Thinking about how Ive never had a woman pull my hair while I eat them out…

I even have it braided for you…

I have an interview tomorrow for a promotion.

Could I please eat someone out for good luck?

I dont know if she is just real pent up something but a customer just told me that she really liked hearing me speak, and could listen to me “ramble about business filings all day”

I’m so done with today

I need someone to sit on my face until I evolve gills to breathe

Mom: did you want chicken thighs or breasts?

Me: breasts please

Mom: you always were a boob man

Mom WTF….

Is it weird that I enjoy cooking for someone else? I have been exploring and making all sorts of things but often it just ends up with me not being able to get any opinions or anything since it’s usually just for myself.

Really wish I had someone to cook dinner for…

What if I started an onlyfans but all it had would be pictures of me getting sweaty and building Gunpla in my garage

Felt a bit ambitious and made Japanese curry from scratch

Being known as a monsterfucker is hard. I sent my friend a homebrew race for D&D, and his first question is

“Are you sending me this because you want to fuck it or play it?”

Can I get a little praise? Or even just a headpat?

I’ve improved my time so much I am almost at my goal of doing my 5k run in 30 min

I don’t think I’m simple minded, but then I remember the times one of my exes would literally stunlock me by flashing a titty at me mid convo

Need to find me a plus 1 for my best friend’s wedding

There are times when I think the company I work for doesn’t just have me as a cog in their machine…

Then I remember how they forgot my birthday, gave me an award with a bonus but then never actually gave me that bonus…

Alright I know I am clueless when it comes to women hitting on me and all. But today one of my coworkers came to my desk to talk and walk through an order.

She put her big fucking titties on my damn shoulder while leaning on me as I walked her through it.

Ive turned my daughter into a Buc-ee’s junkie and I will not apologize

We should definitely try that out

What a lovely new candle

And the perfect picture too :)

My cousin said I can’t wear my “Dad shoes” when I go out with her and her friends. I swear they aren’t new balances

Now I just some lovely person who I can give this to

I’m not at my weigh loss goal just yet, but for some reason I feel so sexy this morning working out

Wife material

My parents dog is in an ad for their local pet hotel and I don’t know that I’ve seen my dad this proud before lol.

Whooo next week I have to have a meeting and talk with the CEO for a bit!

Now if I can just have someone to come home to and cuddle all the stress of that away with.

Can I just lay my head on your lap while you read?

Will Dungeon Master improve my dating profile?

I was fondly remembering that time a girl asked how I want her, and without skipping a beat I replied

“Sit on my face”

Her confusion was pretty cute. This was also the same girl that said she wanted to own my tongue keep it for herself