GÖATS OF DÖÖM

Everything sucks but at least I just passed a house that still had two 12 ft skeletons out front. 💀

First of all, how dare you

I got an email from Spirit Christmas so please excuse me while I write a sternly worded letter.

Respectfully, seeing women praise Florence Welch up and down on my feed >>>>> seeing women praise Taylor Swift.

It's almost 2026 - why don't we have a pentagram emoji?
Shame.
Shame.

A woman ruined my workplace
By Caravaggio (c. 1602)

A humanoid goat sits in a chair holding a broom, as one does.

No, no, artist James Hutton gave us the Goat of Broom, but I understand the confusion.

Who needs enemies when you have your own thoughts

Emasculate a man by holding a door open for him today and saying “there you go, princess”

This potato definitely looks like a walrus.

Walrus potato does not care for your hurtful comparison.

Let me at least have a sip of arsenic before more unprecedented reveals.

if you can have your soup in a bowl made of bread
why can’t I have my coffee in a cup made of cinnamon coffee crumble cake

Just once, I’d like to admire my naked body in a full length mirror without getting kicked out of Kohl’s.

Do people really own robes? I thought robes were only used in the movies and on TV. 🤨

Sometimes I make the sound effect to go along with the joy leaving my body. *blerrrrp*

GREMLINS 3?
In this economy?

Just got an email from Kamala, so I guess you can say things are getting kind of serious...

Once again my tummy is punishing me for eating nothing but garbage, and a lot of it! Why must I suffer so?!

If you dislike your own post, you die irl.

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writing my suicide note, my suicide post, instagram suicide story, tiktok suicide apology, linkedin suicide resume, nextdoor neighborhood suicide yard sale

What the fuck were you thinking?

My favorite game show!

Article about a carnivorous deathball emerging from the deep.

Welp, it's about time, really.

I don't know if there's a right time for your preschooler to whisper, "are humans made out of meat?" in your ear, but I know that 3 AM is the wrong time.

Pretty soon it’s gonna be all skittles and starburst and if you’re thinking that sounds good then you weren’t there for the days of Milky Way and Reese’s peanut butter cups.

Why tf is it legal for these assholes to mount huge, blinding lights on their vehicles in between their regular headlights? JFC.

Snow monkey in hot springs

Mentally I'm here

I think I've been shadowbanned...at work.
👀

That one sounds awesome!