zoë

bass pro shop pyramid and surrounding area/highway covered in snow

there are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see

I don't need a recipe for disaster I usually just eyeball it

every girl has an emotional support heating pad

That's been me pretty much constantly the past year tbh

BREAKING NEWS: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announces resignation, as Canada officially admits defeat in the Drake vs. Kendrick beef.

My sleeping pattern truly is in the trenches rn

GIVE ME MY FUCKING LAPTOP DISC DRIVES BACK DAMMIT 😭

The fact that I was almost surprised that my laptop still had an audio jack is an indictment of the current state of society

Honestly given how Nas is still damn near at the top of his game, agreed

[Witch being burned at the stake]

Crowd: *jeering

Vampire: [from the back] YEAH, FUCK THAT STAKE!!!

My mood going into 2025 is 'fuck it we ball'

I was drunk texting a lovely friend who I've had a crush on since we met afterwards and long story short now I have a girlfriend so I actually have a good feeling about this year. We got this bitches

When 2025 rolled around I was drunkenly making out with a cute lesbian in the bathroom and her friend signed my tit for good luck so I believe in magic now

The man is the patron saint of haters at this point and I love him for it

Carrying my makeup in my very inconspicuous Pelican case

It’s not enough
A few solid titties left but it’s not enough

Or whatever Kendrick said

You are not immune to autistic lesbian rizz

Your desk says a lot about you. For example, mine has 2 separate cups of coffee, a glass of milk, 6 knives, a vibrator, and some expired beef jerky that you bet I'm still gonna eat. I don't know what that says about me but my therapist usually writes a lot down in her notebook when I see her

Have people rail you, not your financial situation

How it feels showing up to family Christmas dinner after making out with a cute girl right before

I prefer my olive oil extra slutty thank you

I think I’ve missed the last few software updates on my body.

If you think spironolactone smells nice and still think you're cis I have bad (or great depending on your point of view) news for you

I've been watching it lately and it just makes me sad that the space race was forgotten so quickly all things considered. I hope that spark in people that got us to the moon in the first place gets rekindled someday and never goes out.

Therapy is great and all but for a great low cost alternative consider running around the woods screaming at the top of your lungs while throwing an axe at dead trees

The home alone movie posters are the original reaction YouTube thumbnails

I have to say while I do appreciate the gesture a lot, letting the parents of the cute girl I hooked up drive me home does make for a slightly awkward car ride

checking my email in the morning is like playing russian roulette since I never know if I'm gonna get an email about survival gear or an ad for sex toys

I almost feel sorry for the random business accounts that keep following me because because I feel like one of my posts will eventually be responsible for someone's uncomfortable HR conversation about looking at NSFW memes in the office