My superpower is noticing a typo ten minutes too late.

Friday episode of "Why the fuck am I awake?!?"

a gofundme but for reposts

Ew, no.

*motions to everything*

🤣

Lesbian witches be like

"Meta? I dont even know her"

Uh huh

But is it Friday in your heart?

*Gags*

Last time i was raptured they were all like no way, bro

idontwanttoliveintrumplandiaanymore

Thinking about getting my own popemobile.

Still waiting on a motherfucker to tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

Time to update the old "couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag" insult because now the bag is also full of shit and on fire.

maybe we need more hot baths and less hot takes

A sign reads "Please wait patiently for the failure of the system" with Chinese characters above.

our patience has been rewarded

After a long day, I just want to slip into a warm pair of garlic bread slippers.

I hope we make it out of this wavelength in one sexy piece

If you're happy and you know it, ew

Santa Clause showed up to my house in a S.W.A.T. truck to use my bathroom & lecture me about being noisy.

Magic markers aren't so fucking magic.

your headlights catch the glow of her feral eyes as she drags the carcass of some unidentifiable animal into a culvert mere hours after her firing

i want drugs that get rid of the need for sleep

Warning: objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

🤣

Inserting

Insert something funny here, IDFK

I don’t mean to be nosy, but what the fuck??

Ground control to how's your mom?

I see my skeets are bombing as usual

i grew horns under the blood moon probably nbd