Rando Brando

When life’s greatest treasures are just out of reach

Way to go, Andy!

Lost Boys Chinese food box for sure

Ok so now we’re making reboots of reboots? Were the 80’s really that cool? I think when anything gets to a three-boot, it’s time to just let go

I think they have attempted to remake every Arnold movie except Kindergarten Cop

If it goes without saying then why are you saying it? 🤔

Shirt tag saying 95% polyester and 5% spandex along with picture of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite posing for pic

“Cause every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man”

Me:

a man in a black shirt is standing in front of a burning building . Alt: a man in a black shirt is standing in front of a burning building .

“Active weather pattern this week with winds, dust, fire and a little snow.”

Ok Weather Service, if this is the end then maybe just say that

Picture of Allsup’s “World Famous” beef and bean burrito

Why have a regular burrito for lunch when you can have a World Famous Burrito?

I was informed by the famished faction of felines that dinner should be served promptly at 6:00pm, not 6:03pm

Garth from Wayne’s World with subtle look of happiness and contentment

When your puppy finally learns to scratch the door to go pee outside

Dear Little Debbie,

You announced a new snack product release 3 days ago, and I was not immediately informed. As you aware, I specifically requested to be alerted to all snack-related news. Thank you in advance for your future cooperation.

“Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?”

*me airing my grievances into the void*

Happy birthday 🎉

Definitely wish I could have kept it

Post yourself as a drink 🍹

I see that you’re attempting a search for Matthew McConaughey’s tuna salad recipe. Is everything ok?

A fictional band you'd like to see live

a man is drinking from an eagle 's nest . ALT: a man is drinking from an eagle 's nest .

Might make my game day deviled eggs with eagle eggs to help Philly win. Go Eagles!

What accomplishment am I most proud of? Well in high school I put together a masterpiece of a mixtape that was played during pregame warm ups for all of our basketball games. You wouldn’t believe the bangers…

Hiring Manager: Sir, this is a job interview

a man in a suit says it 's gonna be cold Alt: Bill Murray’s character from Groundhog Day says it 's gonna be cold, it’s gonna be gray, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life

Good morning

Who could it be? Believe it or not it’s just me

As long as I don’t have to pay bills or do laundry I’m good with that

I actually never played this game before, but now fully understand the appeal. “Please don’t make me do adulting today I just want to be a dolphin for a while”

Tattooed my name and address on the back of my hand in case this goes awry

Patiently waiting for the next chance to have snow much fun ❄️

Had a breakdown on this date 3 years ago & only just realised it’s the most depressing day of the year.
Even my crack up was a cliché.
Seriously though, if you’re feeling low & it’s deepening, please talk to your doctor or a mental health specialist for help.
I should have.