Theo Lahew

a man is being attacked by a monster with a lot of legs ALT: a man is being attacked by a monster with a lot of legs

Now that Disney owns Fox, which means they own the Alien franchise, I can't stop thinking about how the Alien Queen is now a Disney Princess/Queen.

"Rumor has it, ICE agents are J6ers!" Well no shit Sherlock 😭 Did you think they were fucking Girl Scouts? 😭

May 2025 be the year that celebrity culture dies amen 🫠 Some of yall annoying as hell

I wish I was a bird so it could be socially acceptable to shit on every Tesla I see.

I love inviting my friends to be missionaries (local news post watchers) for my ministry (bullying antivaxxer moms)

I was so worried I was talking about it too much at my book club 😂 Soooo many annotations

My fiance's best friend sent me this because "it made her think of me" after only meeting me once in person.

She read me like a book.

Just finished The Buffalo Hunter Hunter by @sgj.bsky.social and I feel like my brain chemistry has been altered. My only regret is I read it too fast. I miss Good Stab already 😭

Original 1925 jacket cover of The Great Gatsby The Great Gatsby Here is a novel, glamorous, ironical, compassionate a marvellous fusion into unity of the curious incongruities of the life of the period which reveals a hero like no other one who could live at no other time and in no other place. But he will live as a character, we surmise, as long as the memory of any reader lasts. "There was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life. .. It was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again?" It is the story of this Jay Gatsby who came so mysteriously to West Egg, of his sumptuous er-tertainments, and of his love for Daisy Buchanan a story that ranges from pure lyrical beauty to sheer brutal realism, and is infused with a sense of the strangeness of human circumstance in a heedless universe. It is a magical, living book, blended of irony, romance, and mysticism. CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS The GREAT GATSBY FITZGERALD

They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

-FS Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, published 4/10/1925.

Always Johnny

"But AI makes art more access--"

Liar. Wrong in 7 languages. The Neanderthals had a smaller cerebellum and nothing but rocks and ochre and they still made art. You just lack passion, creativity, and/or integrity.

Karoline Leavitt looks like she runs an MLM startup in Whoville 😭 One fish two fish stfu bitch 😭

What if I look this aquatic frog in the eyes, shake his ketamine fried cranium, and tell him no matter how much money he has no woman will ever love him?

Perks of Bluesky: No nazis, no drama, no Meta

Disadvantages of Bluesky: Not a drop of humor anywhere. Someone tell a knock knock joke at least oh my GOD

If aliens are real, I hope the ones with tentacles think I'm pretty.

Jeff Bezos looks like he was a cockatiel that was granted three wishes and he used one of them to become human.

Day 327 of asking for more people to be silly on this app (where is the comedy in times of horrors beyond our comprehension)

Idk man, I just think that if you treat poor people like pariahs or fun little talking party accessories, you don't get to partake in conversations about wealth inequality in America.

Queer culture in the South is all about staying strapped both ways at all times 🫡🏳️‍🌈

Kendrick Lamar: Not only is Drake a pedo but America kinda sucks

The most annoying people from your hometown: THATS NOT TRUE IM A REAL AMERICAN I HAVE WE THE PEOPLE TATTOOED ON MY NUTS THAT WAS DEI IN ACTION EVEN THOUGH I CANT SPELL DIVERSITY EQUITY OR INCLUSION MAKE AMERICA WH-- I MEAN GREAT AGAIN

Elon Musk couldn't survive without his balanced diet of ketamine, government contracts, and eager little frat boys.

Day 76 of me praying that Elon Musk ODs on ketamine and removes himself from the planet.

Claymation and everyone is voiced by Danny Devito or Jennifer Coolidge

It's almost like if you're a shitty company with a shitty streaming service, no one will want to subscribe to your service 🤠

Screaming into the void isn't enough, I need to recircumcise a billionaire with a potato peeler.

I need more strange people on Bluesky. I need to see deranged humor without fighting in the trenches of Twitter. Be weird y'all. I'm begging.

The only friendship bracelets I want are ones made from the teeth of curbstomped Nazis.