Chris Locke Online

2/2 I just find Uplift Mofo Party Plan and Mother’s Milk to be kind of like brothers of albums. Also I really wish Hillel played on the first album. The demos are the best from that era. Out In LA is the quintessential perfect RHCP song

1/2 I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers from 1984 - 1991. I have always kind of wished Hillel Slovak lived to record the Mother’s Milk songs and then John Frusciante came in how he did with Blood Sugar Sex Magik. But ultimately there is no problem either way.

ME: Batman!

BATMAN: Yeah?

ME: … what’s up

3/3 Shortly afterwards I was rescued by Albert’s extended family. They were all 4 foot 7 inches tall. They loved each other very much. The media won’t tell you this stuff

2/3 A tiny man in overalls named Albert crawled out and offered me a salami sandwich and tea from his thermos. He saved my life.

1/3 3 years ago I fell into a pit. Alone in this deep, dark, hole for weeks, I was just about to give up on ever eating a meal again, save the odd worm, when two hands scooped a hole out in front of my toes.

I hate these guys

2/2 Once I was alone I befriended a little gooey creature named Plunjoe. I was just about to tell Plunjoe a joke and then instantly I returned here. Right back to the point in time I originally disappeared from what feels like decades ago. No one believes me.

1/2 I disappeared. I went to another dimension. I lived an entire lifetime in this other dimension as a gravedigger on a forgotten outpost planet where a plague killed all the settlers.

“What’s up!”

Take your pants off, spin around three times, throw your shirt onto a guy, throw your pants onto a girl, three of you will not be graduating this year

The government WANTS you to feel like an idiot! But you’re not an idiot! You’re a bizarre creature! That’s all

I’m happy for Pamela Anderson finding love with Liam Neeson. I am. I really am. What? I am. I think it’s… you know. Good for her to be happy with some other guy

It’s not called Ryan’s Scrambled Eggs anymore

Okay this is all good information thank you very much

RIP Nick, brilliant genius

I like nature. Do robots like nature?

Bluesky like, I don’t even want to check it. Is this entertaining for anyone? I feel like it’s not awesome sauce

Very important read:

Chats tonight!

Erotic Fiction Summer

Doc says I gotta stop wolfin’ back dogs

MARCUS AURELIAS: (Looking through a time portal in the sky) Oh my god thank you for checking out my shit!

Trump needs to practice stoicism, Marcus Aurelias, Seneca, etc. he also needs to take cold plunges and do intermittent fasting. Then maybe just maybe he will become very successful and have a very full bank account and hot women wanting to ride in his BMW M3 E92. Do you want success like I do?

Currently reading: How To Unf**k Your Life by Jean Paul Sartre

What’s up with you, man?

Conservatives think King Pentheus is the hero of The Bacchae

Bongino

Omg get off my case

A robot just ripped off my head and said to his robot friend “This is not food, okay”