Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀

(MAGA don’t tread on me flag, but instead says…) NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL IT HURTS ME

(Trump) The lives of courageous American heroes! may be lost. That often happens in war* (Lord Farquaad from Shrek) Some of you may die. But it's a sacrificellam willing to make.

(Trump) We have unleashed hell on Iran. (2 guys) What did he say? I don't know. Something about really young girls.

(Advisor whispering to stunned George W Bush) Sir, you are no longer responsible for the most ridiculous war in the Middle East

I-Courtney Heard (Godless M... @godless_mom Atheists! What if you're wrong? What if you never believe in Kahless the Unforgettable & destroy your chances of getting into Stovokor? What if you're tortured for all eternity by Fek'lhr in Gre'Thor? You're only an #atheist until you're on the Barge of the Dead!

(A black cat) My humans bought an extra large bag of my favourite food... so l've decided i don't like it anymore. ✨STAY TOXIC✨

This man saved a dog from a house fire, the cat saved itself by jumping out the window (Can flying out the window of a burning house)

Cat: “That dogs a wimp”

DAILY SHOW thedailyshow: "Holy shit, did WE ever make the right decision" - The US Women's Hockey Team

My computer started giving me side quests... (Screen) ERROR An error occurred. The Wizard must be stopped.

State of the Union BINGO THE RESISTANCE Claims the 2020 election was stolen Claims he ended "X" number of wars Bashes SCOTUS Says the phrase "Transgender for Everyone" Mentions Nicki Minaj Hints at refund checks Mumbles something incoherent Mentions Greenland Hints at war with Iran Calls Melania a "movie star" Says the phrase "fake news" Rambles about China Mentions Joe Biden (FREE) Claims Epstein is a hoax Talks about a woman's body part Claims fraud in California Pushes the SAVE Act Lies about the economy Bashes Canada Says "nobody's ever seen anything like it" Claims poll numbers are fake Mentions Obama Praises tariffs Claims prescriptions are down by over 100% Mentions the Olympics

Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice WOW!!! JUST GOT A CALL FROM A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE (TOP LEVEL) THAT DONALD TRUMP IS FURIOUS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM (GOVERNOR OF THE FREE WORLD) HAVE COMPLETELY "HIJACKED" THE NEWS ON HIS "BIG SPEECH DAY" WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. FOX NEWS IS WALL-TO-WALL COVERAGE OF ME AND MY "ROAD SHOW." MY RATINGS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF! MUCH BETTER THAN DOZY'S. PEOPLE ARE NOW SAYING THAT I SHOULD DELIVER THE SPEECH INSTEAD OF TRUMP'S "STATE OF THE SNOOZE." I WOULD CRUSH IT. EVEN WITH DYSLEXIA. ESPECIALLY WITH DYSLEXIA! UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, I DON'T NEED THE TELEPROMPTER (VERY ADVANCED SKILL, VERY RARE). I MEMORIZE. IT'S CALLED PREPARATION. LOOK IT UP, DON! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! -GOVERNOR GCN

God: Things you would rather do than watch his State of the Union speech tonight? … James Fell: Rub jalapeño peppers on my taint.

her: tell me something you've never told anyone else me: *whispering* i think the owl people are already among us her: who? me: holy shit

Her: you named your socks? Me: yeah, this is Tube-a Gooding Jr, this is Motley Crew, and this is Dwayne the Johnson Sock Her: you mean Dwayne the Sock Johnson? Me: I do not

manysidesofmegs: Any other women out there in their 40s who are really confused with their sexuality right now? I thought I was straight but now I'm not convinced. missminervois: You saw the RFK Kid Rock video too huh?

r/LeopardsAteMyFace mar_kelp "I always loved Trump, this is unfair": Republican mayor can't believe he's facing deportation after 50 years in US (2 guys boohooing and rubbing their eyes)

(2 aliens discussing their cat) I HAVE GIVEN THE CREATURE SUSTENANCE I HAD ALREADY DONE THIS THEIR RECEPTACLE WAS EMPTY THE CREATURE EMPTIED IT THEIR REQUEST SEEMED DESPERATE THERE IT IS AGAIN NOW THE CREATURE MOCKS US IT WAS DECEPTION (NATHANWPYLE)

Annette Bell @Luke17_37: I pray to Him and He guides me. Sometimes He answers my really specific prayers quickly, like the time I prayed for a fine-tipped Sharpie and I got one within about 30 minutes, despite being in a mountainous remote area in a foreign country. And I know Him through the Bible. @SethAndrewsTTA: God ignores the Holocaust. Finds you a Sharpie. #SoundsLegit

Me doing my taxes: I have a child (a guy holding a cat bundled in clothes)

News Channel: "UFO whistleblower recovered nonhuman biologics" The rest of us: Impressive. Very Nice. Now let's see Jeffrey Epsteins Client list

(Old painting) (Woman 1) What's on your mind? (Woman 2) Do you think that when fish are thrown back into the water, they go around yelling about alien abductions, and the other fish think they're crazy and stop talking to them?

PATHEOS.COM Study finds atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Robert Noble: This article is stupid. Besides not knowing how to feed and care for them, it's illegal to own a Christian, let alone buy and sell them.

(RFK JR and Kid Rock, as…) The Ambiguously Gay Duo!

South Korean Ex-Leader Is Sentenced to Life in Prison

South Korea, showing America how it's done.

"Former President Yoon Suk Yeol was found guilty of masterminding an insurrection when he imposed martial law in 2024, was sentenced to life in prison."

www.nytimes.com/live/2026/02...

r/Jokes Posted by u/Incubuzzer My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee. DFYX: Go see a vet. You might be a dog.

Pam Bondi LOSES HER MIND when asked why she has not indicted any of Jeffrey Epstein's clients. "The Dow is over 50k right now, the Nasdaq smashing records, that's what we should be talking about!!" Tommy Vietor @TVietor08 The stock market is up so we don't have to prosecute pedophiles is one of the worst political messages i have ever heard. Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth My wife: How late were you out last night? Me: The DOW is over $50,000!

(A duck riding the subway) Karen why is there a duck on the subway? @ru: probably because they can't f***ing drive karen

Imperial Stormtrooper Once Again Finishes Dead Last In Olympic Biathlon (A Stormtrooper wearing skis)

This is Gary (a guy). Gary set up a voice recognition password. Buffy meowed while he was doing it and now she's the only one who can unlock it. This is Buffy (a cat). Buffy says, "No chance."

News flash Florida woman kidnaps scientist to make her cat immortal @BeefyGorilla: I'm not saying she's right, but I get it