Monkey One

I think about this Tony Benn speech much more than I used to

Six open polls and the people at four of them were literally on their phones I presume researching the candidates. Kurt Vonnegut would have hated this.

As a guy who also got really into wood fires when I turned 40, I can’t make fun of this. Lemme see that maul.

This is an important question to answer for anyone who has never heard anything about the US.

We're smokin' that Argentinian himejoshi catgirl shit out of a puma bone pipe at an altitude of 12,600 feet, concurrent with the third Dynasty of Ur, you stupid shit.

Actually, all modern conflicts trace back to when Ort wanted Crump’s mammoth hide and hit him with a bone.

I’m very glad to hear it. I remember you posting about the financial issues. (Sorry I am also poor)

There he is! I was literally getting worried.

The Chagos Islands.

You say that and then next week is when they release the zombie plague.

Pricey, but it’s something I’d buy if I had that to blow.

How much did they want?

Oh you thought you could carve out a little playground for the ultrawealthy in the middle of one of the most geopolitically volatile places on Earth? You thought you’d be safe because you’re rich?

Nope. Ballistic missiles, bitches.

NYT Editorial

Yes, It’s A Trash Can, But It Is Also Full Of Delicious Scraps

- My Dog

A view in a lab room behind Leon Kennedy in Resident Evil 9. He is holding a long-barreled gun, but there is this fuck-ass long piece coming off the stock and making it look like the weapon is ten feet long.

A different view of the same glitch.

Leon, I think you did something wrong with this upgrade.

My favorite thing that is true that sounds like a rumor you hear in high school is that there is one chemical facility in America that is allowed to import and process coca, and it mainly produces an extract for flavoring Coca-Cola and then sells the excess cocaine to the pharmaceutical industry.

“The president gets a lot of “attaboys” that naturally include back pats due to his staggering record of successes for the American people. Naturally, so many back pats can leave marks on the mottled, spongy flesh of our invincible hero.”

he's shaking too many han -- uhhhh ... too many people are ... shaking him by the neck

Let’s go to war with personnel close to the enemy that we have no plans to protect from retaliation! Hoo-ah! America! Troops!

Kind of crazy that there was a mass shooting in Austin two days ago that I am only hearing about today.

No, no, no, you’re not going to move these goalposts. The claim was that leftists support politicians giving orders to protest, and then the claim was that Kat specifically said she would give orders to protests. A discussion is NOT an order. Either apologize for lying or get the fuck out.

No she didn’t. She said Dems should be discussing things including general strikes. That is not at all the same thing as saying politicians should be ordering their constituents to do anything.

That’s right, big guy. You got this.

Zhukov telling Beria and Khrushchev, “I mean, I’m smiling, but I am very fucking furious,” in The Death Of Stalin. Zhukov: A commanding presence with slicked back black hair and a military uniform covered in a ridiculous amount of medals.🏅 Beria: A weasely shorter fat guy who is bald except for a white crown of hair wearing a standard suit. Khrushchev: Also balding and wearing a suit, but facing away from the camera.

Me when I am making jokes about the second unnecessary war in the Middle East that a Republican president has walked us into for no reason:

This obviously very stupid but is it also smart? We’ll talk to some liars after this break.

“The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.”

James Baldwin

Jerusalem silver, which is actually a tin alloy and is only found in Idaho.

The Jerusalem cricket is neither a cricket nor found in Jerusalem.

The Jerusalem artichoke is neither an artichoke nor found in Jerusalem.

Using this logic, there should be a mineral called Jerusalem something that is neither the substance nor found in Jerusalem.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to bomb this elementary school full of kids because he thinks it makes him look cool. also his scheming viziers will be betting money on it for fun. good luck soldier