Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀

Mama, just killed a mouse... (A cat with a big black mustache)

I'm putting my 6 yo to bed and he says, "Dad, I have kidneys. You have Dadneys." I'm. So. Proud.

the council will decide your fate (A bunch of cats looking down from a window)

me at 16: mom i dont need your dinner im not a kid anymore me at 23: mom did u cut the crust off my sandwich the way i like (Chonky cat sitting in a toddler chair looking at food)

*sees cat at party* FINALLY someone I can talk to

brainstatic The key to getting over imposter syndrome is to know everyone else is an imposter too. Tell yourself you deserve a stake in the scam they're all running. smitethepatriarchy Ummmm excuse me but this is fucking brilliant. drst Did you just cure imposter syndrome with... spite? jabberwockypie You can cure a LOT with spite.

swagpizza: what do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? ambiants: tequila mockingbird flailing-nerd: F. scotch Fitzgerald theoffwhiterabbit: Ernest Hemingway

Even the hurricanes are avoiding the US... (A map of multiple hurricanes, each making a hard right at the last minute to avert contact with the US)

😢

9mmSMG @9mm_smg: Rarely am I jealous of another man. This man's rare stick collection has me feeling pure envy. (A guy with a wall full of mounted sticks)

your other mom • Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

your other mom • Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

(Pete Hegseth) YOU'RE ALL FAT! NOW LISTEN TO THIS FAT MAN! (Trump) THANK YOU, NOW, UH.. GO... ATTACK AMERICA.

Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice GOOD NEWS PATRIOTS! WITH WASHINGTON SHUT DOWN, I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM NOW THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. MY PLATFORM IS VERY SIMPLE: HEALTH CARE FOR ALL AMERICANS (NO MEASLES!), FREE SCHOOL MEALS (WOW PUDDING FOR EVERYONE), FREE CHILDCARE (THE MOMS LOVE ME! MORE BABIES!! GOOD-PAYING JOBS, AND NO MORE EVIL TARIFFS!!! EGGS WILL BE FREE. HAIR GEL SUBSIDIES WILL BE AVAILABLE (BUT ONLY FOR HANDSOME DEMOCRATS) AND WE WILL ALSO LEGALIZE CANNABIS! CRIME WILL STAY LOW AND EVERYONE WILL BE HIGH ON PATRIOTISM. AND NO MORE TICKETMASTER FEES (FOR THE SWIFTIES, FEES STAY FOR KID ROCK! THEY WILL CHANT USA! USA! BECAUSE WE WILL BE BACK AND "HOTTER" THAN EVER BEFORE. THANK YOU! - GCN

Found in a patient's crack before a colonoscopy (A note) Good morning, I have been trying to reath you about your cars extended warranty.

boss: you're late again me: i saw a cat boss: that's what you said yesterday me: he lives in my house

Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize The committee recognized Trump with a "certificate of participation."

Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize

www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-expl...

(Lines lifted from a Black Sabbath song) Generals gathered in their masses Staring at these two jackasses..

(A spooky looking cat in the dark) It's never too early to feed the cat.

(A cat) Consistency is key. Never stop begging for treats! Doesn't matter if they say no 200 times. One ot them is weak. You just have to find out who

I once filled a planet with little copies of me. But they were naughty and I drowned most of them. Then I impregnated one of them and had a son. I had him killed so that the others would love me. Sometimes I wonder whether that was OK or not. What do you think, doctor?

(Girl in red dress) Actual children (Guy checking her out) Evangelical Christians (His girlfriend looking at him mad) A clump of cells

(Robin) Maybe people don't want to see your cat pics (Batman and his ginger cat, slapping Robin) Yes they do!

Meanwhile in Florida, the alligators have developed sign making skills Runners Move to the side of the road when a vehicle approaches (Alligators all along the roadside)

I AM A CUTIE I AM THE KITTY I MAKE YOUR DAY A LOT LESS SHITTY

(Dwight from the Office) Shopping for some spooky Halloween decor (Turning to see a woman behind him) F**k (The women ) Christmas Trees

ive driven into my garage door, can someone pls genuinely help me fix this before my mum comes home tonight, what do i do???? Imao Healthy Living Open the garage, put the car inside and close the door again and ram it fae the other side, trust me i'm a joiner

(Tiger in the weeds) Measles and polio rebecoming lethal diseases in the population (Scared little kids looking at a bunny) MAGA supporters (Bunny) Tylenol

me waiting on God's wrath after some good blasphemy (Kermit fishing, relaxing, and looking out the window)

Rapture Survivor Card Celebrate 2000 years of "any day now" Survive 9 End Times predictions and the 10th one is free!