annoyed that there's yet another thing I've gotta think about dealing with despite the fact that I have the good insurance

it's normal and not dysphoric at all for girls to wish that they could just skip past six months of surgery/recovery and have a pussy because 90% of their apprehension is about complications and revisions and recovery rather than the end results. surely every non-dysphoric trans woman feels that

yeah i'm uninterested in topping and i want to wear a swimsuit/other sheer clothes without tucking and it feels comfortable to wear a gaff and see nothing but smoothness there and the only real downsides unrelated to the surgery process are minor things like peeing upright. but who could say

mmmm. do i have bottom dysphoria

I keep saying I need to find a therapist for the anxiety and then not doing that for ?????? reasons

Life would be much less stressful if I wasn't 80% neurosis by volume

It turns out the cure is just hanging out with those people in a voice chat instead of overthinking every DM you send? Who would have thought

My favorite hobby in the world is overthinking seemingly innocuous comments or dms and deleting them after five minutes, especially if it's someone I don't know super well

Why am I so neuroticccccccccc

human connection is theoretically possible but sometimes you don't feel like a human, you feel like a bundle of neuroses and coping mechanisms that are a half-second away from exploding at all times

one of those days where i feel a million miles away from everyone for no real reason

there's still a tiny part of me that's envious, but it's much smaller and easier to ignore

it turns out that actually getting out of bed, having breakfast and coffee, and hanging out in a voice call with friends is really really good at dealing with this

"ohhh these friends and acquaintances of yours have really fulfilling relationships/kink dynamics, you should dwell on what you're missing out on" grow UPPP I'm literally fine, I don't need to be constantly comparing myself to others

I know I've just gotta hunker down and get through it but it's so ANNOYINGGG, why can't my brain work right

The most maddening feeling in the world is wholly unjustified jealousy

Spring can't come soon enough, warm weather and sunlight might be the thing that'll fix me

I'm really hoping that I feel better after locals, idk what I'll do if getting out of the house and seeing people doesn't fix the problem

Spinning the roulette wheel to determine what random shitty emotions I feel today, featuring hits like "insane unjustified jealousy" and "crippling self-hatred" and "paralyzing fear of the future" and "obsessing over past mistakes and missteps"

Ughhhhhhh my mood has been dogshit for almost a week and I'm so tired

Like it's definitely essentializing and not universally applicable, but I'd blow up my entire life for someone who did that kinda stuff for me without asking, even though I'd also feel worried about whether I was reciprocating

Emotional state: saw this post and teared up

well, i held out for a while, but I've tried everything short of nutting, so it's time to roll the dice

hobbies? friendships? relationships? workout regimens? attempts to improve my diet or skin or fashion? plans to keep my home cleaner or to learn a new skill? I haven't yet found something that I won't get bored of and flake out on

official holder of the "least committal girl in the world" title

idk. idk. "walk into the desert and become a hermit" stocks have never been higher

repeating "i have intrinsic worth and value even if I'm single" like a mantra in the hopes that it eventually sticks

so far I've avoided the temptation of drinking to cope but there's even odds that I break out the soju at some point tonight to see if that improves the situation

like idk, i know that it wasn't going to work out long-term and overall it's better to not feel like I'm stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, but it's still hard to not feel like a fuck up and a failure for not making it work

ugh i thought i was mostly over stuff but man. spending the first valentines day in like three years alone is hitting me harder than i expected