Jez

There's an artistic representation of each moment in an endless museum, a heist of your stolen kiss under the moon has been reported. We don't usually cover sexy ice sculptures but luckily for you replicas of it sure outsexy our insurance memories

Don't talk to me while I'm listening.

You can explain something to a man that he's never heard of before and two days later he will try to teach it to you like you've never heard of it before

Sorry if I over like you. I’m just trying to juice my algorithm

clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob

How the Grinch rocked you like a hurricane

the word "mon·o·syl·lab·ic" has betrayed us

lofi beats to lie under three blankets and feel insane to

Scheduled my birthday dinner for 4pm so there is much more time for crying.

“Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth, and sooner or later that debt is paid”

Now, a message from Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof:

Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor. Due to the extreme cold, Wicked Wild Water Polo has been canceled. God bless.

i just changed my brita filter, who wants to fuck

BREAKING: ambassadors from tubi and fubo have arrived in roku city, sources

People often tell me that I'll be late to my own funeral but I'm pretty sure I won't give a shit

Will practice random acts of weirdness.

Convinced my soul mate is on the "weird vibes" block list with me and I'll never know because I can't see it.

Is it okay to drag your feet and shock someone on the first date?

YouTube video by YouTube Movies Hundreds of Beavers

Hey. You’re welcome.

Danny Devito in a green shirt wearing glasses says some cocks can't be unsucked

Don't come at me with your regret when you were warned repeatedly about the red flags you thought you could turn green. I know you wish you had never met him, but...

You have an ace in the hole? Well, I hope you don't get an infection.

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

[sobbing] what the HELL is a jinglehorse

*mouthful of asbestos

I’m having the time of my life.

I already miss hating the summer heat

Maybe I actually don’t need a relationship.

🫶

Someone’s making a lot of noise beside my house, I hope they’re feeling murdery.

I was sure Mensa would have solved all our problems by now.

My attempt to be rebellious was ruined. I used that thing that had a do not use sign on it, but nothing happened.

Spotify Wrapped for all the plans I canceled on