I knew someone who actually died on a hill. I refused to attend the funeral because I don’t reward clichés.
28.02.2026 15:25 — 👍 131 🔁 35 💬 5 📌 0I knew someone who actually died on a hill. I refused to attend the funeral because I don’t reward clichés.
28.02.2026 15:25 — 👍 131 🔁 35 💬 5 📌 0Online gambling oh you mean ordering from eBay.
01.03.2026 19:36 — 👍 50 🔁 11 💬 0 📌 0Horrifying if literal: a coat of arms
01.03.2026 01:45 — 👍 178 🔁 60 💬 6 📌 4I don't mind getting the silent treatment as long as it's constructive
28.02.2026 20:50 — 👍 48 🔁 19 💬 2 📌 0they renamed it the Department of War so it would be that much easier to just add “Crimes” at the end of it
28.02.2026 23:40 — 👍 321 🔁 72 💬 3 📌 0Sorry I missed your text, I deleted it before reading
28.02.2026 23:56 — 👍 10 🔁 6 💬 0 📌 0Sorry I wrote YOLO! on your death certificate.
28.02.2026 22:05 — 👍 217 🔁 77 💬 7 📌 1I don’t trust people who don’t like pie.
28.02.2026 23:04 — 👍 71 🔁 19 💬 12 📌 2sorry i missed your text, are you still bombing iran from the blanket fort
28.02.2026 23:54 — 👍 115 🔁 23 💬 4 📌 0don’t worry, once they determine his strikes are illegal, they’ll just refund them
28.02.2026 23:44 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0If somebody would hide the NUKE EVERYTHING button from the president of the US, that would be great
28.02.2026 14:43 — 👍 106 🔁 13 💬 2 📌 1she died doing what she loved: watching the world burn
28.02.2026 21:59 — 👍 11 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0hear me out, a White House that puts as much time into creating battle plans as it does creating memes
28.02.2026 22:16 — 👍 13 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0Is there a Nobel Peace Prize for the most wars?
28.02.2026 15:45 — 👍 241 🔁 45 💬 3 📌 2where is everybody who was kung fu fighting i think we need them rn
28.02.2026 18:09 — 👍 196 🔁 60 💬 4 📌 1help, i’m alive
28.02.2026 17:49 — 👍 55 🔁 12 💬 4 📌 1the fifa peace prize used to mean something
28.02.2026 18:19 — 👍 443 🔁 132 💬 5 📌 2Let’s try it here
28.02.2026 21:58 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0congress sounds cool i wish it was real
28.02.2026 19:41 — 👍 8274 🔁 1324 💬 63 📌 23
aliens: take me to your leader
americans: that’s him right there!
aliens: ha, ha, good one stop wasting our time do we look like idiots
i'm selling you guys out to the aliens HARD
28.02.2026 21:37 — 👍 53 🔁 18 💬 0 📌 1but here’s a time crawl that leaves out all the good parts
28.02.2026 00:46 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
therapist: can you start from the beginning
george lucas: no
What wine pairs best with power? I want to be drunk with multiple things at once.
27.02.2026 21:11 — 👍 134 🔁 52 💬 7 📌 0how come it’s always save the day and never save the night
28.02.2026 00:38 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Reverse cowgirl, so I can be the lookout
27.02.2026 15:21 — 👍 114 🔁 18 💬 10 📌 0My bff’s mom did this with cinnamon sugar. NOTHING BETTER.
28.02.2026 00:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I’m remembering my mom making us sugar doughnuts on the stove out of canned biscuits
28.02.2026 00:33 — 👍 26 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0There’s nothing I hate more than losing to my greatest rival: me from yesterday.
27.02.2026 20:41 — 👍 31 🔁 13 💬 2 📌 0Sorry I missed your phone call, I was waiting for it to stop ringing so I could text you back to ask what you want.
27.02.2026 13:12 — 👍 274 🔁 90 💬 3 📌 3