The Wild Kat 💜

ME: Do you want a song, or do you want to go right in the crib?

👦: Song.

ME. Ok. “If ever I would leave you-”

👦: Go in the crib.

One thing to know about Chicago pedestrians is that we WILL have the audacity.

I’m just having a generic Shit Day today, right down to the stereotypical forgetting of the lunch.

That’s gonna be a load-bearing Chipotle this afternoon.

WRONG. #Orthodox

It must be nice to be a sociopath, because all the new products are for you. The smart glasses will give you that woman’s address, the betting apps will finally let you make bank on war crimes.

The Wildcats, if he wants me to keep paying into his college fund! 😜

Omg paging @hammerandrails.bsky.social

I had a dream last night that Fernando Mendoza and I were renting a house together.

I feel like he’d make a great roommate.

It’s even better when you know what he was going for: the circle on the left is Willie, and the thing on the right is a train with smoke coming out.

Oregon game was so crazy I forgot to post this gem:

Happy 9th birthday to The Pass, Northwestern nation.

Collins must have spanked each player personally in the locker room at the half because they came out on FIRE.

The hardest portion for me would be the 24 beers. The bloating would be insane.

He looks dead behind the eyes; all y’all New Yorkers better say thank you.

You: "Girlfriend" by *NSYNC

The guy she tells you not to worry about: "Girlfriend (The Neptunes Remix) feat. Nelly" by *NSYNC

stop calling us nazis just because we are invalidating IDs and rounding people up based on their skin color and putting them in concentration camps and sending them off to foreign gulags and using all that nazi imagery and banning books and dont forget about all the pedophilia. so just stop alright

One poll worker knows my mom and came to see me in Sound of Music. This is an excellent point!

Hey Mercari, go fuck yourself. I’m deleting my account.

I wish when someone you blocked called or texted you, a little recorded voice would whisper to them, “You’re blocked.”

“Please. Please, I have a family.”

I’m watching 9/11: One Day in America.

We’ve normalized 9/11 way too much.

Maybe it’s because I was freshly 12 when it happened, but even having visited the museum, I don’t think I’ve grasped the scope of the calamity. The footage is apocalyptic.

It’s still hard to believe this actually happened.

H
I
M

THE WAY GOD INTENDED 😤💜🤍

BURGER IS BIRTHRIGHT 🇺🇸🍔

My local alumni group for my sorority is mostly middle aged and older ladies, who are adorable. At game night, they were all talking about their aches and pains and joint replacements.

Made me want to hit the gym to protect what I have while I’m still young(-ish).

Wild how Olympics drama is continuing multiple days after the Olympics

Why do you have to make my call with the president POLITICAL
Stop inserting POLITICS into my party with the FBI Director
My boys trip with the secretary of defense has nothing to do with POLITICS
Since when is it POLITICAL to rub the vice presidents tummy and give him a little smooch

Unprecedented, a double gold medal in🥇Men’s Hockey🥇and🥇Squandering Public Goodwill 🥇

(I’m talking out of my ass and don’t actually know this, but if I’m right…it would be awesome. 😎⛸️🦿)

The Paralympics should add figure skating for folks with artificial limbs. Those legs could withstand G forces a biological limb could not. We’d see quints immediately. It would be sick.