NZBearDad | Never stop Dancing

Of course. Clear weather for days and days. Then the strongest aurora in decades hits and I’m stuck in a freaking cyclone. Words cannot express how angry I am.

If it’s dark where you are. Go outside.

I also am getting *two* new projects this week. One will film next week, the final week of the term. The other will be filmed in about a month, so I have some time to develop it. all of this is awesome for me.

Its now time for class, so I will let you so. Take care, have a good day, and talk soon!

It is a sense of loss and mourning that I feel and something I am working through.

But despite that lonely cloud of negativity... I am thriving and loving where I am in my life.

This week, I work in front of the camera as a news presenter for our Mock news program.

Why did I try and force myself into a situation where I couldn't succeed? The last decade I was trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, and I should have been able to see that clearly... but didn't.

Maybe it was the need to make the same amount of money. Maybe it was fear or expectation.

I have one full "Lecture day (Mondays)" but even then things are different and moving. I find myself seeing this as exactly where I need to be.

But it is also... upsetting.

it is upsetting because I should have done this a decade ago and I didn't. I should have shifted a long time ago.

I am getting assignments done with early because they have me continually focused on what I want to do, but also allowing me the space to reflect. (IYKM, self-reflection is my jam).

I eagerly await the weekly school schedule on Friday to see what new things we will be doing. Which feeds my ADHD.

However, this time, I have constant movement, constant change, constant new things to grab onto and sink into. Nothing too long to become overwhelming. The cadence is such that I am *thriving* instead of floundering.

the cadence keeps me busy and looking forward - which my Autism loves.

Here though, 22-ish years later, I find myself in a very different position. I am in a learning environment that caters to both Autism and ADHD. The info dump style of learning is still there. There is so much to cover in such a short amount of time, you need to digest info as you are getting more.

And more often than not my Autism would save my ADHD in the nick of time. Just like my ADHD would do the same. It was a delicate balance of keeping both in check without one overwhelming the other.

Over time, that balance shifted towards ADHD, especially as I shifted to 100% behind the desk.

Now, that is to say I didn't like it all. I loved listening to history, talking about it groups. Uncovering aspects of things I hadn't thought about before. All of the info dumping fed the Autistic side of me.

But also... ADHD. the Executive Function, the inability to keep focus. Both collided.

Previous school experiences were mostly classroom lecture. This is what I was always used to. sitting in a class room, ready to take notes I will never read again, listen to the next installment of the lecture series in front of me.

Another (long) update from me (yay!)

I am now in Week 9 of my one year course - 31 weeks left to go. Next week is the end of Term one and I have to say, this is one of the most compact and intense learning experiences I have ever had.

So, I have submitted my major assessment for this term a day and a half early.

1 - College Aaron would have *never* done this.
2 - Professional Aaron couldn't get *anything* in on time.

Now I am consistently nailing stuff days early.

Amazing what you can do when you like what you are doing.

The frustrating thing about April Fools in NZ is that you have to suffer for two days while the rest of the world have their April Fools.

“I just have to decide which authoritarian nation gets my data - US (Meta) or China (Tik Tok)”

I only use FB for reels and political posts. Since Reels are just 2 week old Tik toks, I may as well make the jump.

It’s crazy it has taken only 2 months to kill my 18 year relationship with FB.
Le sigh

Week 5 of school. Thankful for the home day, but man the schedule is relentless.

It’s *so* regimented I forget how much they control younger folks.

The Dems (and most politicians in general) are terrible at online curation. It's a skill that needs to be developed and the Democrats silence is deafening. AOC and Bernie are ignored and the Dems who ARE getting attention sound like our enemies (looking at your Newsom). We need a new party.

Otherwise, things are quiet. School is taking most of my brain space, and despite good weather last week, I was too exhausted to do Astro. Hopefully I will in the groove during the next period of good astro days.

Hope all is well, and have a great week!

Outside school, things have been good. Last week I was conferred citizenship in New Zealand - I am now a dual citizen! There is a lot that goes into that - but I will save it for its own thread. - Now I wait for my citizenship ceremony to make it official. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Also definitely getting into that mentor role. My crew is great, and I am connecting well. And I *hope* they appreciate my experience and my perspective. They seem to for the most part... but as I learned... I am literally the same age as their parents, so I need to tread carefully.

I am also getting that sweet sweet praise from my tutors. My ADHD/Autistic/Traumatized brain yearns for. In saying that... they (and I) see this as a one year audition - I need to capitalise on that. I want this to work so much so I am going to make it happen.

Film School is going full tilt. Today in week 5 is my first day "off" but I have been working on project work all day. It doesn't bother me so much since I am so invested in this. I definitely feel that "This is my one chance, don't F it up." vibe that many non-traditional students adopt.

Hello World. I have been a bit quiet, so a big of an update from my corner of the world. Given that I have sworn off FB as my personal media outlet, I just want to give a bit of a peek into my life. Lets jump down the tread.

I’m in a first aid course today for school.

The person teaching is not great. They are asking questions we have no clue how to answer and then laughs when we guess wrong.

Also no structure, no room for questions, and random asides that have nothing to do with today.

A bit annoyed.

As I wrap up here so I can chat with my classmates - I find that despite the age, origin, ethnicity, perspective, and experience of 85 people, I am connecting in ways I've struggled with for the last.... decade? It feels good. I feel a lot more like my old (old oooold) self.

And I love it.

Learning Designer me now feels like a distant past, another person, already hazy and unravelling. Filmmaker me is like waking up from a haze for the last 8 years and seeing sunshine for yonks.

why did I wait so long to do something I fully live for? oh yeah... Capitalism.

But it is an amazing challenge, and one that I am hungry for. I am banging out paperwork, guiding and leading crews, mentoring folks whoa re just starting their professional journey and - hopefully - giving them a good example

The schedule is somewhat punishing. We have filmed two projects over the last two weeks, briefed on project 3 last Monday, and will be briefed on our our 4th project next Monday. Then a week of intense pre-prod on projects 3 and 4 before filming over the following two weeks.

And more is coming

And a word on my crew. Each term we are put in groups that make up our filming crew - Director, Assistant, Cameras, Lights, Sound, a producer and post production. My first term crew is exceptional. No weak links and everyone contributes. From into to extroverted, we have built a cool vibe. So lucky.

Instead of waking with dread and loathing, I get up thinking about my projects, new angles or other perspectives, how I can take my crews ideas and make them work. I think about the bold moves and the small steps to get to my goal of being a media creator, a challenge yes... but one I relish.