Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀

(Baby in a playpen onboard a bass boat) WHEN THE BABYSITTER CANCELS BUT YOU KNOW THE FISH ARE BITIN

Mark Knoller © @markknoller Pres Trump asks Japanese auto makers if they could build their cars in the US and not just ship them over. Renato Mariotti @renato_mariotti Someone should tell Trump that Honda has plants in the Japanese islands of Ohio, Indiana, and Alabama.

Fox Business * • Follow END OF AN ERA: The move closes a chapter in tech history that introduced millions to the internet and the... See more … AOL WILL BE ENDING DIAL-UP INTERNET SERVICE NEXT MONTH AFTER 34 YEARS

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Elon Musk @elonmusk You got 3M views on your bullshit post, you liar, far more than l've received on many of mine, despite me having 50 times your follower count! Sam Altman @sama will you sign an affidavit that you have never directed changes to the X algorithm in a way that has hurt your competitors or helped your own companies? ... i will apologize if so. idea @dctrpr @grok who's right? dont be biased. Grok @grok Follow •.• Based on verified evidence, Sam Altman is right. Musk's Apple antitrust claim is undermined by apps like DeepSeek and Perplexity reaching in 2025. Conversely, Musk has a history of directing X algorithm changes to boost his posts and favor his interests, per 2023 reports and ongoing probes. Hypocrisy noted.

(Church sign) Church of The Cross DONT LET WORRIES KILL YOU LET THE CHURCH HELP United Methodist Church

Slippy @damnslippy.slippy.me Sincerely delighted to discover, 45 minutes into this nearly-wordless three-hour documentary about French monks who take vows of silence, that among the reasons they *can* talk is "to make sure the monastery cats know when it's mealtime by making little kitty-calling noises at them."

(At a Starbucks) guy: excuse me there's a large rat in the bathroom barista: you mean a Venti rat? guy: go fuck yourself

Nvidia, AMD agree to pay U.S. government 15% of A.I. chip sales to China The arrangement is highly unusual as U.S. tech export controls are usually based on national security imperatives rather than whether they can raise funds for Washington.

The mob boss wants his cut.

wapo.st/41shniw

(Little sleeping girl with sunflower shells stuck all over her) I WAS SPITTING SUNFLOWER SEEDS OUT THE WINDOW ON THE WAY HOME BUT I GUESS THEY FOUND THEIR WAY BACK IN THE CAR

iztarshi The worst kind of griffin would be a fox/seagull. Screams all day and all night and is definitely in your garbage. rue-nightly Can you even imagine life in a world with this flavour of griffins? Instead of some magestic lion/eagle soaring through the skies deep in the untouched wilds you'd be stuck trying to drive a racoon/crow, a creature that would fight God for half a bagel, from your garbage bin with only a broom and an oven mitt to defend yourself

Lamont A. Turner @LamontATumerl Campbell's doesn't fuck around Kim Spears Cook • Campbell's 10 hrs • Henderson, TN - Your new commercial with the 2 dads makes me sick. … Customer Service Hi Kim! If you're feeling sick, we suggest enjoying a delicious can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. Make sure to enjoy it hot, so that it can help warm up your cold, dead heart.

@yngthgw Wtf is "burning CDs" 3:35 AM • Mar 22, 2021 • Twitter for iPhone (Elrond) I was there. 3,000 years ago...

no matter how tired you are, you will never be as tired as a cat who has done absolutely nothing all day

(Jesus) My mother was a virgin when she gave birth to me. (Another guy) Yeah, that's why three random dudes showed up at your birth with gifts.

Kitties lined up on a roof top

Happy Caturday!

Jonathan Edward Durham @thisone@verhere First people to arrive in Phoenix (March): oh my god why is there nobody else here in this absolute paradise Those same people (August): oh Sam Scott It's called that because the sun routinely sets birds on fire

Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again! Stuart Little: please, i'm not who you think i am my name is stu- Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef

(Newman from Seinfeld sweating) students in 2040 when the teacher asks what their name is but chatgpt servers are down

When Salvador Dalí's pet ocelot shredded valuable art in the 1960s, he didn't pay. He convinced the dealer the damage made it more valuable, increasing its price by 50%.

Man With Strong Urge To Eat Wicker Basket Settles For Triscuit Instead

(Old painting of a woman playing with a cat with string) I love it that cats slap the sh!t out of anything they don't understand

Doctor: "please step on the scale” Me: (a plump cat on the scale with tears, and the scale says “Fat”)

Yoda bagels (green bagels with ears that look like Yoda) Anakin bagels (burned bagels)

just-shower-thoughts Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate. jpfinch1 I was having a good day. We were all having a good day. churchyardgrim I mean it's kind of not, seeds aren't analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn't analogous to sperm, plants don't do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon lunapics Now we're having a good day again.

Why do humans need jobs why cant I just sit on a beach with my tits out and stare into the ocean until I die

ITS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL A BIG GUST OF WIND MAKES YOU PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE. (Someone driving a vehicle with a strap around their left arm that is holding down a mattress that’s on top)

Small Town Squirrel @eternalkerri Seriously. Trump can suck the Iraqi sand off my transgender veteran cock. Small Town Squirrel @eternalkerri 2h Replying to @eternalkerri This tweet is getting so much action, l've set my phone to vibrate and stuck it down my pants.

Hope someone says this about me one day (Sign on a bench by a brick wall) FOR BARBARA Who was awful when hungry but otherwise pretty solid.

Thinking about having kids? My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 13 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.

Yellowstone Bison Gores Woman Who Refused To Delete Unflattering Photograph