in my life

Let me tell you a story about a roommate of mine

And every time I add something to the site it breaks

Cause its wordpress

And I am... feeling pressed

So he gave me a $100 deposit, with the rest of the funds coming after I finish the job

And i'm like I wanted you to bend me over but not in this way jeez

Its been four days straight of working on the project

And he's like can you help me build a website? I saw you coding over there

And I have like my developer tools wide open on my laptop

So I'm like yea.... sure

Then he goes... "I can pay you upfront!"

I found out he runs a handyman business. Its called Man4Rent and it is a 4.

This guy's russian his english isn't perfect.

And im like ooo this is one of my fantasies. The handyman comes over, fixes my washing machine. Like tell me more

And I was like "Oh really! I do the open mic every sunday"

And he's like "Yea, ive seen you sleeping on that couch! I thought it was very open minded of you"

And I was like "not you clocking me being broke"...

And then wait it gets less embarassing

And this older, 40 something year old Russian dude is like coming out the bathroom

And he wasn't unattractive

He was very stoic and serious. I could tell he was a self-made man

And he stops dead in his tracks and is like

Hey--I've seen you here before

Singing Pink & White by Frank Ocean at the top of my lungs

"Thats the way every day goes, everytime we got no control"

You know, my equivalent of vocally ovulating

Ive been trying to find the sugar daddy of my dreams

I thought it finally happened the other day

I was sitting by the bathroom here at this cafe

Website developing, very sexy work

I work at a nonprofit during the day that provides housing for a lot of unhoused people

And housing sometimes works

Sometimes it doesnt

Rent is expensive guys

I have to find other sources of income

Donate to Help Mila and Kenya Secure Safe Housing, organized by Mila Henson Hi, my name is Mila, and this is my friend Kenya. We are two musicians with an … Mila Henson needs your support for Help Mila and Kenya Secure Safe Housing

Hey BlueSkyy community! Me and my bestie who are two queer women musicians in Bushwick are facing housing insecurity. Any donation or sharing of our GoFundMe helps!
gofund.me/961399bb

I’m a firm believer that we mostly fall in love in one of two ways:

1) Find someone who checks the most boxes on your “I want” list

2) Find someone who makes you want to throw the list away

I love that!

Now I just wish my tiddies would grow so I can use them as stress balls.

Sometimes colonization is good.
The Germans did give us hamburgers.
And I can't live without hamburgers.
Their how this ass got so fat.

*As I do my little Ice Spice Emote*

I'm getting the remaining roommate on my side. He's also trans.
We're starting a mutiny.
Unfortunately, their white. Its not the best look, were both kind of colonizers to this black man.
But hey, its ok.

But guess what, I don't want to share the island.
I WANT IT ALL, BITCH.
As a matter of fact, this is a dictatorship.
Its my apartment now.

Geography is hard--its ok. I just learned where Israel and Palestine were on a map last week.

And funnily enough, the kitchen island is right between us! Thats like the divider. Like the actual island DR and Haiti are on, Hispaniola. We're kind of on opposite ends. I'm really pushing this metaphor for people who don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

And I kind of get the landlord on my side. You know he's Jewish, he's had to start a war before with an oppressed minority before. He gets it.

Like any punk, I hate authorities, and cops, and landlords. But I tell our landlord the situation, tell him how shitty and manipulative of a roommate he is, and how he's hogging all the resources.

So now im like, okay motherfucker, I gotta colonize some shit. I'm colonizing our apartment.
This is the Haitian-Dominican war of 1844.
I don't want to start a dictatorship, but if I have to, i'm Trujillo.

So I tell him, my name is Mila in text.
And he still refused to acknowledge it.

Me personally, I don't believe most things I read. I get my news verbally from my friends, or people I trust, or the Alex Jones podcast. There are more trusted sources. So maybe he hasn't gotten the news that I changed my name? Maybe he can't hear properly.

Dude... at this point idk if this guy is like deaf, or disabled where the only sense he has access to is sight. And I don't want to be rude to him you know. Like I want to be fair to his learning needs. I don't know how he gets his news. Its very hard to get accurate news nowadays.