GÖATS OF DÖÖM

My hand has a small mystery bruise? Will it grow and grow until I become president?!?

Am...am I on my way to the presidency?

comic panel a kid asking 'uncle sam' how he is the striped child killer replies a little sick buddy a little sick

Once again I am attacked on the internet.

We should try, though. We need to try harder, really.

It’s starting to look like this is the year I have to fight a parking lot attendant

You win. I had to look up "caliginous". 🤘🏼

they say the first 77.7k posts are the hardest

I am having a most shiddeous day.
0/10 do not recommend

Holy shit, I am sleepy af.
Maybe starting new meds on the time change weekend was a mistake.
😴

"SHIT"
"FUCK"
"NO"
"FUCK"
"SHIT"
"FUCK"

Marvel Legends action figures: Warbird and Red She-Hulk.

"Action figures? Really?
Those are for kids."

My most recent action figures...

It's Daylight Savings so I'm already at work on Monday?
Dafuq?

I understand that, when my dog stops on our walks to sniff every goddamn twig and each freakin’ blade of grass, she is decoding, deciphering, and analyzing the complicated world around her, but what I can’t quite figure out is exactly what she plans on doing with that information.

I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

Please respond

Fkn typo

If you went to the Renaissance Festival and didn't take even one pic, dud you even go?

Ladies, are you tired of your placenta falling to the floor? Lightning crashing might not be for you.

Oh, for me they take turns running the show, but look out! Here come my unresolved anger issues!

"When the moral sense of a nation begins to decline, and the wheels of progress to roll backward, there is no telling how low the one will fall or where the other will stop".
Frederick Douglass, 1894

Desperately trying to use my turtleneck to cover up my double chin, "does this shirt make me look like a spatula?"

Can I shitpost my way back into your heart, or will I die trying?

-A memoir

I was my tv’s favorite kid growing up.

“I DO NOT want to go to JAIL! I’ve been criming like CRAZY like no one has ever SEEN before! Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

I don't know why sometimes I get frightened...

My first psych appointment in ages.
She can fix me!

🙃

Thinking about getting my own popemobile.

🤞🏼

Personally I don't like being blocked. I might fail miserably at trying to be funny, but I'm never rude or inappropriate to anybody.
So just mute me if you're tired of my antics.
Why block me? 🫤