Jack

I watched it last week. Well, I say “watched.” It was so badly lit I’d no idea what was happening half the time.

Home Alone theory: Kevin was left at home on purpose and the Wet Bandits were hitman hired by his parents. Kevin’s mum desperately trying to get back home was a charade to provide her with an alibi.

“Wake up the gimp.”

What an enormous helmet.

This Christmas Eve, Gregg Wallace will be visited by the ghost of Jim Davidson’s career.

Looking forward to the Netflix film about the Gregg Wallace debacle. Hopefully, they’ll cast Emma Thomson in the title role just to annoy him.

I guarantee that when Gregg Wallace asks for a coke and the barman says “Is Pepsi ok?” Wallace says “No.”

“Over the years, I’ve welcomed hundreds of guests to the Bates Motel. Now, in the newspaper, I can see complaints coming from a handful of middle-class women of a certain age that I’ve murdered. This isn't right."

“Royston Vasey’s Papa Lazarou steps aside after allegations.”

The 🧵 Library:

I cannot wait to see The Kemps’ new mocumentary. The last one was an absolute treat.

I listened to one where they discussing something I have a little bit of knowledge about and concluded they had no idea what they were talking about.

Watching The Royle Family: The Queen of Sheba. It’s absolutely hilarious but so, so sad. Just brilliant.

Still smiling about last night’s Dr Who.

I say this with absolute sincerity: this is the content I’m here for.

It’s was great, wasn’t it? Genuinely surprising.

Well, Wonka is bloomin’ lovely.

“Hello, police? I’d like to report a murder please.”

Does anyone watch Hullraisers on Channel 4? It’s absolutely brill.

I enjoyed Dr Who tonight. But it also felt a little mid-season-fillery.

It’s so odd how Bernard and the Genie is NEVER repeated.

Mum’s care-home’s Xmas decorations include a floating decapitated Father Christmas head.

Ah! In lieu of the live show, I’d certainly recommend the audio books, read by none other than Merenghi himself!

Did you catch his live shows? They were terrific.

I quite like it here. It’s still got the “new car smell.”