Allen Rein

The two scariest episodes of The Twilight Zone are the one with the monster on the airplane wing and the one where I start agreeing with Marjorie Taylor Greene.

The most dangerous part of Chicago is the Executive Branch of the US Government.

Just played “twat” in a Scrabble game against my mother, so now I’m going to have to fake my own death.

Getting through these troubled times by referring to any and all animals as "colleagues".

Tylenol: "Keep our medicine's name out of your damned mouth!"

Trump: "Ack-ed-o-moph-ac-eeed-what?"

Tylenol: "LOL never mind."

*my funeral

son: I guess we're going to need our own phone plan

My father was an infectious disease physician, an educator, and a lover of science and medicine. I miss him every day, but I’m glad he doesn’t have to watch what this administration is doing. It would absolutely devastate him.

Perhaps in the spirit of renewal that comes with the new year tonight I'm allowing myself a sliver of belief that the current regime is badly overplaying its hand.

Caving truth to power.

I want everyone, even those who I despise, to have healthcare. I want everyone, even republicans, to be able to afford food and housing. I want everyone, even those on the right who actively work to build the opposite, to live in a place that is safe from violence.

You can totally hear him saying it, right? “HereweGO!”

The only time I want to hear a President say, "Here we go!" is when Barack Obama and I are riding Space Mountain together and approaching the first hill.

The journey from "Covid vaccination required" to "Ha, good luck getting one" is heartbreaking.

Me (squinting into the distance): “Oh, fuck. Monday.”

Like I needed another reason to never go to Florida.

I want to be just famous enough so that the camera focuses on me in the stands at the US Open, but the commentators say, “Who the fuck is that?”

Hard to believe the Republican party used to fight for smaller government.

Hey, there. Quick reminder that our country's leadership DOES NOT WANT US TO BE HEALTHY. As you were.

Finally, this country gets a Royal Wedding.

Trump signed an executive order today aimed at prosecuting people who "desecrate" the American flag, but if you look closely under his signature, it says, "p.s. Unless you are beating a police officer with it at the Capitol. That's obvs ok and the kind of free speech we need more of. Covfefe!"

WIFE: The new neighbors were kind enough to invite us to dinner. Please try to be normal.

ME: of course.

[later]

ME (using a fork to put a layer of butter between two potato chips): You know, buildings are really insects — their skeletons are on the outside to protect the teeming life within

Happy birthday, Travis! Don’t forget: age is just a very, very high number!

In an attic somewhere, there's a painting of trump that's getting more and more competent

Ha! ❤️

Trump in today's world-leader lineup, looking the fool.

Make a band food:

The Rolling Scones

Putin and Trump, Trump's tie extending to his feeble knees.

"Word style folk" ❤️.

Sat through an hour of the Stranger Things stage play before realizing it was a GOP Town Hall.