Cullen Wade

Aaaahahahaha me af

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 78: Assassination Nation (2018) A modest backyard pool, just big enough to frolic around in with a few friends & to allow for some depth variation. I can't help but think the deck could use some adornment. Tile work is kind of boring too, but on the plus side, when empty this would be a very fun pool to skate in, if you're into that.

Sorry I couldn't get a clear screengrab of the illogical but iconic scene where her majesty Hari Nef nailguns a proud boy to death underwater.
#assassinationnation #filmsky #horrorsky #booksky #poolreviews #splasherflicks

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 77: Confessions (2010) Even without the puke-green water, leafy surface, & dead body, this pool would still be gross. The naked cement deck & stamped skimmer plates in utilitarian coping make this look more like an industrial reservoir than anything meant for humans.

Hey you look like you might be interested in a physical version of these pool reviews (all 104 of them), plus a bonus essay that will only ever appear in zine form. Plus you get it free if you purchase my book directly from me? Dang.
#poolreviews #splasherflicks #confessions #horrorsky #booksky

(also it's weird how 3/5ths of the supporting actress nominees that year were named Anne or Ann)

Not even hyperbole when I say Louise Lasser should have gotten Oscar consideration.

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 76: Blood Rage (1987) I'm not even going to harp on the raised lip around the perimeter, because this has a major aesthetic problem. Grey coping, grey deck, grey & featureless beige walls. Even the tank is painted a pastel blue that approaches grey. Get some color in there, people!

That's not cranberry sauce! Nor is it a very good pool.
#bloodrage #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #splasherflicks #poolreviews

Good morning east coast

Yo venture capital class, I heard you like AI, gambling, absurd masculinity, unprofitable business ideas, & eugenics, so I made an app where you show a robot a photo of a random cumstain & gamble on whether it can correctly identify the race of the person it comes from. That will be $3 billion plz.

Pool Reviews Zine - Cullen Wade's Ko-fi Shop Every swimming pool from every movie I wrote about in S(p)lasher Flicks, reviewed on their merits as pools. Full-color, 108 pages with a cardstock cov...

ko-fi.com/s/149fba6801

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Doing some indie writer shit, check out my brand new Ko-Fi! Pool review zines now available in the shop. Let me know what you'd like to see in exchange for ongoing support!
ko-fi.com/cullenwade

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 75: Carrie (2013) Water volleyball is not a bad choice for a high school gym class activity, but the coach should have provided an alternate opt-out assignment. Also not sure why there appear to be no ladders or steps.

What's up horror hipsters, time for another reminder that disliking a perfectly fine remake does not, in & of itself, make you cool.
#splasherflicks #carrie #horrorsky #booksky #filmsky #poolreviews

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 74: Death Valley (1982) Consistent with its locale as a hotel pool in the middle of the desert, this has the look of an oasis, with the irregular paving stones & the lush vegetation. Ecologically, though, unless it's built atop an actual oasis, some kind of xeriscaping would be more appropriate.

Good evening scary swim team, here's one of the best pool movies that doesn't get talked about as a pool movie due to the misfortune of there being almost no pool scenes in it.
#deathvalley #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #poolreviews #splasherflicks

Congratulations to our talented editor and fearless leader @momoshaty.bsky.social for her Bram Stoker nomination in short nonfiction from the staff of @nighttidemag.bsky.social!

Love, Eliza, @cullenwade.bsky.social, @rjacksonjoseph.bsky.social, @emmacole.bsky.social, @sharai.bsky.social …

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 73: A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989) I hate to be a broken record here, but a facility like this needs natural light, especially if you're gonna surround it with dark red brick walls. A space this big has no business feeling this cramped.

It's the last time we'll be talking about ANOES, & even though I stand by what I said in the review, it's a pretty good pool.
#anoes #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #splasherflicks #poolreviews

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 72: Asmodexia (2014) I'm puzzled as to what this dilapidated place used to be. The bleachers around the pool & what appear to be diving platforms suggest that it's a sporting facility, but the adjacent structures look like a large hotel. The pool also seems to slope down to its maximum depth at the diving area & then slope back up again, like a much larger version of a modern sports pool. Very odd.

I'm sure someone who knows #Barcelona better can furnish info about this pool. It broadly resembles the Piscina Municipal de Montjuïc where the 1992 Olympics were held, but that one never fell into disrepair. Barcelonins, què dieu?
#poolreviews #asmodexia #horrorsky #booksky #splasherflicks #filmsky

Most underappreciated:
2020: Underwater
2021: Come True
2022: Don’t Worry Darling
2023: Sick
2024: Apartment 7A
2025: Hallow Road

Straight up faves:
2020: Spontaneous
2021: Midnight Mass (tv sorry not sorry)
2022: Crimes of the Future
2023: Thanksgiving
2024: I Saw the TV Glow
2025: Bring Her Back

The reification happening in the reporting about measles outbreaks is inexcusable.

Measles didn’t sneak back in. It was invited back in, & the people who opened the door have names & addresses.

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 71: Diabolique (1996) Given its proximity to well-trafficked foot paths & the back door of the main building--& the fact that it's you know, a school--there should really be a fence around this pool.

When is a good remake not a good remake? When it's a GREAT remake.
#iswis #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #poolreviews #splasherflicks #diabolique

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 70: Gremlins (1984) I'm going to give this YMCA the benefit of the doubt & assume there are windows (probably a skylight) that we just don't see in the scene's framing, because the idea of a YMCA pool with no natural light is absurd. Also, the red stripes on white walls make it look weirdly medical.

I don't normally break character to talk about extra-diegetic things but this is actually an exterior! Dante's crew built a two-sided set around an outdoor pool & the whole thing was open to the air. How cool is that??
#horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #splasherflicks #poolreviews #gremlins

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 69: Revenge (2017) Undoubtedly a waste of water in the desert, this is the kind of pool that sacrifices utility for the appearance of luxury. Still, if what we see in the film is any indication, it's surprisingly swimmable for how uninviting it looks.

Not gonna front I like this movie more than The Substance.
#revenge #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #poolreviews #splasherflicks #coraliefargeat

Two xeroxed zines, one with a green cover & one with a yellow cover, titled “S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews: a supplement by Cullen Wade.” The yellow copy is slightly open & you can see a full-color image inside.

If you’ve been enjoying my #poolreviews, can I interest you in the whole collection in full-color #zine form, plus a bonus essay not available elsewhere?
#horrorsky #booksky #splasherflicks

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 68: House (1985) One of the nicest residential pools on this list. The freeform grotto style isn't for everyone, but this one does a splendid job of looking like a natural part of the landscape. It might not be your thing if you like to dive, though.

Damn scary swim team, back at it again with the white pavers!
#house #horrorsky #filmsky #poolreviews #splasherflicks #booksky

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 67: Sunset Boulevard (1950) There are 3 pool ladders when Joe gets shot, but one has disappeared by the time the cops show up. Awful continuity editing, crap movie.

We can't let them keep getting away with hack work like this.
#poolreviews #splasherflicks #sunsetboulevard #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #filmnoir

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 66: Night Swim (2024) Everybody asks about this one so I'm gonna be contrarian & not review it except to say that apparently nobody else noticed or cared that the pool on the poster does not resemble the one in the movie.

True story I started writing the book about 2 weeks after this movie came out & I've never been able to convince people that the 2 things are unrelated.
#splasherflicks #poolreviews #horrorsky #filmsky #nightswim #booksky

So real, don’t torture a duckling is tied for my fave giallo ever

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 65: The House on Sorority Row (1983) Honestly I don't know what those girls were complaining about. Sure, it's in need of skim, but everything's in good repair, & as the frat boys demonstrate later in the movie, it's still very swimmable. Everything wrong with this pool could be fixed in less than an hour with available tools.

When will we realize the REAL victims are the hot able-bodied white neurotypical middle-class college seniors with access to a backyard pool they can't use because the lazy crippled house mother let it get a little leafy? How dare she??
#poolreviews #splasherflicks #horrorksy #booksky

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 64: A Cure For Wellness (2016) How can both of these pools exist in the same facility? The bottom one is top 5 designs in a Suspiria mold, the top is the worst one since Cat People. Feast or famine I suppose.

It's the weekend again, scary swim team, & time for me to remind you of another pool movie you forgot about.
#acureforwellness #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky #poolreviews #splasherflicks

S(p)lasher Flicks Pool Reviews Day 63: Tombs of the Blind Dead (1972) The playful zigzag, tiered deck, & beach view just scream summer fun (& that's saying something, if you've kept up with this series & know how I feel about pools next to the beach). With the diving area in the middle rather than off at one end, it must be hard to keep patrons from landing on each other's heads, which is probably why you don't see this design in modern pools.

This movie's queerness is underdiscussed but it should really be a big part of its reputation.
#poolreviews #splasherflicks #tombsoftheblinddead #horrorsky #filmsky #booksky

Good morning, Can you please link me to the larger context for this policy? Is it a building-level policy or a county policy? If there is an opportunity, I would love to help revise that language for future school years, because while "political candidate" is clear enough, "controversial issue" seems like a vague & inadequate phrase. We teach the "controversial issue" of evolution in our science classes. In our government classes, we teach about the rule of law & due process. So to add one's voice to the crowd (which according to opinion polls includes almost 2/3rds of the country & has bipartisan support in the federal legislature) asking for accountability for an agency that flouts due process, openly violates federal court orders (those same federal courts we teach our students must be respected in a functional democracy), & admits, in their publicly-released data, that a significant portion of their activities are unlawful, stretches any definition of "controversial" that I can come up with. I have always been a team player & will continue to be, unless what I am asked to do is illegal or immoral, so please don't interpret this as me being oppositional. It's in the interest of being a team player that I feel I & my fellow rule-followers could all benefit from a clearer definition of what constitutes a "controversy." How low is the bar? I would hate for a teacher to be censured for saying something like "police should obey the law" because a student complained that they heard the president say they didn't have to. I hope you don't mind that I'm copying [redacted] on this reply, because I'm interested in knowing the union's position. Again, I'd be glad to serve on a committee to revise the language of this policy, whether at a building or county level. I hope everybody has a good weekend & I wish [redacted] safe travels. Respectfully, Cullen Wade (he/him) Classroom teacher: Audio & Film Production; English 9 Monticello High School

Thought I'd share this email I wrote my principal today when told staff weren't allowed to participate in the anti-ICE walkout because promoting a "controversial issue" was unacceptable behavior.