Ivan Moonacre

Sorry for being a bummer on here sometimes. It feels like a safe little space on the internet that no one really reads so I can freely scream into the void. On that note: I think I may need to get back on antidepressants even though I don’t want to.

So far Resident Evil 2 is my favourite and 5 is my least favourite. Tomorrow we watch 6! Obviously I love Leon.

Silent protector meme. The child is labeled weird kinks and the soldier is labeled weirder kinks.

it's simple really

Today marks 4 weeks out from surgery. I long to side sleep but I’m going to wait until 6 weeks before I start. As you can see I am updating my Bluesky more because I am bored.

Watching cinematic play throughs of all the Resident Evil games. Just finished the first one and now onto the second. It is absolutely too full of gore for me but I am powering through by closing my eyes at the bad parts 😌

I fear my survival mechanism of making myself invisible has levelled up to erasing myself from history.

Why bother living if you’re just going to die eventually anyway is not the move, I know. The finiteness of life is what makes it worth living. Trying to convince myself of that is another thing. Jigsaw, come put life into perspective for me or something this is ridiculous.

Is it depression when you don’t think saving photos matters anymore because you’re just going to die anyway and it will all be forgotten to time?

The way that Corvid cries at the closed door when Morgan is giving Hemlock one-on-one playtime is HEARTBREAKING let me tell you. An actual baby crying.

Healing is coming along nicely. I feel so normal when I’m laying in bed that I forget I have limitations right now. I look forward to when I can move freely again.

To anyone that needs clarification, "your best" is what you can accomplish without damage to your physical, mental and emotional health, not what you can accomplish by destroying them

Oh no I’m just discovering this about your baby and am so sad! I loved seeing your posts about her and felt like I knew her. I’m so sorry. Grief never goes away, we just learn to carry it with us. The amount of sad you are now is evidence of the amount of love you had for her.

If you abandon yourself emotionally with the hope that karma will reward you for your sacrifice, I’ve got news for you.

Also I got a look at my chest and it looks sooo good 😊

Drains out! I felt every inch of one side come out and it was the weirdest feeling. The other side I felt nothing.

Post op appointment today! Sure hope these drains are coming out.

Unrelated to anything, I have one angry nipple that keeps paining me something fierce. 😭

Anything I loved when I was young was viewed as worthless by my parents until I succeeded at it publicly. As you can imagine this left me unable to feel of any sense of worth unless I’m publicly acknowledged.

The only thing I can manage right now is the sims.

I’m avoiding social media save for Bluesky. I read that post surgery can be an emotionally vulnerable time, and so far that’s true. Needn’t be absorbing eye poison during this time of healing.

Last night was rough. Pain levels were higher and I’m being driven mildly insane by the lack of sleep. Still chugging along though.

The rps I have waiting for me on the other side of this recovery are god-tier.

All I have the capacity for rn is mindlessly watching cozy streams.

Also thank you!!

I wish! I had hoped I was small enough for keyhole but I wasn’t. But I was small enough for this one. I think he called it the modified double cut? Basically cut, removed teet, then tug skin down and stitch with nip in tact. But I can’t find that anywhere online and want to watch videos so bad!

I feel so blessed to have so many people that were checking in on me and sending love. T__T Truly I have an amazing support system.

The pain is super manageable without meds and practically not there with. Also the Sackvillle Hospital was the most zen place. Their waiting room was a terrarium with a little lake and water fall. Every single nurse was the kindest person and explained every step. It was a pleasant time.

I’m so curious to see the results but I don’t want to look until I’ve healed more incase it looks like a crime scene rn.

Biggest issue currently is sleeping on my back because I’m a strict side sleeper. As you can see it’s 2:00am and I’m not asleep. Tyl 3 helps that a bit at least.

Surgery completed! I was so nervous the night before! I got a type of surgery that I can’t for the life of me find anywhere on the internet, but basically my nips didn’t need to be removed or grafted and I’ll maintain a lot of sensation. Might be a specialty of this surgeon? Now I just heal!

Three more days til surgery AHHHHH