Sometimes I just want to hug an enormous blueberry muffin
03.03.2026 23:38 — 👍 52 🔁 9 💬 1 📌 0Sometimes I just want to hug an enormous blueberry muffin
03.03.2026 23:38 — 👍 52 🔁 9 💬 1 📌 0Slipping into bed extra early and not feeling guilty is the new black.
04.03.2026 01:25 — 👍 31 🔁 6 💬 1 📌 0I really need everyone to get less stupid
03.03.2026 21:06 — 👍 83 🔁 26 💬 10 📌 1Misery would be a good girls name.
03.03.2026 23:22 — 👍 55 🔁 13 💬 5 📌 1Hear me out: a cake you jump into.
03.03.2026 21:25 — 👍 183 🔁 66 💬 16 📌 6Well, my dog agreed you're wrong.
03.03.2026 23:07 — 👍 58 🔁 27 💬 4 📌 2Dishes that make it into the dishwasher without my assistance is some kind of miracle.
03.03.2026 23:37 — 👍 20 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 1This is my alt. My main is real life.
03.03.2026 23:17 — 👍 42 🔁 21 💬 1 📌 0no one blames it on the rain anymore; yet another causality of global warming
03.03.2026 07:16 — 👍 128 🔁 29 💬 12 📌 1all of my besties are strangers on the internet
03.03.2026 07:58 — 👍 59 🔁 25 💬 0 📌 0
“Verify you’re a human.”
Is that something to really want to fucking aspire to?
The ghosts of good enough.
28.02.2026 22:41 — 👍 22 🔁 13 💬 0 📌 0Another day, another opportunity to give up.
03.03.2026 11:52 — 👍 50 🔁 22 💬 0 📌 0At least the War on Protein has ended
03.03.2026 00:13 — 👍 29 🔁 12 💬 1 📌 0I love texting because I don’t have to use any of the muscles in my face.
24.02.2026 13:46 — 👍 214 🔁 104 💬 5 📌 0string cheese but avocados
03.03.2026 00:03 — 👍 41 🔁 17 💬 3 📌 0Same, lol.
03.03.2026 00:17 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0If only…
03.03.2026 00:16 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I think surviving in the woods sounds plenty fun.
03.03.2026 00:09 — 👍 27 🔁 11 💬 2 📌 0Nah, I'd boss you around too much.
02.03.2026 20:41 — 👍 14 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0i don’t care about flowers but you can lay a slice of pizza on my grave when i die
02.03.2026 22:22 — 👍 58 🔁 19 💬 0 📌 0Share your coffee with me and I'll give you my heart.
02.03.2026 22:03 — 👍 58 🔁 24 💬 6 📌 1
Them: "You're beautiful no matter what they say."
Me: "Awww thank y...wait what?"
Gimmie fuel
Gimmie fire
Gimmie cheese that which I desire
I’m a terrible friend.
I might ignore most of your texts or back out of plans last minute. I may even talk shit about you when you’re not around if you’re prone to taking more than you give and I’ll probably forget your birthday because I find you exhausting and am too nice to say so…
Don’t make me get out of bed, I’m so much less grumpy here.
02.03.2026 11:49 — 👍 40 🔁 12 💬 1 📌 0If confidence were cheese, that’s when I’d be shredded.
02.03.2026 01:54 — 👍 25 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 1When you taste what you're cooking and it's so good your head starts moving back and forth like a chicken
01.03.2026 19:12 — 👍 157 🔁 26 💬 7 📌 1I get excited for food more than I get excited about almost anything else. I’m gonna do my little dance while I eat it too
02.03.2026 00:53 — 👍 91 🔁 16 💬 6 📌 0