Mega Buffoon Pack

Also you need to harvest your crops on FarmVille, they’re gonna wilt if you wait any longer

AI misinformation? Discord asking for ID verification? Mass surveillance? Buddy, you’ve been asleep all evening. It’s 2012 and some guy who lives 3,000 miles away sent you a Facebook invite to his party tomorrow for some reason

sent a little bit. hope it helps!

Just saw an ad for a car that pitched it as a great car to make out in. I would imagine we’re only a few years away from ads talking about which cars are great to live in

A reminder to the news media: “conflicting accounts” is what you say BEFORE the incontrovertible video evidence appears. After that, your job is to ask why one side is lying, not to repeat the lie and pretend no one knows the truth.

Weather app just told me it’s gonna be “Not as cold tomorrow, with a high of 11” without the slightest hint of irony

My most boomeriffic take is that pop music should sound kinda scary again. Number one pop hits should have weird Haunted Mansion carnival vibes again like they did in the 60s

“You will observe and agree” lmao

The millennial's curse: Very online 30/40 somethings cannot write, talk, or make art without constantly trying to defy or (worse in some ways) outflank the scorn of an audience they will never know or see. If that curse has extended to how you interact with your kids, you're well and truly cooked

you should do the Sony thing and completely flip your “cancel” and “accept” buttons at some point for no particular reason and gaslight everyone about it

Favre had a fair few of those when he wasn’t busy throwing interceptions, doing Olympic feats, or committing welfare fraud

Never realized how much dude throws like late 90s-era Brett Favre

Currently at a Chicago-area bar showing the Bears game and making this face at the Rams every 5 minutes so people don’t figure out I’m a Packers fan

Nobody told me Emily St. John Mandel is basically remaking Southland Tales and now I’m anticipating a new novel more than I think I ever have for any book

“Sam Darnold” sounds like a fake name you’d come up with to enter a shady giveaway for a 3-night trip to the Bahamas

My favorite movie trailers are the action films where they just have a guy giving an interview about how many pounds of dynamite were used in their shoots or whatever. There’s something admirable about not even pretending to have substance

Calling myself “post-relationship” because that sounds cooler than posting “I’m single again” to social media as someone in their 30s

That’s just snowslop. You’re just cleaning it off your car so it doesn’t fall all over the road and injure people

Is this a Howard’s Family reference

playing through EarthBound for the first time in years and forgot that basically every NPC talks like this

An air fryer

Unfortunately, my whole bit about not owning and never having owned an air fryer is no longer true. Send all your air fryer recommendations my way

Everything can be a bit if you try hard enough

And NO scammy tactics!

How do you plan on getting that done today

In the Upper Midwest, it’s illegal to walk past someone wearing fewer than five layers in the winter without yelling “AREN’T YOU COLD?!” at the top of your lungs

The TaB can is the only ornament on the mini tree in my house

Just a few more hours to go before the year on the calendar looks even more like a far-off sci-fi number that shouldn’t be the current year than it already does

I live in a “nice” apartment complex and have gotten three mystery charges I’ve had to fight the leasing office over and three notes stuck in my door that amounted to “Hello we are your landlord” in as many months. Life in the US is just kind of a constant scam.

I mostly don’t miss owning a house but if there’s one thing I hate about voluntarily going back to apartment life, it’s how you constantly feel like the leasing office is going to randomly find some way to come down on you or extract $50 from you