Tom Easton

Richard Jordan in the hunt for red October saying “you’ve lost another THAAD system?

I’M GRUMPY

I don’t want GOOD advice!

Dilemma. I’m cross at my wife so have stormed up to the bedroom early to read.

However:

The kindle needs charging.
The charging cable is in the office
My wife is in the office.
I have a paperback I can read but she gave it to me for Christmas and I don’t like the look of it.

What do I do?

I knew it. There could be no other possible reason you wouldn’t like my jokes.

Americans during a fascist takeover of their own country: I saw a disgusting photo of a taco in Britain that didn’t look the same as the taco the guy* on my block makes that uses unregulated ingredients that have a 3% chance of killing me

*since disappeared by masked goons

I hear Trump has been attacking Starmer and also saying British tacos aren’t authentic or something

nice gambino, childish?

It’s actually FEWER Misérables

starting a crowdfunder to send more influencers to Dubai, who's in?

I heard they wanted someone taller.

This was a great reminder to add a couple of more recent titles to my ALCS registered works, AND prompted me to update my PLR too!

They said "sir you're decomposing" and I said wow that's a beautiful word. You've never heard anything like it

this is like asking for 4 cards in 5-card draw

Oh now I get it. Dubai is Golgafrinchan Ark B.

BBC radio4 schedule listing for Inside Health. Why are men getting penis fillers. James investigates penis fillers where hydaluronic acid is injected to increase girth

twenty years ago I might have looked into this but i think the moment's passed tbh

son *gets into my car, turns on radio*

radio 4 presenter: we're discussing penis fillers

son *turns off radio*

fair enough tbh

all we're asking for is 1 stray nuke

I’ve been considering my writing career and is it possible to burst off the scene?

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana

US says three jets 'went down' over Kuwait 'due to an apparent friendly fire incident' Kuwait air defences mistakenly shot down three US F15 fighter jets flying in Iran-related operations, the US Central Command (Centcom) said. All six aircrew ejected safely, have been safely recovered and are in stable condition

how embarrassing

fartmaxxing

Apparently Amazon are making a 10 part limited series based on the hugely popular computer game Farmville.

what?

Is there a turdcall app?

Kirstie Alley looking great for 71

This reminds me of that Frankie Boyle joke about how Americans not only come to your country and kill your people, they also come back twenty years later to make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers sad.