CDs are 43 years old this year.

Just sayin.

Wanted to get a referral to see a therapist at the docs today but I was a month early for my appointment so that means I dont need to see a therapist, right?

Right??
*Twitch*

Right.
So.
Apparently
"WERE ALL GONNA DIE"
isnt "thinking positive."

Noted.

So then I was like
"I get paid once a month, I shouldnt have to keep track which one it is"
And thats why I was a month early for todays doc appointment.

Gottem'

Keep your friends close & your enemies between your friends. Arrange the table like this: friend, enemy, friend, enemy, Timothy, etc.

On Bluesky… they’re called buttereply guys.

Selling my soul on clearance.

i’m sorry i can’t go to your party, it’s the same day as my pity party

brain brain go away
i don't need your shit today

I’d make a lousy diplomat, never been into arse licking.

Whatever is happening in the world, the answer is always the same: stupidity knows no bounds.

bear cub next to sign that says caution bear in the area

the boys are back in town

Alexa, pack my overnight bag.

I'm crazy enough to see crazy and avoid it.

Opposite of common sense? Uncommon sense.

instead of worrying about people's personal sex business, celebrate those that have the energy to have sex at all

siri can you be a sperm donor if you drink mountain dew

doing my exercises (looking at something 20 feet away every 20 minutes)

I paved the way to be a cool motherfucker on the interwebs

Movies are bombing at box offices bc we can’t risk spending money on a movie that’s probably garbage.

Don’t ragebait on my feed and tell me it’s a shitpost

ALEXA FIND MY PRECIOUS

On the one hand, I am right, on the other hand, yeah I am pretty annoying.

I am, myself, a globular cluster.

I’m a great listener. Mainly because people really open up when they realize silence isn’t an option.

Normalize booing like a ghost

Who the hell decided that mixing something with mayonnaise qualifies as calling it a “salad”?

My laugh lines tell a story. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit

I didn’t poop my pants so I’m calling today a win.

Hey sometimes trying not to think about it counts as dealing with it