;(

Sad lil guy

Please respect my privacy at this time as a balloon slowly deflates in my apartment and I increasingly project human emotions on it.

Another day of wrestling Word to the ground to force it to stop converting my documents to Aptos and whatever else it is that I do

On my que sera, sera shit

It’s an act of bravery to Post when Drafts is right next to it

Why do bad podcast ads happen to good people?

Hopemaxxing (hoping you’ll never see a reference to looksmaxxing again)

I was looking for a card that said “I would red dye 40 for you,” but Hallmark isn’t on my level yet.

I scrolled to the end of the internet. It said, “Everything’s bad right now. Hopefully, some things can be good again.”

Putting “I’m not a real doctor, but I am a real worm” on my LinkedIn

Oh yeah

Cheers

Lol

Everyone is bricking their phone and quitting drinking while I have wine and scroll like hell 😎

Is it intrusive thoughts or the indomitable human spirit?

“I switched my dad’s coffee for this cake” damn girl, why 😭

Why are there so many realistic cake pranks? When did we start weaponizing cake

*flicking a lit cigarette* im not like other Muppet babies

Going back in time to try to explain cookie dough flavored Oreos until I’m committed

I finally deleted TikTok. I’ve heard it will be as hard as quitting smoking which is ridiculous, it will be much harder

pls know that internally i may be screaming but externally i am also screaming

The moment before the paywall pops up is so pure and hopeful, thinking maybe I too deserve information

Where’s the pants pasta you cowards

Bow tie pasta implies the existence of the rest of the outfit pasta. You’ve been holding out on us, Barilla

🙏🏻

Born to live in a Richard Scarry world, forced to work in fluorescent lighting

I lived bitch (survived minor discomforts throughout the day)

🙆‍♀️

If I started a sports team, I would make its mascot the concept of yearning

Going into an eyeglasses shop and saying, “We don’t want any trouble.”