Brandy Blush-Wieland

hormonal birth control is a slut and a whore and I'm about to commit a moderate felony for three mozzarella sticks and a beer.

I really love the Meg Meyers cover of Running Up That Hill but I also like to pretend that's the last time she made any music.

John Cena Slims Down For New Role Portraying Human Man LOS ANGELES—Confirming he had become almost unrecognizable to friends and family, wrestler-turned-actor John Cena opened up Tuesday about slimming down for a new role in which he would portray a human man. “I knew I had to take drastic measures if I wanted to convincingly pass for a human man on screen,” said a now 5-foot-9, […]

John Cena Slims Down For New Role Portraying Human Man
theonion.com/john-ce...

a photo taken through a glass door into a store. there are several stickers on the glass, including a big round one depicting a dachshund’s silhouette behind a big international “No” sign, a red circle with a diagonal cross through it. just inside the store, a little black dachshund is sitting perfectly still on the tile, oriented exactly the same way as the dog on the sticker and directly underneath it. he’s a rebel, and you can’t tell him what to do.

This is Aldo. He is a good boy. But also... a bad boy. 13/10

New Death Row Fast Pass Allows Convicts To Skip Execution Line

New Death Row Fast Pass Allows Convicts To Skip Execution Line
theonion.com/new-dea...

I also mentioned that my last job had a strong peer to peer support culture and watched her just :/ in real time.

"you are a little older than what we're looking for", followed by how they prefer to hire "youngsters who are looking to become self starters". this was for a business operations position.

had a lady straight up tell me that I'm too old for the position during the interview so that's simultaneously insulting and baffling.

Nearly all coffee consumed in the United States is imported, and the largest source of that coffee is Colombia. Trump is putting a 25% tax on our top source of coffee, and that tax will be passed on to American consumers

me setting my crochet down in shame (Molly mentioned Garden City [my backyard] AGAIN)

I will not elaborate.

the best part of Nosferatu was watching Bill Skarsgard ride Nicholas Hoult for a weirdly prolonged scene.

a close up of a white cat 's face with blue eyes looking at the camera . ALT: a close up of a white cat 's face with blue eyes looking at the camera .

m'cold brew

I did not but I did get a replacement by someone who didn't have a BSoD meltdown while delivering it.

I was just listening to this dude grunt and scream while throwing coffee at my door like uhhhhh can I get a replacement pls

I once had a driver throw my coffee at the door, pick the delivery bag back up, and throw it back at my door multiple times until the bag was soaked and my door and porch were covered in coffee. To this day, I have no idea what his deal was.

I hate how much I get better treatment on DoorDash if I have a masculine name. I switched to ordering under Brandon and nobody has thrown iced coffee at my door or stolen my food since.

Screenshot from Tumblr of user cicidraws, featuring the caption, "god I love how pitbulls are like"... accompanied by a simple blockheaded pitbull

A close up headshot of a brown, one eyed pitbull.

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I flung myself into frigid water for charity and 10/10.

it’s poetic! it rhymes! I'M HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Man Getting High And Eating Taco Bell Thousands Of Miles Away From Family Having Best Thanksgiving Of Life

Man Getting High And Eating Taco Bell Thousands Of Miles Away From Family Having Best Thanksgiving Of Life
theonion.com/man-getting-...

Ooh can’t right now, boss. I’m goofing around with my vibrant online community

Linda is currently being sued for complicity in a fairly well-known sex abuse circle

I think adults should get a personal pan pizza for reading books too

BREAKING: i've just received word from an inside source that Donald Trump's next Secretary of the Interior will be King Leopold II of Belgium. staffers in the Department of the Interior have described their mood to me as "cautiously optimistic"

I did retail at a major university known for its football team. I am unbreakable.

Obscure Porn Category Viewed Out Of Morbid Curiosity For 26th Time -The Onion

Obscure Porn Category Viewed Out Of Morbid Curiosity For 26th Time

Has anyone tried unplugging reality and plugging it back in again?