Lyn/Au7umn 🍁

Why change? Why leaving the plans instead of just staying how it already is? Can't I just stay in my little bubble of comfort with the people that actually appreciate my presence? Haha! I hate my life. I can't even look up to the next visit of my gf because i don't live near her anymore! Kill me.

Why am I like this???
What is wrong with me?
I just want to stop thinking.

My head hurts, I hate this.
I want to disappear.

Can you elaborate...?

Every time I see a friend struggling, why do I just scroll past it and avoid thinking too much about it when I should be helping? I should be the one to take the god damn bullet.

Am I a bad friend for avoiding looking for helping them because it makes me uncomfortable?

Am I selfish for not helping them because the topic makes me tense up?

Am I a bad person for ignoring someone's issues for my own sake?

I want to stop thinking about it, but my stubborn brain doesn't let me

Fair.

@anastasia.isfluffy.fyi
Thread done.

Will I even settle on a concrete answer? I don't even know at this point. All I know is that I've been thinking about this for too long.

I didn't even get into some mind-breaking trauma to get DID anyways. So i should probably just leave it aside until I'm ready to consider it again.

Even though the 4 contrast so much between each other, they still feel like "me", it's hard to explain, really. But this 'conflict' between not 'feeling like 4 different people' but still acting so different with context is what it makes it hard to decide if I'm actually plural or not.

I've been thinking about this for weeks and I still haven't settled on if it's true or not.

Milo being the main one due to being the "me" i want to be, Eli is the *actual* irl me, hence why they represent Winter and Summer respectively, polar opposites.

Lyn being all my negative emotions and Alice being all my *positive* emotions, since Autumn is known for decay and Spring for Growth.

I've been thinking about possibly being plural...
Even though it's not as evident as it should be, i definitely notice the different ways I act on different contexts, and how much they contrast with each other.

The Seasonal System was created as an embodiment of that.

(🧵)

I'll probably try to make the banner more corrupted.

Forget Lily, i found this pfp and i am now using it for this account.

Maybe I do, maybe I don't
I don't know, most of the time i just avoid looking too much into it because it makes me feel tense

I'd say you are.
Better than me making things worse most of the time at least...

I love how most parents don't even care about how what they're doing to their child.
They just go "phone bad" and then continue to neglect it all.

Of course my dad is gonna blame the fucking phone.
As if he wasn't part of it aswell.

This aged like milk left outside for 3 months.
I want to disappear from this world.

🫂

Quiet snowfall, peacefully drifting down.
Burying my burden in it's icy crown.
The cold breeze blows, carrying it all away.
As I prepare for yet another day.

The cold protects me, it's ice sways
As Autumn goes, leaving it's decay.

True, because that's me.

I may like this song because of the vibes, but in terms of being relatable to me, Compared Child takes the cake.
youtu.be/olWvy0PiLfA
Not that my parents compare me to others, if then, they compare my sister to me.

It's mainly just me and myself.

Although lack of sleep is becoming an issue...

So far the second half of the school year is going better than the first.

Mainly because i wasn't stuck in a bad group for the one project we're going to spend 3 months working on this time.

Next one is due to this Friday
My group has been working on it for the last two months and it's going well so far

Or at least better than the other ones

Another stressful course project done.
Fucking cloroform me to ease up before i crash out.

Thinking about if i should do a daily "journal" thing here...

I don't know if i will actually commit to it, considering how i am, but you never know.

It is not.