mattharbert

How many paper straws do I have to drink from to balance out 2 million liters of diesel?

Crazy that Grok is contributing to global warming. That’s like if Microsoft Bing was burning down rainforests.

Congrats to Stephen Colbert for never bending the knee.

I love that there are people in LA that will DEMAND a stranger's time and advice and then there's me - who when asking a close friend an entertainment industry favor I feel like I'm going to throw up until they respond and aren't mad at me.

X CEO Linda Yaccarino is now ex X CEO Linda Yaccarino. Rumors are she’s doing a sequel with Vin Diesel where she will be xXx CEO Linda Yaccarino.

Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday!

Republican humor is making a cute fun name for a concentration camp.

Democrats don’t like Democratic Socialists but voters do.

We have the phrase “Preaching to the choir” but we don’t have one for “Preaching to the people that will never ever change their minds so just cut them out of your life.” Maybe it’s too wordy.

Mick Jagger dances like a baby and that’s a compliment

I genuinely think al pastor could make racists less racist. You can’t hate that taste.

I just want to confirm that Los Angeles is in fact a very scary place and you should not drive up housing demands it’s vewy vewy scawwy

she’s like 15 feet away. absolutely that man’s whole thought process was: “I’m gonna shoot that woman”

Saw from a friend on FB

ICE AT NOHO TARGET

Finished the first draft of an unauthorized feature based off of a 1989 music video. It took forever. Please clap. #screenwriting #screenwriter

I know this isn’t a new take but for right now - Thank god we don’t have emotional women in charge 🙄

Made a smart choice not to make a Cider House Rules joke to my young sketch team

Definitely have FOMO. Inside of me is one wolf.

Segs life in your 40s #standup #eldermillenial #milennialsoftiktok TikTok video by Matt Harbert

Sex life in your 40s

www.tiktok.com/t/ZTjmKJAGU/

Sorry I only use Home Box Office #HBO

If you made $475 a day since the dinosaurs roamed the earth, you’d have to do a lot of math to know how much money you now have.

The internet’s crazy, like “damn I made this thing for free that only made 100 people happy!” 😡

Growing up under the impression that more friends made blood handshakes. Not one blood handshake yet. Y’all doing blood handshake friendships while I’m home?

“Abolish ICE” is the moderate position. Radical is “prosecute every ICE employee under RICO.”

Pope already came to LA expecting me to know his improv team smh

Jeff Goldblum disarms a bomb #impression #jeffgoldblum #sketchcomedy #fyp TikTok video by Matt Harbert

Jeff Goldblum disarms a bomb idk www.tiktok.com/t/ZTjURyNg4/

SNL officially landed a UK remake. It's already your annoying American friend's favorite version of SNL.

Frugal dads nationwide forcing family to eat day old hard boiled eggs.

Rodney Safefield - a one liner comic that talks about how respected he is