Torsle

"People who don't feel empathy just need to experience more pain"

My dad told me he got a ticket for going 50 in a 35. I said your first mistake was not speeding on the highway... I exclusively speed on the highway, and I never have had a speeding ticket.

You don't have to hate the Mario movie, you just have to hate Chris Pratt

I'm a girls girl... but right now I don't wanna be

They're just trying to convince people they know the law better than the other lawyer, to people who don't know the law

Lawyers are really just professional arguers

I genuinely want to see a conversation between Gordon Ramsey and Trump

I never wanna be in a restaurant where Gordon Ramsay suddenly stomps through while cursing

Wym because 250 years ago my ancestors decided to get on a boat i have to live in this bullshit country

THREE WEEKS? I'll send you some of mine, they've started a turf war

At this time I only want chocolate in my mouth

Pantheon is anti Mormon propaganda

Wait the rock

Idk why people are so interested in the Pentagon's pizza party

I sure hope it doesn't happen 🍲🥪

I didn't even know this was a thing please educate me

Thinking about how John Cena went from wrestler, to Fred's Dad, to Peacemaker

I wanna live in a world where I can trade fruits or vegetables for other people's goods and we can all just sustain each other with our goods

Soup and sandwiches

I never wanna hear "back in my day we didn't have so many rules for raising children and they turned out fine" when apparently you were putting COCAINE in cereal for my father when he was a boy 💀

Turns out it's because she used to dance 🤭

Why did my grammie so casually just ask me if I "have a pole dancing place near" me? 😭

Alexandra if you were at MCR July 26th, your ID is with lost and found

"There are people who look more weird than you"

If someone suggests the exact most plausible cause, they're probably sus

I don't believe in "violence isn't the answer" I believe in "violence as a last resort in specific situations"

"You can't keep putting on twilight when you don't want to choose what we watch" - Justin

Imagine if you're at the dentist and you start crying, so they use the drool suction tool to catch your tears

My right hand is my write hand 😭