Canadian Bacon

Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit

I consume every potato like it might be my last!

Welcome to potato season, please consume responsibly

Me, getting kidnapped:
I could eat.

Stuff me with your pimento like the queen olive I am.

Jazz hands to the coffee pot I go

One day I'll learn to leave well enough alone. This isn't the day.

It’s okay to cry when your cheese slips off the cracker.

Might go as a thick slice of applewood maple bacon this Halloween

Life.. still disappointing.

“I’m down for whatever,” I say, falling asleep.

Out here making dreams come true. I mean, not yours, but.

Another day, another “what the fuck am I doing?”

My Halloween costume always ends up being, ‘guy eating candy in sweatpants.’

There’s absolutely no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time

Don't make me say something I won't regret.

life is a constant battle of trying to have a good time or being healthy

Masterfully done I whisper to myself after successfully getting through another day without going out.

*getting out of bed*

Me: Fuck this.

Just saw my reflection and apologized.

"i can't get any engagement on bluesky" skill issue. a true poster can post anywhere. a poor workman blames his tools

The best skeets? Random answers;)
E.g.:
Never gym, always gin;D

help me tape the leaves back on these trees

Well, I'm awake again. Hide your cheese.

Some days I try too hard. Some days I don’t try hard enough. Either way, I’d rather still be in bed.

am i having a nervous breakdown or do i just need a snack

I put the ghoul in ghoulash

I wish we could return to a simpler time before the Internet and pants.

I heard, "if you want it sugar coated, go to a bakery"

thanks, i'll take a dozen glazed and let's cleanse this world with fire

Idiote Sauvignon