White House Blog [parody]

Everyone wanted proof of life - well, as you can see, Abrego Garcia (a bad hombre, really really bad) is doing great.

LOL

I have just ordered military strikes against the Internet Archive.

These are some really bad hombres who are exposing our country's TOP secrets to our enemies. They COPY our government websites and store that information for ANYONE to freely download. THIS IS A CRIME!

NO MORE!

PEOPLE KEEP MESSING WITH A GREAT AMERICAN COMPANY AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT.

AS OF TODAY, I HAVE LIMITED IMAGE POSTING ON THE INTERNET. SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE BUT NEEDED BECAUSE SOME OF YOU WONT LISTEN.

KEEP IT UP AND I WILL SHUT IT ALL DOWN.

Four of my favorite things! 😍

It has come to my attention that there are violent left-wing egg throwing contests happening across the country.

This will NOT stand!

When we catch those of you destroying the precious eggs by pretending to accidentally drop them on the ground, YOU will be prosecuted to the MAX OF THE LAW!

We have big plans for the new American Canal. I had a couple of artists work up how it's going to look. It's going to be great!

Between this and the Gaza Riviera, America will now own the premier vacation spots in the world.

This is what winning looks like.

I am announcing the new and improved AMERICAN CANAL.

It should have been named this from the start, since everything going thru there is going to AMERICA!

It is always warm there, like year round Summer! We're going to have tourists floating the Canal. It will be more romantic than Venice!

Chuck knows how to win...

Just waiting for them to bring the CR to my desk to sign it into LAW!

SO MUCH WINNING!! It almost hurts.

Chuck Schumer and I haven't always voted together on many things, but tonight, that changed.

Chuck and I have a long history together and we've shared some fun times, but business is business Chuck.

I'm glad you finally saw things my way.

Bobby took a vicious shot from Pete Hegseth in Dodge Ball.

It was all good and they both laughed and then Hegseth took another shot.

Robby is really enjoying the virus party at the White House!

Ol' Plastered Pete is on the case finally 🙄

It's such a shame to see though.

Can't believe the Democrats would fall so low, so so low...

This is an ACT OF WAR!!!

Celebrating Women's Day at the golf club today. They have the best burgers there!

I wish all the women out there a very happy day, especially the hot ones.

There will be plenty of eggs for everybody. There will be so many eggs. Many people like to color eggs. I like to just keep em all white.

That is not what happened FAKE NEWS!!

I have sent RFK back to help find the remaining participants that got lost at my rally in Coachella back in October.

I wanted to make sure that we don't leave anyone behind.

Such a touching moment shared by my favorite running back: the Juice!

Happy Ash Wednesday everybody!

Some of my fans got to the State of the Union hours early, just to get the best seats.

We have the best people ♥️ Maga!

Elon wants me to go smoke a joint with him on Joe Rogain's show. What do you think, should I do it?

I just completed the longest State of the Union speech in US History. Nobody has even come close. I just kept going and then I dropped the bomb... Called Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas to her face... she sat and clapped ha!

Rep Al Green won't be shown any mercy as an angry and violent protester. Maybe some time in Guantanamo will turn him around?

It's NOT A State of the Union (this is Biden's mess anyways)

I will be "Addressing Congress" - NOT a SOTU OKAY?!

Stupid fake news can't get it right

If Canada thinks they can push the United States of America around and try to extortion us like they did today, they are going to be sorry, very very sorry. The most sorry of any country in the world.

Why not just become our 51st State instead? I promise that I will build a Trump tower there ok?

I don't know why I would ever need one, but they tell me that I have to choose my Designated Survivor before tonight's rally.

So let's go ahead and make this official.