Newman

Newman's Own Newman O's Original Chocolate Sandwich Cookies red package with Paul Newman's face in a yellow circle. Text: "100% Profits Help Kids," "Made With Organic Flour & Organic Sugar," "NEWMAN'S OWN," "NEWMAN O's," "original," "NET WT 13 OZ (368g)," "CHOCOLATE SANDWICH COOKIES," "No High Fructose Corn Syrup."

I have a feeling that @ntnewman.bsky.social needs this image for future reactions:

The older I get the more able I am to see the future crystal clear. See my last post.

If you ever feel like a worthless bag of shit - just know someone is frantically searching the web right now, trying to dig up dirt to slander the memory of a deceased registered nurse to protect goverment storm troopers they don’t know. So, you’re not that bad after all.

I can’t remember if it’s dates or figs I like. But it’s definitely one more than the other.

I’ve decided on a stage name:
Nicolas Buran.

I just want to have some chili in a Wendy’s solarium then go home and catch the end of the cubs game on WGN.

Holistic medicine update: I’m better but I can’t tell if it’s the “medicine” or I got better.

I have a sore throat and bought holistic remedies from a health food store. If anybody has a spare rope I’d be happy to piss up it as well.

I bought a Tottenham Hotspur fitted hat. It wasn’t cheap. If I found out that the Tottenham football club did some really terrible things that hurt innocent people-I’d toss the hat out and eat the $32. You don’t have to defend repugnant stuff just because you bought their merch.

Promise me you’ll write my obituary in the dingbat font. Promise me.

I’ve been in a constant state of self-explanation since 2004. And no I won’t elaborate on this.

The guy my college girlfriend left me for just got name-checked in the Easter bunny episode of Rick and Morty. We live in a simulation.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been in the locker room with the fellas and overheard someone say “I think she’d be way hotter if her eyelashes looked more like actual fucking spiders- that’s what makes a person attractive”

I finally got around to watching Downton Abbey. Is it just me or is Edith the obvious smash?

Baseballs thrown by players into the stands belong exclusively to children. Batted balls? That’s grown man stuff. You’re not catching a souvenir you’re protecting the village. Then you give it to a kid. You also have to make the catch to get the ball. Drop it- it’s a live ball.

Is there a “remedial dungeons and dragons”?

I applied to Sea-Org but they said I didn’t have the prerequisites or the gpa.

The movie “Euro Trip” does not hold up. Also, I never got my Biscoffs.

No substitutes. Wait your turn.

I like a solid pair of titties in their early 40’s #ThisIsTheOnlySocialMediaPlatformMyMomDoesntFollowMeOn

My town just opened its first Long John Silvers. There is a line of cars around the block. I say fuck that shit -Captain D’s for life you fair weather sons of bitches. Hush puppies is hush puppies.

Just so I got it. Copperfield was on a “list” then that “list” just disappeared.

I need to use this platform more.

Has anybody else spent the day gently stretching their Achilles tendon?

My balls are a UNESCO world heritage site.

a man in a suit and tie is dancing in front of a flag with stars on it ALT: a man in a suit and tie is dancing in front of a flag with stars on it

All these things you’re saying didn’t stop you in November from hooping around giddy like an idiot when you thought you were getting tax breaks and perks. They weren’t deal breakers for you. So don’t act like they matter now that you’re on the outs.

This is the first pope in history to have a strong opinion one way or the other about Robin Ventura.