Simon W

Grateful again to Katie (46), Sir M,
The current honorary holder of the oxymoron suffix of Political Editor at the Sun on Sunday, for her ‘eagle eyes’ spotting a fall in HoC standards by Siân.

Up to that point, all standards had been tickety-boo for decades.

“The day thou gavest, Sir M, has ended”

When Bob Runcie allowed a young curate into Evening Song with his guitar (No! I’m not a sunbeam) in 1986, this was always going to be the outcome.

🎵 I’m an insomniac, I’m an insomniac, I’m a complete and utter maniac🎵

Good morning Sir M,
Oh what a beautiful autumnal day for firing up the old charabanc & heading off to Boston to dine with Dame Auntie Ange & friends: Duck a l’ orange with all the trimmings.

QUACK!

I’m not one to challenge the ‘increasing evidence’, Sir M, reported by ‘Shagger of the Mail’
But I must raise an ecumenical analogous point: The ‘flood’ generation may have been the wettest due to said flood but prior to the heavens opening they were: ‘wickedness on earth’ i.e. ‘Bang at it’

He comes across as a parody of Chris Mason 🙃

Chris Mason captured the mood, Sir M:

“It may have looked a success & possibly a triumph of diplomacy with pageantry but behind the smiles & tiaras, Labour are only 0.005% in the polls, so before I wet myself, we must ask: Was the King’s speech enough to save Sir Keir?

Only time will tell”

Windsor, so provincial, Sir M, Gussage on parade:

Ldy B shinnying up lamp posts affixing the Stars & Stripes

Melania riding pillion on your mobility scooter

Donny face down after inspecting the WI’s self defence club

A 14 trap salute after a Curry Banquet at the Red Lion

Over to you Chequers

Forgive me Sir M,
For coming over ‘CoE Lite’ but I believe this tremendous occasion warrants reference to a beatitude:

Mathew 5:9: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God

5:9(a): Unless they talk cack: then verily the deals off.

🙏

If only Macron had made you his fifth PM,
Imagine, Sir M, it would have been a riot of a time after you had pushed through raising the retirement age to 70; I’m sure millions of French people would have come out say: “Merci!”

Make Tommy’s 3 million🤨 look inadequate

“I think she’s got it”
“By George, Sir M,
she's got it!
“Now, once again where does it rain?”

“On the plain!
On the plain!”

“And where's that soggy plain?”

“In Spalding
In Spalding”

“I’ve grown accustomed to her face”

“Now, steady on, Sir M”

And to hear them sing, Sir M:

🎵 I’m an insomniac, I’m an insomniac, I’m a scopophiliac, Anglophiliac and complete and utter maniac🎵

Swiss roll
Post card from Clacton
Rizlas
Fred Dineage’s book on the Krays
Poligrip
Policy Making for Dummies
Tin of red paint
Bell & Spurling’s Greatest Shits CD
Curling tongs

Jill ⤵️↘️➡️⤴️➡️↘️⤵️➡️⤵️⤵️☹️
Was hoping to be scoring with Weymouth FC’s first team this season but after an action- packed afternoon of toing & froing with their manager; it eventually came to nothing.

As I live & breathe, Sir M,
The mutineers of Charlbury strike again

Remember their WI’s short mat bowling team’s captain, Fanny Christian:

“These baps are stale, can’t play for diddly squat! who still wears slacks”

“DJ, for a village of blythe spirit & free of fussy Fannies, come to Gussage” 👍

It’s lovely to see Gayle Tuesday fulfilling her amble talents & intellect with Reform Ltd

a picture of a cartoon pig with the words th-th-th-thats all folks below it ALT: a picture of a cartoon pig with the words th-th-th-thats all folks below it

And for a message from Talk TV’s owner

“Make it so,” Sir M,
“Make it so”.

Hmmm, I’ve seen the press release, Sir M:

‘Nads & Sir M glanced at each other in the crowded chamber, their party loyalties quivering in the humdrum debate. Sir M moved deeper into her Party, now Our Party & your Party, sobbing she grabbed him!

“Let go Nads” he cried; but alas too late!

Filth😡

Yes, Sir M,
One of our more attractive Vice Admirals.

Anyhoo, as requested, I’ve left your Coldplay tickets with Jill, any reason for secrecy?

A surprise for Ldy? 😉

‘Mum’s the word,’ Sir M,”
Lips are sealed, no bean spilling or lifting the hat off things, Charlotte who 😉?

Damn decent of you sorting out my own ‘sticky wicket’ after the MoD Xmas bash: One gets so confused between ‘reply’ ‘forward’ ‘send’ ‘reply all’ & ‘attach top Secret Afghan file’

Mea culpa

“OK, depth breath, firstly, are you OK Sir M?”
I hope so, it feels very strange indeed knowing the boys won’t be humiliating contestants anymore

I know you were close to John Travolta & Ldy B was partial to Greggg’s autistic sausage

Gino & Phil? Hmm, they would certainly ‘bounce off each other’

“OK BOB!
That’s lovely; if you can now slip into your trunks we’ll do the Daniel Craig shot next, although we might have more success with sexy beast”.

Put Ldy B & Jill in the Jag, Sir M,
And get yourselves to London: Due to the bonus bonanza bosses at Thames Water, there’s leaks, spills, splashes & trickles aplenty for all crevices & cavities.

What a treat, Sir M,
Susie Dent said I could do ‘Word of the Day’

‘MANOSPHERE’

21st C, etymology: Arsehole/lager, derivative: feel fear man

Pertaining to men fearful of inadequacy in their world view, often sexual, overcompensate for inadequacy through denigration of women to appear superior

And what’s really in Boris’s favour, Sir M,
He’s a virgin 👍

I’ve had a flashback, Sir M,
To splashing all over ‘Lizzy’s 49 eau de toilette’ - I came over all confused, crashed the car & blamed the pixies.

It’s my fault, it clearly said: ‘Just a trickle will do’

After this weekend, Sir M,
‘The Pilton Pop & Folk Festival’
So much easier when it was a load of stoned & drunk music fanatics camping out in muddy fields with bands playing in the background, followed by the annual chase around the country lanes by the Avon & Somerset Constabulary

Happy days

Κοιτάξτε τον Λι, Σερ Μ.,
Ένας Έλληνας θεός που περιμένει στην παραλία τον Δία να λαδώσει τα κουνάβια του και να λαδώσει τα παξιμάδια των φτερών του.

Popped into the shop, confronted by Sally singing: 🎵If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar le🎵

“WHERE’s JILL?”

“GONE FESTIVAL WITH PIMLICO PLASTIC MAN”

😱oh no, Sir M,
Jill thinks it’s Rod the Reformer, she going to feel a right Charlie later
Singing: la la la la lala la la,

Priti was on 🔥, Sir M,
Rejecting Fanny’s gaslighting dodgy accounts from the Hooray Henrys at the Treasury & Marxists at the MoD

Priti is a leader, out front leading from behind, inspiring the troops:

“I don’t accept that”

I’m booting-up the Corby: It’s going to be cream slacks in celebration